For The Love of Alexis
by RiverCity
Summary: COMPLETE An unexpected turn of events finds Alexis suddenly facing a life she had only dreamed of before. Cameron and Alexis
1. For The Love of Alexis

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There are 29 chapters to this story and I will post them in tandem with the other stories I am currently posting. I've only been writing for a couple of years so your reviews are important and welcome. Thank you.

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are the express property of ABC and General Hospital. Their use in this story is for entertainment purposes only.

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For The Love of Alexis

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Chapter 1 

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I can't believe I'm standing here… again. Why can't I just let go of this… of her? I don't need any more distractions in my life. Just trying to find some kind of common ground with my son is proving to be more than I expected. I don't know why though; the boy has every reason to feel the way he does. Ok, so I'm stalling. Come on man, just do it. You're not going to be satisfied until all of this is resolved one way or another.

Cameron Lewis slowly raised his hand and knocked on the door. His blood was racing at the thought of what he was about to do. As the door opened his heart jumped with excitement as his eyes fell on the reason for his impromptu visit to the Quartermaine mansion. He couldn't help the grin that spread across his face at the vision that greeted him. 

"Ok, Ok. Go ahead laugh all you want. I know this get-up is amusing to you but if you're here just so I can provide you with your daily laugh then please go away I'm not in the mood." 

Alexis was too tired to fight with Cameron about anything. Her day of _'service'_ to the Quartermaine's was almost complete and she couldn't remember ever being as tired before. She didn't have the inclination or the desire to engage in any witty repartee with Cameron Lewis. All she wanted was to kiss her daughter goodbye and go home to a hot bath and a warm bed. 

Cameron noted the slight sag in her shoulders and the slow shuffle of her walk as she turned away from him. Unwilling to heed the warning his mind was shouting at him, he followed her and gently turned her around and what he saw in her eyes forced his concern to rise dramatically. Her eyes were telling a story that Cameron knew was founded in exhaustion. He saw the ever-present sadness and desperation, but today there was a look of defeat in Alexis' eyes. Without saying a word, Cameron pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. Placing his hand on the back of her head he gently guided her to rest upon his shoulder. As she gave in to the comfort he was offering his hand slid slowly down to her neck and gently massaged the tightness he found there. 

"It's time to go, Alexis. I'm here to take you home and I don't want any arguments from you. Run up and kiss Kristina good-bye then meet me out front. I'll have you home in no time." 

Alexis lifted her head from the comfort of Cameron's shoulder nodded briefly without looking up then headed for the stairs. She didn't have it in her to argue with him and not having to drive home was a perk she just didn't have the wherewithal to turn down. 

"I'll be back in a minute." Reaching the stairs she stopped for a moment to try and gain control over the tears of despair and exhaustion that threatened to spill. Nervously she reached up to make sure each piece of her disguise was still in its proper place then glanced back at Cameron who was waiting patiently for her. Her face drawn and pale she managed a weak smile before whispering, "I don't know why you're here… but thank you for coming." 

A compassionate smile touched his lips as his heart reached out to this remarkable woman who stood before him. His arms ached with the need to hold her again. She looked so small and lost standing there that all he wanted was to pick her up and take her away from the madness of her life if only for a little while. 

"Go on Alexis, and give her a kiss for me too," he whispered. 

Cameron watched her mount the stairs using the balustrade to pull herself up to where her heart waited for her. He knew from watching Alexis with Kristina that one look, one moment with her child would give her enough strength to finish her day. Opening the front door he took one last look toward the staircase as a frown creased his forehead. Something must have happened for Alexis to be this tired. She wasn't just physically tired today, there was something else going on that caused a great deal of emotional stress as well as physical stress. It was in her eyes, the way she walked; the air around her seemed to be filled with a feeling of devastation. As he closed the door behind him the decision concerning what activity his evening would hold was no longer a question. He wouldn't leave her side until somehow, between the two of them, Alexis regained her strength. 

Sitting in his car waiting for Alexis to join him, Cameron made a few calls to clear away any obstacles that could potentially interrupt his evening. He took care of the messages that were waiting for him at the office and then informed his secretary to forward the rest of his calls to his answering service. As for any emergencies that might arise, he contacted the resident who was on call for the evening and gave him procedural instructions if anything came up that he couldn't handle himself. Once his responsibilities regarding his practice were taken care of, Cameron called the 'PC Grille' and ordered dinner to be delivered to Alexis' apartment at 7:00 that evening. That would leave just enough time for her to get settled and allow herself to relax for a while. With one call left to make, he drew a deep breath. He wanted to do something special for Alexis, but in order for it to work he would need a little help. He quickly made the call then sat back to wait for Alexis with a smile on his face hoping everything would go as planned. 

By the time Cameron reached the end of the long driveway and turned onto the road that led back into town, Alexis' had leaned her head back and quickly drifted into sleep. He couldn't contain the surge of anger that coursed through him as he noticed tears slipping down her cheeks as she slept. His anger was fueled by the lack of human decency possessed by the occupants of the mansion on the hill. A subtle movement caught his eye and looking down he noticed Alexis' hand had fallen to rest on the seat and his heart raged at the uncontrollable tremor he witnessed in her fingers. Reaching out he gently took hold of her hand and simply held it hoping that somehow in the midst of sleep some of his strength would find its way to her and hopefully she would find a measure of hope to hold on to. 

"Hold on, Alexis," he whispered. "Just hold on"


	2. Chapter 2

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Chapter 2 

In a fog of exhausted sleep Alexis suddenly felt herself moving. Something was wrong. Someone was pulling her up from… somewhere. It felt as though she were being lifted out of her body. Suddenly becoming alarmed her mind began to scream. 'Wake up, Alexis. You have to wake up. Something is not right.' Eyelids that felt like dead weight edged open and as realization of what was actually happening touched her senses she sighed with relief and fell back into her exhausted sleep. 

As Cameron lifted Alexis to pull her from the front seat of his car, he felt her stir… sensed her confused state and quietly whispered words of calming comfort into her ear and felt her relax back into sleep… into arms that held her close… Maybe too close given what he felt inside for the woman that lay sleeping in his arms. Gripping the keys to her apartment in one hand, he shifted her in his arms slightly then kicked the car door shut. His face colored slightly as he remembered his foray into her pockets to try and locate her keys without waking her. Her gentle breath on his neck as he leaned across her touched him in more ways than one. 

A soft fleeting scent met his nostrils as a gentle breeze blew by and he chuckled softly. No matter how much cologne she used to enhance her image as '_Dobson_', it was impossible to mask the sensual essence that was purely Alexis. He leaned his head toward hers and rested his cheek against the top of her head for a moment. He smiled as he felt her relax in his arms a bit more and his breath caught briefly as her hand found its way to rest just inside the flap of his sport coat. The warmth of her palm stole its way through the barriers of clothing to find the one source that would spread its healing nature throughout a body that needed so much from this woman; who, in the anonymity of sleep, wrapped her arm around his waist. His blood raced. 

Entering her apartment, he walked to the sofa and gently lay Alexis down. He spent a few moments settling her then returned to close the door quietly. How many times had he stood in this one spot… arguing with her… railing against himself for the words he couldn't stop… hating himself for the look of mistrust he sometimes saw in her eyes. Looking back at her now he smiled at the thought of being with her… of finally being able to 'fix' what went wrong between them. He wavered a moment wondering what he could do while he waited for her to wake. Questions raced through his head so fast that he was having a bit of trouble focusing. The one question that kept coming back over and over… would she allow him to continue with his plans for her? The question of what to do next was quickly solved as he heard an aggravated sigh escape Alexis. Returning to her side he noticed her trying to wake up enough to disengage herself from the confines of her alternate persona. Kneeling down he spoke quietly as he lifted her shoulders from the sofa. 

"Let me help, Alexis. Just close your eyes and sleep. I'll take the coat off and hang it up so it won't get wrinkled. You just sleep now, angel. I'll take care of everything tonight. You don't have to worry about anything. _Shhhhh_…. Just sleep." 

As he quietly whispered to her his hands kept busy trying to relieve her of the coat without moving her around too much. Just as he drew the coat out from under her, her body released itself back into a quiet slumber. Next he unbuttoned the gray vest then proceeded to remove the tie and unbutton the top button of her shirt. Satisfied that her clothing could no longer restrict her breathing, Cameron moved to the end of the sofa and began to remove her shoes. Leaving her socks on to keep her feet from becoming chilled he massaged them briefly before going in search of a blanket to lay across her. 

Finding what he wanted he returned to her side an gently placed the blanket over her. He hesitated wondering if the blanket would be too much and cause her to become heated. Making a quick decision he readjusted the blanket to cover just her legs then sat back and surveyed his handiwork. The only thing that disturbed him was the anguish he saw in her face as she slept. But, there was nothing he could do about that right now. Somehow he needed to find a way to help her, but for now he was satisfied to wait until Alexis woke before proceeding any further. 

He was in the kitchen putting away the dinner that was delivered just moments before when he heard her scream. Throwing the butter knife down he ran back into the living room where he found Alexis sitting up leaning over with her face buried in her hands sobbing hysterically. Sitting down beside her, he drew her into his arms and began to rock her back and forth calmly soothing her with soft words. 

"Hey, it's me. I'm here and I'm not going to let you go. Kristina is fine. I called to check on her while you were asleep. _Shhhhh_…. tell me what happened. Was it a dream? Did a nightmare wake you? Calm down now, Alexis. I've got you and I'm not going to let anything happen to you. _Shhhhh_….." 

He felt her shudder once and then she straightened wiping away the tears that were no longer content to stay within the realm her control. She reached toward him with one hand and grasped the lapel of his jacket as she leaned into him. She rested against him until she regained control of her emotions then raising her head she looked up to find his eyes. 

"Thank you, Cameron. For being here… for caring. It's ok now. I'm okay. I just needed some rest…" 

He interrupted her before she could finish her standard 'you're off the hook' speech. 

"You need more than rest, Alexis and tonight I'm going to see that you get it. For once you are going to be treated like the sane, competent, deserving woman that you are and you are not going to have any say in the matter. Tonight is my night to practice being a gentleman and you are going to be my guinea pig. So relax and enjoy." 

Her teasing reluctant smile sent chill bumps racing across his skin; such a beautiful smile that rarely saw the light of day any more. 

"You're going to be a gentleman, Cameron? With me? How did I rate having such an honor bestowed on me given the, shall we say, less than desirable position I have put you in?" 

He grew serious as he contemplated her question. He took one of her hands into his and gently began to trace the outline of her fingers with his own. Hesitating a moment more he threw aside any reservations he might have had regarding how honest he would be and looked back up into eyes so clear he could see his own reflection in them. 

"I'm sick of watching you suffer, Alexis. I'm sick of standing by and watching people who profess to love you, like you or whatever, give you the shaft every time you turn your back. I'm sick of hearing you have to beg to see your daughter. But, most of all, it sickens me that I've known you for months now and I've yet to see you laugh, have fun or feel free enough to express yourself without fear of some sort of retaliation. For once I want to see you enjoy yourself. I don't know if it's even possible given the way things are right now, but I'd like the chance to try and give you an evening that is all about you." 

Tears again formed in the corner of her eyes and Cameron's heart fell. Evidently his face couldn't hide the emotion of his heart as Alexis brought her hand up to his face and lay her palm against his cheek. 

"Cameron, I can't remember the last time I was truly happy without there being some part of my life in chaotic ruins. I don't believe there will ever be a moment in my life where I will find absolute true peace. There are just too many issues in my past that will forever play havoc with my future. But, I love it that you want to try and help. I just don't think it's possible." 

Cameron ducked his head and reached up to take her hand away from his face. He held it within his own as he tried to explain his heart to her. 

"Do you know what I see when I look at you, Alexis?" Without waiting for her answer he continued. "I see an ocean with a sandbar stuck right out in the middle with one solitary palm tree growing there." 

"I don't understand. What are you trying to say, Cameron?" 

"You're the palm tree, Alexis." 

"Well that's a pretty graphic and distressing visual." 

"Distressing? I think the more appropriate word would be heartbreaking. There is so much inside that heart of yours that lies dormant because you don't feel you can open up and be yourself without the threat of being attacked for having the audacity to simply be yourself. That's just plain tragic, if you ask me! What really infuriates me though are all the sharks surrounding the island keeping me from getting to you." 

"Don't you have a boat?" 

Her response told him that she understood how frustrated and troubled he was. She was again teasing him in an effort to lighten his mood. But, he needed her to understand exactly where he was coming from. 

"Yes, but you keep throwing boulders at any attempt I make to help. You keep sinking my boat, Alexis." 

He watched her grow still and lower her gaze from his. As usual when she felt she was being condemned for her actions she retreated. It was the last thing he wanted from her, so he backed off. Raising his hand he caught her chin between his fingers and gently lifted until he could again see her eyes. 

"I'm not attacking you, Alexis. I just want you to see what I see. But, tonight is not the time. Tonight I just want you to feel safe and secure and 'liked' a great deal. Is that okay with you? Can I continue with my plans for the evening? Will you trust me to take care of you this evening?" 

Her eyes sparked briefly as she considered his proposal. He caught just enough to recognize that even though she was still exhausted she was too curious to turn down his offer. 

"What do you have in mind, Dr. Lewis and should I dress for the occasion?" 

Squeezing her chin gently he let go and tapped her lightly on the nose as he winked at her. 

"You wait right here and we'll get this show on the road." 

Cameron stood up then reached down to pick Alexis up only to sit her back down so that she was resting comfortably against the arm of the sofa and her legs were stretched out along its length. He placed a pillow behind her so she rested easier and then placed a pillow under her knees knowing it would reduce the amount of stress on the joints. He left her long enough to retrieve the basket that was delivered by his friend earlier. Walking back into the living room he smiled at the look of curiosity that fell on Alexis' face. 'This is going to be fun', he thought to himself. Placing the basket on the coffee table just out of her reach he moved its silk covering just enough so he could see what he was doing without allowing Alexis to know what he was up to until he wanted her to. 

"What are you doing, Cameron? You're acting like you have the answers to life itself in that basket. Just what are you up to?" 

Grinning, he popped off a quick sarcastic remark. "Oh, about 6'2" last time I checked, Miss Nosey. Now be still while I get started here." 

"6' 2" Cameron? Given that arrogant tendency to project yourself I would have sworn you were taller."

Laughing at her 'smart ass' response he reached over and pulled 4 candles out of the basket and placed two of them on the mantle in front of the mirror in such a way that it appeared to be four candles. He then placed the other two on the coffee table and proceeded to light all of them. Once the candles were taken care of he went back to the basket and pulled a crystal dish out of its wrapping paper and set it down between the candles on the table. He quickly looked over at Alexis and saw she was watching him intently with a look of surprise and expectancy on her face. Slipping his hand back into the basket he pulled out an envelope and brought it up to his nose and waved it gently. Inhaling dramatically his lifted his eyebrows with satisfaction to hopefully tease a response from her and was rewarded by her animated hand signal to coach him closer so she could inhale its aroma as well. Her sigh of frustration delighted him as he shook his head 'no', satisfied that he completely had her full attention. Opening the envelope he poured the contents into the crystal dish then reached toward the basket again. This time he pulled a small vial of amber liquid from the basket and poured its contents into the dish as well. The aroma of the pellets in the dish immediately began to fill the room and Cameron heard Alexis sigh as she finally caught a whiff of the aroma. 

"Mmmm… smells like an English garden. Nice. You're full of surprises tonight aren't you, Dr. Lewis?" 

"Quiet please. I'm not through operating yet." 

Cameron noticed that Alexis was leaning forward awkwardly in an effort to make sure she didn't miss anything, so he moved toward her and placing his hands on her shoulders pushed her back against the pillow. 

"Relax Alexis. This won't do the trick if you don't follow directions. Now don't move. There's something in the kitchen I have to get." 

Turning to walk out he hesitated a moment, then looked back at her. 

"And stay away from my basket, woman." 

She looked back at him innocently trying to hide the fact that one foot was already on the floor and pointed toward the general direction of the basket in question. 

"Who me?" 

Walking back toward the sofa Cameron reached down and moved the offending foot back to where it belonged. "Yeah you, Miss Impatience. Now stay." 

"Yes sir, Mr. Bossy." 

"You just remember that my intent is to soothe and relax. You don't want to jeopardize what could be an enticing experience, do you?" 

He watched in amusement as Alexis reached down and swiftly picked up the blanket from the floor and covered her legs just as he had earlier. 

"See, this is me, behaving… patiently." 

"Thank you, Ms Davis. I knew you wouldn't let me down once you knew how important this little adventure was to me." 

He winked at her again then retraced his steps to the kitchen. He was having fun, but he hoped more than anything that Alexis was enjoying herself as well. Picking up the tray that he prepared before she woke, Cameron returned to the living room and found Alexis just as he left her, very patiently waiting for him. He placed the tray on the table then gently moved her legs over so he could sit down beside her. 

"I imagine that on most days by this time you would have already rid yourself of all that stuff on your face. But since it was more important for you to finish your nap… let's just see if we can take care of that little problem right now. You just relax and let me do the honors this evening." 

"Cameron, I can do it m….." 

Sighing in mock irritation he leveled an intense glare at her and waited a moment before responding. 

"Now you know that any and all interruptions are going to be met with stubbornness on my part so you might as well just relax and let me have my way." 

She met his gaze boldly for a moment before allowing her eyes to wander elsewhere. He could see the struggle that was going on in her mind through her eyes and he sat still until she finally found an acceptable answer to the dilemma she was facing and allowed him to continue. He knew without having to ask that Alexis was struggling with the idea of the two of them maintaining such a close proximity considering the attraction they felt for one another. Neither of them had ever discussed the kisses they shared but those brief moments never left the thoughts of either one of them. The only response he was given to know whether he could proceed or not was a simple shrug of her shoulders as her eyes closed. 

Reaching to pull the basket closer to him, Cameron lifted a soft cloth out and dipped it into the bowl of warm water on the tray. He then gently grasped one side of the mustache that Alexis glued in place that morning and slowly pulled it away while replacing it with the warm cloth he held in his other hand. With tender care he wiped away the remaining glue then began to remove the beard in the same manner. Once the mustache and beard were removed he started on the eyebrows and noticed that Alexis had once again fallen asleep. For her to fall asleep while he tended to her spoke volumes regarding her level of exhaustion. He continued to tenderly clear away all the facial evidence of her 'alter' then reached back into the basket for the bottle of lotion that he specifically requested be included in his little mobile spa. 

With the amount of times that Alexis was forced to change her appearance, Cameron figured that by now her skin would be showing the effects of the abusiveness of the glue. Squeezing a bit of lotion into his palm he began to apply the medicinal moisturizer to her face. He hoped that it felt as soothing to her skin as it did to his as he continued to caress the silky texture of the lotion into her skin. He felt the quality of her breathing change and knew she had awakened again. Her eyes remained closed as he continued his ministrations. When finished he rubbed the remaining lotion into his own hands then gently lifted her head and removed the wig. Settling her back against the pillow he stood up and moved to where he was standing at the end of the sofa. Reaching down he slid both hands down between her back and the pillow and lifted her just enough so that he could take the pins out of her hair without having her completely sit up. Once she was correctly positioned he began removing the pins that held her hair up. One by one, carefully and meticulously he removed them all until her hair fell down the side of the sofa finally free of its confinement. Retrieving her brush from the tray he began to slowly brush her hair. Stroke by stroke he brought her hair back to life. His fingers followed the bristles as each stroke brought out a little more of the natural sheen she was born with. The soft silkiness of her hair mesmerized him. A soft sigh brought him out of his reverie and he lay the brush aside and began to gently massage her scalp where the pins left small indention's in her skin underneath the wig. His fingers moved slowly from the top of her head toward her temples then back again. Then he worked toward the area just behind her ears then on toward the nape of her neck. Working slowly and rhythmically Cameron covered every inch of her scalp and neck. When he finished he stood and moved to the other end of the couch and sat down at her feet. He looked back up at her and knew he was succeeding in his desire to relax her as she had once again fallen asleep. Only this time her face appeared to be more contented. There was also the tiniest of smiles on her lips. He reached to pick up her left foot and removed the sock. Tossing it to the floor he began to carefully massage the soreness from feet that were not allowed to rest during the long painful hours she was forced to endure at the hands of what must seem like mercenaries to her. All for just a few fleeting moments of happiness with her daughter; moments that passed as quickly as a blink of an eye. 

Once he finished massaging her feet, he covered them with the blanket to keep her warm. He arranged a small pillow in his lap and then placed her feet on top of it to stem the blood flow a bit. He wanted the flow of her blood to stay focused on the upper extremities of her body for a while. The oxygen it carried would not only aide in the rejuvenation of her spirit, but would also help to relieve some of the mental stress she was suffering. He watched her sleep for a while then leaned his head back and drifted off himself as his thumb subconsciously caressed her ankle. As sleep overtook him, he thought of dinner and mentally shrugged his shoulders. It could wait a while. Alexis needed to recuperate from her day and only time could accomplish that goal. For the next couple of hours he would be a companion to time and let it work it's magic on that part of Alexis he couldn't reach… yet. She needed to rest… she needed to be reminded that she mattered… that someone did care about her.


	3. Chapter 3

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Chapter 3

Sensing that he was being watched, Cameron slowly opened his eyes staring at the ceiling; his brief respite leaving him a little disoriented. As the last vestiges of sleep passed he remembered where he was and why. He rolled his head sideways and looked toward Alexis. He smiled as it registered why he awoke with the feeling of being watched. Alexis was awake and was in fact watching him while he slept. He barely heard her whisper, but knew exactly what she was asking. 

"Why?" 

Alexis was not used to being catered to and certainly not unless there was some sort of repayment expected. 

"Why not?" He asked.

He watched as tears slowly formed and fell one by one down her cheeks and he returned her question with a heart saddened by what he was seeing.

Leaning towards her, he whispered his own concern. "Your turn. Why?" 

He waited for her answer, knowing that this time she wouldn't hold back. 

"It's been a long time since I felt like someone actually '_liked_' me… enough to do something just for me… who cared enough to do something like this for me… Why did you do it, Cameron? Is there something you want… something you need help with?" 

He shook his head as he struggled to contain the anger her words caused to erupt in him. For her to feel the need to question why someone would want to do something just for her… just because they wanted to… it sent a raging inferno through him. Forcing himself to bring his emotions under some semblance of control he reached for her and caught her hand in his and gently smiled. 

"I don't want anything but to see you relax and enjoy yourself for a change. If I can chase the demons away for just a little while then I will have achieved the goal I set for myself tonight. I just wanted to do something for you, Alexis. And just for your information… I'm not through yet." 

A small almost reluctant smile found its way past her insecurities.

"Cameron you've done enough… I don't know if I'll ever be able to get off this couch. You've effectively turned my body into a heap of mush." 

"Well then, I've almost achieved the full effect. But, aren't you just a little hungry by now? It is getting a little late, you know." 

Pulling her hand from his, he watched her lift her arms above her head and stretch languorously until she groaned from the strain on her muscles. Bringing her arms back down she wiped the tears from her eyes and again smiled, this time with a bit of expectancy. 

"Do I take it that you are now going to feed me?" 

He chuckled at her willingness to allow him to continue to 'take care' of her then lifted her feet from his lap so he could stand then replaced them on the couch moving the pillows out of her way. He started toward the kitchen, but stopped just long enough to place a kiss on top of her head before he left in search of an evening meal fit for a princess who was not allowed to move from the sofa her servant had placed her on. 

"I have a veritable feast waiting for you that would entertain the most discerning of palates and you don't have to worry about picking up a fork, knife or spoon. Everything has been prepared in such a way as to abolish any kind of exertion pertaining to getting said libation from plate to mouth. How's that for thinking ahead?" 

"Finger food?" 

"Exclusively." 

"No exertion, hmmm?" 

"Right, no exertion." 

"Cameron?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you have a straw that's long enough to reach from the table to my mouth?" 

Moving slowly toward the kitchen as they bantered back and forth Cameron suddenly stopped and looked back at Alexis as a look of confusion passed across his face. 

"Excuse me…" 

"A straw… you know… to drink with." 

"From the table to your….?" As realization of what she was getting at sank in, Cameron laughed. 

"Ok smart ass… a little exertion. You will at least have to pick up your wineglass with your hand in order to take a drink. Will that be too much of a strain? I mean I would definitely be willing to help you quench whatever thirst you may have… if you prefer." 

He threw a lascivious grin back at her as he turned to continue toward the kitchen. He glanced back once to see the effect of his remarks and laughed again at the blush across her cheeks that could clearly be seen even in candlelight from ten paces away. 

Returning with an array of carefully prepared items, he balanced the tray in one hand while picking up his basket of 'goodies' with the other to move it temporarily out of the way. He wasn't finished with it yet and upon hearing Alexis clear her throat he looked back at her to find her again eyeing his basket. Raising an eyebrow in stern reprimand he let her know his basket was still off limits. Setting the tray down he picked up one of the three cloth napkins from the side of the tray and spread it across her lap. Picking up a second napkin he unfolded it from the corner then refolded it once so that when he put it in her hand there was enough length and flexibility that she could obtain it's full use with one hand. Moving around to the end of the sofa, he again placed his hands underneath her and gently lifted her into a more comfortable position for eating purposes. He heard a sound suspiciously close to laughter and inquired as to the reason for her mirth. 

"Are you laughing at me, Alexis?" 

Her chin was tucked nice and comfortable against her chest in an effort to hide her amusement as she answered. 

"No, Cameron. That is not something I would ever do. I mean look at all of this. Look at everything you're doing for me… and I don't even have to sit up by myself. Laugh at you? **_Never_**." 

He could tell she was having a rather difficult time holding her laughter in and he stepped back around the sofa to stand in front of her. His eyes held quite a bit of mischief in them as he looked down at her. 

"Ready for me to feed my little princess?" 

His question caught her off guard and the intimacy of such an idea caused her to choke on the gasp that exploded from her lungs. She sputtered a couple of times and raised the refolded napkin up to cover her mouth. Just as she covered her mouth she realized that the napkin was in fact positioned just right in her hand to take care of most anything she needed. The import of Cameron's level of care for her hit her like a ton of bricks. From the moment he picked her up from the mansion to the moment she now faced, he had effectively taken her mind away from anything that could cause her distress. The only time her peace was interrupted was during her sleep when 'the nightmare' jerked her awake again… just as it did most nights. Reaching out she took hold of his hand and absently began moving her fingers through. Moments passed as she fought the visions of the nightmare and in the midst of the anguish it caused she felt the warmth of Cameron's hand and looked over to find the gentle softness of his hand completely covering hers. She tightened her fingers around his then gently pulled him down to sit beside her. Looking up her gaze met the concern of his and she whispered her fears to him. 

"I can't stop it." 

"What Alexis? Can't stop what?" 

"The dream. Someone is always taking her away from me. In my dreams I've never held her… never kissed her… all I hear is her crying and screaming my name. I know it doesn't make sense that a baby can talk… but that's what happens in my dreams. My baby is calling me and I can't reach her. I can't get to her. I'm losing her, Cameron and there's not a damn thing I can do about it." 

He listened to her pour out her heart and as she began to sob her grief he pulled her into his arms and began to rock her again whispering softly to her. He couldn't help the feeling that came over him in that moment. As he felt her trembling in his arms, Cameron knew in his heart that he had failed her just as much as Ned had and probably even more. He made her a promise that she wouldn't lose her daughter and she did. He promised her he would help her get her daughter back, but Kristina was still estranged from her mother. He should have done something by now to put an end to this nightmare for her, but instead his cryptic responses were always "you have to follow court orders", "it's just six months", or the nauseating "be patient". He caused her to suffer just as much as the rest of them with his unwillingness to listen to her cares and concerns. No wonder she seemed to be an island. He helped place her on that sandbar out in the ocean all alone. 

Pulling her away from him, he placed his hands on either side of her face and forced her to look up at him. 

"I'm sorry, Alexis. I'm sorry I haven't lived up to the promises I made to you. I'm sorry I haven't done more to help you get Kristina back. But that ends right now. Starting tomorrow we get down to business and figure this thing out. But, for now I want you to eat. We're just going to sit here and enjoy this little feast I've laid out and maybe we'll talk a little along the way. Let it go for now, Alexis. I don't feel right about asking you to trust me as I haven't really lived up to the promises I've made to you in the past, but on my honor that changes as of right now." 

Cameron reached back and lifted her plate and lay it on her lap. Picking up a finger sandwich he offered it to her and waited. 

He knew that in accepting the offering from him Alexis would also once again be putting her trust in him and his hand shook a bit at the responsibility he was taking on. He watched her study him for a moment and finally her hands slowly rose and wrapped around his to quiet his uncontrollable tremble. She then leaned forward and took a small bite of the sandwich he offered. With that one action from Alexis, Cameron knew that she was not only trusting him, but she was also putting her faith in him. Alexis was stepping out on what must seem a small fragile limb and he knew there was a wealth of fear running rampant inside of her at that moment. He prayed for the strength and wisdom to do whatever was necessary to give back to Alexis what she desired most in the world. Her daughter.


	4. Chapter 4

****

Chapter 4

"What's your favorite color?"

The richness of his voice roused her from the thoughts that had stolen her attention from Cameron. Her focus was captured by the deep red hue of the cabernet as it followed the circular motion of the goblet. His question finally registering, she looked up curiously. 

"I beg your pardon." 

"Color Alexis. Blue? Red? Black?" 

"Oh, color. It depends." 

"On what?" 

"Well, are you referring to clothing… décor… or in general?" 

Cameron chuckled at the response he received. He shook his head a couple of times and rested his eyes on her. 

"Nothing is ever easy with you is it? 

"I think that was a very easy question. It just has more than one answer. Maybe you should have asked the question in a more specific manner." 

"Okay. What's your favorite meal?" 

"Take out, restaurant or at home?" 

Cameron growled with a small amount of frustration, "Alexis…" 

"I told you to be more specific with your questions when you asked me my favorite color, which by the way, you never let me answer. And why the impromptu questionnaire?" 

Cameron was sitting at the end of the sofa where he fell asleep earlier. He wasn't going to analyze his need to be close to her, he was just going to relax and enjoy the fact that she was allowing him to be with her and take care of her if only for a little while. The short naps she had taken since leaving the Quartermaine's worked in allowing her to rejuvenate a little and he could see a bit of light coming back into her eyes. For him, the evening was still young and there was more he wanted to do for Alexis. 

They were both full from their evening meal and were now just sitting back and resting for a while. Cameron sensed the moment Alexis' thoughts left him and his quest to coddle her and move on to whatever problem had arisen during the day. Her face was again a mask of hurt, betrayal, fear and loss. She needed more time away from her troubles so he thought that by asking her a few questions it would steal her away from 'them' and bring her back to him. 

"Well, I thought maybe you would indulge my insatiable curiosity where you are concerned." 

"Insatiable? Are you sure that's the right word?" 

"Yes. It is definitely the right word and you are entirely correct. I never did allow you to answer the first question. So, what are your favorite colors." 

Cameron saw a brief twinkle in her eyes and knew he was successful in bringing her full attention back to him. 

"In the area of apparel… I prefer dark colors in the courtroom. It gives an air of professionalism and the suits I wear are designed in such a way that make me feel powerful, precise and a winner. Around the house I like big comfy sweats with a lot of room to move around in. Casual… jeans and sweaters or light jackets over a blouse. Décor… I like soft colors. Colors that make it easy to breathe. Soft yellows, beige, muted golds and tans. So, how is that for an answer?" 

"Almost completely thorough." 

"Almost?" 

"What color do you like to wear out on the town… on a date?" 

He watched helplessly as her eyes clouded over and the smile fell from her face. There was so much he didn't know and so many holes he could fall into with the blindness he possessed regarding her past. His ears faintly heard her reply. 

"I've been told red looks nice on me." 

Her voice was filled with sadness and the wine glass she held in her hands shook slightly. It was time to change the subject. Lightening his tone he challenged her again. 

"So what about your favorite meal… breakfast, lunch or dinner… or overall?" 

"Muffins for breakfast, something really light for lunch… in the winter, I like soup and I do salads a lot as well. For dinner… if I'm home I'll usually order in take out, but my most favorite meal is a bowl full of popcorn. Just can't beat a good bowl of popcorn and I have to admit I do pop a mean bowl of it too." 

Cameron relaxed a little when he saw Alexis relax a bit. Just keep the questions easy and trouble free and maybe she would melt back into the sofa again the way she had before he served her dinner. 

"Do you like pets… wait a minute, let me rephrase that. Do you like dogs or cats?" 

His heart jumped when he heard her laugh. 

"It depends. I like certain kinds of cats and certain kinds of dogs. But never in my home. I just can not take a lot of animal hair all over the place." 

"What's your favorite movie?" 

"In what genre?" 

She was teasing him now and he loved every minute of it. 

"Never mind, Alexis." 

"Well you started this little game, I didn't." 

"I know. But, I should have prepared myself for the struggle." 

"What struggle?" 

"The struggle to get a straight answer out of you about the most innocent of topics?" 

They were both laughing now and Cameron was taking in the sight of her face, memorizing it just as it looked in that moment. She was breathtakingly beautiful, but when the sadness and fears fell away… when the troubles took a small vacation from her heart and mind… there was no one more beautiful in the world to him. He sighed with contentment as he felt her feet move toward him and slip just underneath his leg. He could feel the chill of her toes and wanted to shout his elation that she felt at ease enough with him now to allow herself to take a little comfort from him without asking or apologizing for doing so. Without drawing attention to what he was doing he reached down and drew her feet closer as he asked the next question. 

"What is your favorite hobby… pastime activity?" 

"With or without my daughter?" 

"Both." 

"With my daughter… holding on to her for dear life, reading to her, watching her kick her little legs…" 

As her voice trailed off he encouraged her to continue. 

"And when you're not with her… " 

"Spending every waking minute trying to find a way to get to my daughter." 

Watching her begin to fidget restlessly he silently cursed himself and tried again. 

"What kind of music do you like?" 

"I'm more into lullabies these days." 

He wasn't going to win this one. He could see it already. It appeared that what little time he had upon their arrival to calm and settle her was all he was going to be able to accomplish. So, maybe it was time to get a little more serious and just maybe there were things that Alexis would now be willing to discuss with him. He wanted… needed to know more about Alexis. 

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" 

She looked up a bit startled at his question, then looked back down at the glass she still held. Her face told him she was studying the question very carefully. He waited patiently for her to answer. It didn't take as long as he thought it would, but her answer, when it did come was laced with the smallest degree of bitterness and it concerned him a great deal. 

"Absolutely not. I don't know that I believe in love at all anymore." 

"I never pictured you a quitter." 

"Who's quitting? I'm simply speaking from experience." 

Not wanting to get into anything deeper than was needed for the evening he let her response go and asked her another question. 

"Other than obtaining custody of your daughter do you have any personal goals?" 

"I would like to rebuild my law practice. I miss the challenges, the legal push and pull. But, I don't think I'll rebuild in Port Charles. My daughter deserves a better life than what she would get here. And… " 

He felt her looking at him, waiting to finish her sentence until she had his complete attention. 

"I don't want to discuss it any further at this time, okay?" 

Her question was a statement voiced as gently as she could to keep from offending him and he would respect her wishes. Besides, things were going to get a lot heavier. He wanted to know more and Alexis seemed willing to be more open with him than ever before. He felt a pang of guilt knowing he was taking unfair advantage. But, if he was going to help her… he needed more. 

"What is the greatest loss you've ever suffered?" 

She looked up sadly and stared at him for a moment. Her hands were gripping the glass in her hands so tightly that Cameron reached to take it from her to keep her from cutting herself in case the glass broke. Setting the glass down on to the coffee table he picked up her napkin and placed it gently in her hands. She watched his every move and when he leaned back to wait she smiled softly. 

"Tell me something, Cameron. Did you take care of your wife as well as you take care of me?" 

Her question caused a sharp pain in his chest and he took a deep breath and let it out slowly until the pain passed. Reaching up he ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times in an effort to still the anguish within. He briefly regretted starting his little question game with Alexis. Had he known what turn it would take, he would have thought twice about it. But, it was only fair that she be allowed to ask whatever questions she had regarding his past. He took another deep breath before answering. 

"No, I didn't." 

He couldn't help the emotion that spilled out with those 3 words. He couldn't stop what the admission did to him in his heart. The only thing that saved him from making a total fool of himself was the gentle pressure of soft hands falling as gently as a leaf to rest on his. He looked down at the hands that covered his, then up to gaze into eyes that pulled him inside and soothed his heart as nothing else could. Tears that should have spilled years ago were again safely locked away. 

"Sorry. You caught me a little by surprise with that one." 

"Is this not what you intended, Dr. Lewis? A little truth session! If you want truth from me, you're going to have to give a little of your own. It's a two way street." 

"Actually what I intended was a nice leisurely evening with nothing on the menu except giving you an absolute untroubled few hours. I just wanted you to rest and relax… I wanted to pamper you and make everything go away for awhile. You didn't cooperate with me, though." 

Alexis smiled at him and lifted her hand to smooth back a lock of hair that had fallen across his forehead. 

"I thought I did very well at letting you 'pamper me'. I will admit that it was a little disconcerting to have someone lift me into position so I could eat my dinner. I'll have to remember that one for the next time." 

His head shot up and he searched her face to see if she was being serious or teasing him again. What he saw excited him. She was in fact teasing him, but her eyes told him more. Her eyes were willing. He relaxed and pulled one of his hands out from under her hold and then covered them. 

"You didn't answer my question." 

"Which one?" 

"What is the greatest loss you've ever suffered?" 

Alexis pulled her feet out from under Cameron then turned to sit beside him lifting her feet to rest on the coffee table. 

"You answer that question first, then I'll answer it. Deal?" 

Cameron studied her for a moment. He couldn't believe she was going to open up and talk to him… really talk to him. He reached around her and picked up the blanket he covered her with earlier then lay it across her legs tucking it around her feet to keep her warm then leaned back and draped his arm across her shoulders. 

"Deal." 

He took a minute to still the anxiety in him then wriggled deeper into the sofa and began to answer his own question. 

"I thought my answer would have been my son, Pete. But after the last 5 years, coming here and finding Alexander. I have to say he is my greatest loss." 

"But you haven't lost Zander, Cameron. He's here. Alive and well." 

"Alive and yet dead to me it seems. He isn't aware of it, but I watch him… all the time. It's like both of my sons are gone. He looks at me like I'm no more than the dirt under his feet. Hell, that's putting it mildly. The boy hates me. I can handle Pete being dead. I can even handle my own part in the reasons Pete died. What I can't handle is Alexander's animosity of me. I want…" 

"Do you love him, Cameron?" 

"He's my son." 

"I didn't ask you if he was your son. I asked you if you loved him?" 

"Yes. I love my son." 

"So tell him. It's a place to start." 

"I can't. He won't listen. I don't know how to talk to my son." 

"The same way you're sitting here talking to me, Cameron. You just open your mouth and say the words." 

"It's different with you. You don't hate me." 

"And neither does Zander. He's hurt, Cameron." 

"He has every reason to be. I treated him pretty bad." 

"Well, I'll have to agree with you on that one… given the boy who showed up here a few years ago." 

"How did you get involved with my son? What did you see in him that I couldn't? That boy worships the ground you walk on. He would do anything for you. How did you reach him, Alexis?" 

The more he spoke the more impassioned he became until he found himself pacing back and forth across the room. He didn't remember getting up from his place beside her and when he realized where he was, a feeling of loss struck him deep inside. Her soft voice fell on his ears and he was able to relax enough to return to sit back down beside her. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice like that." 

"Don't apologize for loving your son so much that his welfare inspires that level of care in you. Now sit back and I'll tell you what I see in your son." 

Cameron leaned back again settling comfortably beside Alexis and before he had a chance to put his arm around her he felt her reach over and take his hand in hers. She sat quiet for a moment putting her thoughts together. A tingle went up his arm as she unconsciously rubbed her thumb back and forth across his. 

"He was so scared when I first met him. And I don't doubt for a minute that if he heard me say that, he would swear by all that's right and holy that I was lying. But, Zander has never been able to hide what he felt. His eyes are just as full of expression as his father's are." 

She nudged him teasingly before continuing not waiting on a response from him. 

"Zander was hurting pretty bad when he came to Port Charles and he was full of anger. No one knew where he came from or where he was going. Well, his anger got him into trouble. Every time that boy gets a full head of steam going about something, he loses every bit of common sense he ever had. If he's hurt he lashes out and doesn't care what kind of trouble it gets him into. In fact, he goes looking for it. I guess he figures if he can find enough trouble to get into then maybe the hurt will go away. So he comes to town, gets himself into a load of trouble and needed help whether he wanted it or not. I was in the right place at the right time to help him… on more than one occasion. And it didn't hurt that we kind of hit it off. Zander was in desperate need for someone to care about him. He needed to know that he was worth something. And it just so happens that I have a thing about bringing home strays. All Zander needed was a little guidance and a lot of love. He is such an intelligent boy. I want him to go back to school, but he has ideas of his own so I support him any way I can and let him be his own man. It's all he's ever really asked of me." 

Cameron's head slipped down and his chin was resting firmly against his chest. At some point while Alexis talked to him about his son, he had taken her hand in both of his and leaned forward absently playing with her fingers. Her words made him feel guilty… a failure… She gave more to his son in the few short years she had known him than he and his wife had his whole life. As he sat with her hand in his he noticed a tear land on the back of her hand and looked up sharply to see what it was that caused her to shed tears again. 

He frowned in confusion. Her eyes were clear… dry. Alexis wasn't crying. He looked back down and just as he did another tear joined with the first and Cameron realized the tears were his own. As her hand came up to rest along his cheek he leaned over and lay his head on her shoulder. 'Just for a moment', he told himself. What would it hurt to lay the burden down for just a little while? What little restraint he had left trickled away as he felt her arms enclose him and pull him closer to her breast. 'Just for a moment…', he thought. 'Just for a moment.' 

"Cameron, why were you jealous of Zander?" 

Words so soft, they floated into his ears taking hold of his heart to gently cradle it. His own words, just as soft…. just as surprising… never before finding breathe to ride upon… 

"He had more of Pete's heart than I did."


	5. Chapter 5

****

Chapter 5

__

"He had more of Pete's heart than I did."

The words no sooner left his mouth than the all too familiar acidic turbulence of revulsion began to churn in the pit of his stomach. Alexis was the first person to ever hear what caused so much destruction in his life. He began to gather himself to move away from her. 

Sitting up he pulled away and tried to stand only to find himself hindered. He looked back to find Alexis holding his arm and reached to pry her fingers loose from the grip she had on him. 

"Cameron… stay with me." 

Her words caused a mountain of indecision to fall on him. He needed so much to put some space between them and yet he wanted to stay right beside her. There was something about this woman that made him want to stay. Alexander was right when he told Alexis that his Dad made a habit out of walking away. When certain issues weighed on him, he did the only thing he knew to do to keep the agony of failure from taking over completely and getting lost inside of it. He felt her fingers tighten around his arm and his own finally stopped fighting her hold on him. 

"I'm not going anywhere, Alexis." 

Her quiet compassionate voice filled his ears and somehow calmed the turbulence in his soul. 

"You already did. You dropped a bomb and immediately checked out on me. You can't do that if we're going to share secrets." 

"No one has ever heard me say that before. I have fought that demon for years now and it just seems to keep defeating me. How can a father be jealous of his own son? It's… it's… I can't even come up with a word disgusting enough to describe it. I should have been glad the boys could talk to each other; hell, if for no other reason than to present a united front against me. I ruined my boys and now one is pushing up daisies and the other wishes I were. How do I live with that, Alexis? How does a father live with the fact that he destroyed both of his sons lives?" 

Leaning forward he dropped his head into his hands and let silent tears fall to the floor. He didn't want her to see him cry… didn't want her to see his weakness. He jumped slightly as he felt her hand begin a slow caress across his back. Sitting motionless, he concentrated on the feel of her hand running up and down the span of his back. To be able to focus on something other than the grief was what kept him from succumbing to the hopelessness again. His mind mentally followed her hand… up, down, up down, back and forth… the repetition of her movement doing what little else could. Warm, comforting… caring; just like he did with Alexander when he was a baby to calm him down after having a fretful nap. As the memory burst into his mind he quickly reached back and caught hold of Alexis' hand as his heart screamed in agony… 'STOP'. 

He kissed the back of her hand to let her know he wasn't upset, then placed it on his cheek beneath his own. Holding her to him for a moment, he forced himself to focus on the warmth of her hand in an effort to still the raging tide in his soul. 

"Cameron, look at me." 

She gently guided his face toward her and his eyes closed to keep from having to see how repulsive he must look to her now. How could she not look at him with disdain? He could barely look at himself in the mirror in the morning. 

"Cameron… please. You won't see what you seem to be so sure of seeing. Look at me. Or would it be easier if I dressed up again… would you talk to the 'butler' if he were here?" 

The chuckle rose without warning. He couldn't help himself. She was such a treasure; always a constant surprise to him. At any given moment she could send him careening out of control in abject frustration and in the next draw him back to her side steady and sure of himself without uttering a single word. He slowly reached up and brushed his thumb across the top of her cheekbone and let his fingers slide into the darkness of her hair. 

"How do you do it, Alexis? How do you manage to care so much about my son and me given what you face every day of your life? How can your heart still be so big with everything that's happened?" 

"The same way yours is… given all that you've had to deal with. We do it because there is something inside of us that tells us we are useless unless someone needs us… unless we are helping someone. Our desire is to feel connected. So we do what we must in order to feed that part of ourselves that borders on starvation most days. Now, tell me about Pete and Zander; tell me about your life before Pete died." 

Dropping his hand back to his lap, he sighed heavily. He was tired… tired of the struggle… tired of the constant internal fight. If he could just sleep for a while… 

"I'd rather just drop it, Alexis. I've spent too much time already picking apart the past and what I could have done to change it." 

"I'm sure you have, but I want you to tell me what your life was like. Tell the story like you would read a newspaper if you think it might help. Just tell me who Cameron Lewis was before he lost his family." 

Glancing at her quickly, he saw how determined she was to keep him talking. A small weak smile found its freedom across his face, but never reached his eyes. 

"If we do this… then I get to pick up where I left off with my little question game and you have to answer any question I ask. Deal?" 

"You drive a hard bargain, mister?" 

"There's a lot on the line." 

"More than you can imagine." 

He watched her shift uncomfortably then settle back down again. 

"Well, is it a deal?" 

"I have one stipulation." 

"And that would be…" 

"Everything surrounding Kristina's biological father is off limits." 

He studied her face in an effort to gauge how serious she was and found that if he wanted any more cooperation from her, he would have to accept the boundary she was laying down. 

"How about I agree to said stipulation for the duration of the evening. No talk about Kristina's father at all tonight. Is that acceptable?" 

Cameron was utilizing his own brand of negotiation practices. At some point, if he and Alexis were to continue to be each other's confidant, the truth regarding Kristina's parentage would have to eventually come back into play. He didn't want to do anything that would close that door before he ever got to it. Her eyes were studying him just as intently as his were hers. She knew what he was up to… it was just a matter of deciding whether this evening was important enough to the both of them to want to clear away the obstacles so they could proceed. Her eyes left his momentarily and wandered around the room a few times as she fought an unseen battle with herself. When she finally returned her attention to him he couldn't help the sense of immense relief that washed over him. Alexis was giving more importance to him than she did a man who must have meant a great deal to her at one time. He watched fascinated as she extended her hand toward him. 

"Deal." 

Taking hold of her hand his smile held a hint of 'little boy' mischief as he tried to coax a smile from her knowing what her agreement was costing her. 

"Deal." 

As he stood up, he heard her ask incredulously, "Where are you going?" 

"There is a phone call I need to make first. Give me a minute." 

With curiosity she watched him walk to her desk and pick up the phone to quickly dial a number he would pay any amount of money to be able to forget. 

"Ned Ashton, please." 

"Cameron, what are you doing?" 

He turned at her question and placed a finger on his lips to quiet her until he finished the call." 

"Ned… Cameron Lewis. I have a bit of a problem that I need some help with. We have reached a critical stage in Alexis' therapy and I need you to help me get her over a bit of a hump…. Good, good. I appreciate your willingness to help. Alexis has begun to have nightmares that involve you and your entire family along with Skye and whoever the father of her child is. Her sister is also a part of the nightmare now. The nightmares are always the same in which everyone who has ever had any contact with the child is doing everything possible to keep her from the child. And Ned, that includes her sister. I think at this point you are more aware of what her sister meant to her than I am so I'll leave it to you to discern what level of disturbance that is causing in Alexis. In the dream, the child has begun calling out to her. Alexis is regressing and I need to find a way to stop it. Ned I need to know how much you care about Alexis and how far are you willing to go to help her get well." 

Cameron slid a glance toward Alexis to see how she was handling his conversation and winced at the fear and horror he saw on her face. He turned back toward the desk at Ned's response. 

"That doesn't sound like you care very much about the well being of the child's mother. We're talking about a woman who has been abandoned by everyone in her life… everyone who ever meant anything to her. Are you so selfish that you would deliberately turn your back on the mother of your child just to ease your own sense of worth? Ned, take a look at the last couple of years and try to measure what you've lost against what Alexis has faced and lost. Now tell me what could any court in the land do to this woman that hasn't already been done to her by people who professed to love her?" 

A small hand found its way around his waist and he felt her lean on him. Shifting the phone to his other hand he gathered her closer to him. As her head fell to rest on his shoulder he felt the warmth of her tears soak his shirt and he pulled her closer. He felt her tense a little and knew she heard Ned's 'What does she need,' response. 

"She and I are going to have a session in the morning as her regular therapist is out of town for a conference… I have called the judge and asked that a representative of the court be in attendance. Ned, Alexis needs some time with Kristina outside the destructive nature of the Quartermaine household. She needs to be able to feel safe enough to hold her daughter without fear of reprisal. Now, I know how cruel that may sound, but I would encourage you to take a step back and look at all of this from her point of view. Alexis needs you to help her get well. You have that power. The question now becomes, do you want Alexis well or do you want to see her slip away completely?" 

Cameron looked down to check on Alexis. Her eyes were closed, but he noticed that her other arm was now wrapped around him as well and she was holding on as if he were the only stable force keeping her from going under. He ran his hand up and down her arm a couple of times then leaned his head down to lay a brief kiss on her forehead. His attention was pulled back to the phone to finish his conversation with Ned. 

"Thank you, Ned. And when you bring Kristina by, I'm going to keep Alexis out of the living room until you're gone. Right now I think it best that she not see anyone who is threatening her......... I understand, Ned. But, we're not talking about how you see things. This is about Alexis and her daughter......... good, I knew you would see the logic in it. So, why don't you bring Kristina around about 10 in the morning. And Ned, leave Skye at home." 

Cameron was concentrating hard in an effort not to give himself away as Alexis was trying to kiss his cheek while he completed the call. She was fairly jumping up and down and it was getting difficult to keep his tone of voice even. Finally hanging up the phone he was forced to take a step backward as Alexis launched herself into his arms. He began to laugh at her animated expression and the wealth of 'Thank you's' exploding from her. 

"Alexis, stop. I have to make another call. This is not a done deal yet. I have to call the judge." 

She stopped immediately and the fear that visibly swept over her brought a lump into his throat. 

"I have to do this the right way, Alexis. I have to make sure that I don't do anything that will cause you to lose her permanently. Trust me, Alexis. I won't fail you this time." 

"But how can you do this? You're not my psychiatrist anymore. Cameron, please don't call Judge Farmer." 

Cameron turned her fully into his arms and hugged her close. 

"Alexis, please. Just trust me one more time. I know what I'm doing. If you will just give me a little more time here, I'll prove to you that we can get Kristina back with you in less time than the original six months." 

He pulled her away from him and lifted her chin with his finger so she was forced to look at him. 

"Let me work a little magic here. I think you'll be surprised at what kind of leverage I actually do have if allowed to use it in the right way." 

As she dropped her head again, she pulled him close and lay her head on his shoulder and nodded. 

"Alright, Cameron. Do it your way." 

He reached for the phone again and made the call that would complete his plans for the following morning. 

"Judge Farmer, I apologize for interrupting your evening……. Yes, yes I would be highly irritated as well, but I have a bit of an emergency that I need your help with. Dr. Ryan is away for a couple of days at a conference so I've been taking calls for her. One of Ms. Davis' neighbors called 911 after hearing her scream this evening. It seems that Ms. Davis has been having nightmares regarding her child……. No, I wasn't aware of them when I was in charge of her case. This is something that has started recently…… yes, I am with her now. She is currently sedated in an effort to allow her some time to rest without the nightmares interrupting her…….. No, the alternate personality has not surfaced since the episode in the courtroom. I believe that Ms. Davis has successfully put away the alternate, but the effects of being barred from a normal relationship with her daughter has escalated so much that she is unable to rest at night…….. The nightmares are of the child screaming for the mother and the mother not being able to go to or comfort the child. Not something any mother would handle very well as I'm sure you are aware……… No, I do not believe the child is in any danger at all when in the company of her mother……….. I would like to try something a little different in her next session, which will be in the morning………. I don't believe it would be in her best interests to wait for Dr. Ryan to return. But, if you would like I could have Dr. Ryan call you…….. yes, yes I agree wholeheartedly with you. You certainly do not need to be bothered with this case any more than absolutely necessary………. I would like to have Mr. Ashton bring the child to the session in the morning, but I want a court appointed representative there as well…….. I need to try and prove to Ms. Davis that the court only has the best interests of the child at heart as well as the good of her own welfare. I think that would go a long way in progressing her therapy……Yes, I will call Mr. Ashton myself and explain the situation to him and let him know that you are in full agreement……… Thank you, Judge Farmer and again I apologize profusely for interrupting your evening." 

As he hung up the phone, Cameron felt Alexis trembling against him. Looking down, he saw the tears coursing down her cheeks. Gently resting his head against hers he stood quietly holding her and let the last few minutes settle themselves in her heart. She would have her daughter in the morning free of the prying manipulative eyes of the Quartermaine's. A few moments passed and he felt her relax against him. 

"You told me to trust you… and I did. I let someone else take control of my life for once and I get my daughter… here… at home." 

Her voice held wonder and surprise and it made him feel like he owned the world. To be able to do something for her; to see her eyes smile… it healed a part of his own heart. Shifting her a little he led her back to the sofa and sat down pulling her with him. They sat cuddled together for a while and just as he was about to drift off, Alexis reminded him of their 'deal'. 

"Talk to me, Cameron. We have a deal going, remember?" 

She sat up and his arm dropped from her shoulders. Turning sideways on the sofa to face him she slid her leg behind him, then picked up two throw pillows to rest her back against, then crossed her arms and waited. Her foot grazed the inside of his arm and he again felt the chill of her toes. Moving his arm slightly he caught the top of her foot in the crook of his elbow and the chill immediately began to recede. He watched her face as he manipulated her foot into place and the hue of her eyes deepened with appreciation. She sighed contentedly and brought her other leg up to lay casually across the top of his legs and he draped his free arm across them taking hold of her other foot to warm it as well. 

"You know, it amazes me that you said you didn't treat your wife as well as you've treated me this evening. So tell me what happened, Cameron." 

"You're not going to let it go, are you?" 

"No, we have a deal. Remember? I don't talk unless you do." 

"Yeah, I remember. What's that old adage 'Curiosity killed the cat…' 

"Well it is an old adage, but it doesn't apply here because there are no cats in my home." 

"Right… no dogs either. I remember." 

"So….." 

"Relentless aren't you?" 

"In more ways than one. Now talk." 

He gazed at her a moment more then let his head fall to rest on the back of the sofa as his eyes studied the ceiling. 

"I married her in my last year of my residency. It was a marriage formed from lust and desperation. The life of a resident… a resident studying Cardiology is hell on earth. You are put through so many trials every damn day… just getting up in the morning becomes a miracle of science. That is when you are allowed to have a night free from the endless ER calls, nurses who are just smart enough to be dangerous or other residents who want the prestige of the title without doing the work. It got to a point where I needed someone to just be with me through the whole ordeal and she was there. She did everything she could to encourage, support and help me get through a difficult time. Things went along fine for a few years and along came Pete and Alexander. I thought I had the world by the tail. I was a doctor. A healer of the heart… what a laugh. It was my job to see that the most important organ of the body worked at peak proficiency. I was good at what I did and I saved lives every day of my life. I began to look at my boys as possible extensions of myself. If I could accomplish as much as I did, then so could they. Pete tried to live up to my expectations, but Alexander wouldn't have any of it. The boy fought me every step of the way. I'd get so angry with him because he refused to even try to see things my way. He walked out on me so many times it felt like there was a revolving door in my office at home. Pete... died and all that I had left was Alexander. A son who wanted nothing to do with the life I planned for him… wanted nothing to do with me. He tried to talk to me several times after Pete… but I wouldn't listen. He wasn't saying anything I wanted to hear. So, I put up a brick wall that he couldn't get around. Eventually he left… no, actually I drove him away with my indifference. It took a couple of years for the pain to subside enough for me to begin to take an interest in my life again. I looked up one day and there was no one left. Pete and Alexander were gone and my wife had turned her interests elsewhere. Then I found the notes that Pete left. His last words… his last thoughts were for Alexander. Such an intense jealousy raced through me. That hit me on such a deep level that I was forced to begin facing the truth of what I did to my family. I was forced to see what my ego, my selfishness had cost my family. It wasn't until after Pete died that a few home truths began to hit me right between the eyes. By then it was too late. I lost it all. So I walked away from everything. My job, my wife… everything that meant anything to me… I left it all and started over. I chose psychiatry because I could lose myself in other people's problems. I could handle my own when I was faced with the devastation of other people's lives. I haven't done too badly with it, but it's a far cry from being a renowned cardiovascular surgeon. I don't really miss it though… there's just so much emotional baggage, so much pain attached to that life. I was on top of the world, but I let my pride, me ego begin to dictate my life and it all fell apart. I think I'm better off where I am now. At least I was until Alexander showed up in the one place that I sought refuge in. I didn't realize how much I missed him until I saw him again. I need him, Alexis and the boy wants nothing to do with me." 

"Why do you need him, Cameron? To make yourself feel better or to help him deal with a past that has hurt him just as much as it has hurt you?"


	6. Chapter 6

****

Chapter 6

__

"Why do you need him, Cameron? To make yourself feel better or to help him deal with a past that has hurt him just as much as it has hurt you?"

As Cameron related the events that eventually led him to Port Charles he had been absently running his hand up and down the curve of Alexis' foot. At her question his hand stilled and his eyes closed. She was hitting too close to something that felt horrifically familiar in the recesses of his mind. She asked the one question that beat at him constantly day in and day out. He opened his eyes and rolled his head sideways to find her face. The concern… the compassion in her eyes fed him and he confessed his fears finally knowing without any doubt that she wouldn't turn away from him. 

"I made a life out of putting what I wanted first… my son suffered because of it. He's still feeling the effects of it. I don't know how to reach him, Alexis. It's so easy to sit and listen to someone else talk about such things. I can spout off so much therapeutic jargon it would make your head spin, but when it comes to my son… I lose my way. Everything I ever learned flies out the window in the face of reality and I'm left facing a boy that is full of hatred and pain. That boy loved his brother. I knew that. But, I stepped between them every chance I got. I didn't want Pete to become as independent and defiant as Alexander was. I didn't want to lose my first son. It tore my heart out that my strongest son… the one who would do anything to survive turned out to be the one who fought me the most… the one who had more courage and determination than I ever did. He's more than I ever thought of being, Alexis. I need him to teach me courage… I need him to teach me how to be loyal to the ones he loves… I want to know where he learned how to love the way he does. Where did he learn compassion? Those are things he did not learn at home." 

"He must have learned some of what he knows from his family. He kept a major part of his name. He didn't abandon his family completely, Cameron. His heart is still very much tied to you." 

"Alexis… he kept the nickname Pete gave him." 

The grief was rolling through him like waves of thunder. Pushing her leg to the floor he stood up and crossed the room in an effort to free himself of some of the anguish he was feeling. His brain was telling him to just keep moving… walk… pace… run… but his heart was beginning to chant a new song. Fight for him. Fight for him. He turned to look back at Alexis who had shifted to the edge of the sofa and was now leaning forward with her arms resting on the top of her thighs… patiently waiting for him to explain. 

"Pete called him Zander?" 

"Yes. Pete wanted to find a way to let Zander know how much he cared about him without having to actually say the words. So he came up with the nickname. No one was allowed to use it except Pete." 

"So, when he left home he took Pete with him in the only real way he could." 

"Right. That was a pretty big pill to swallow the first time I heard someone here use that name in reference to my son. It explains the immediate look of defiance he shot me." 

"That must have hurt you a lot." 

"It did. But, it also told me a lot as well. Alexander's love of his brother out weighed anything I could have ever done to try and separate them. He took with him the only thing that meant anything to him when he left. He took Pete with him." 

"Do you have any idea why he chose Smith for a last name?" 

"It was his mother's maiden name." 

"I see." 

"No, not yet you don't. Think about it, Alexis. If you really wanted to find someone who deep down in their soul really wanted to be found; how would you go about it?" 

"I would first start searching data bases for names that fit certain descriptions." 

"Exactly. How long would it have taken you, given what you now know regarding Alexander, to come up with 'Zander Smith' as an alias." 

"I see what you mean. He knows you didn't try to find him and he carries that along with everything else." 

"Exactly. Like I said, he has every right to feel the way he does about me." 

"I still think that you two can find a way back to each other, but it's going to take a lot of hard work on your part. You've done a lot of damage to him, Cameron. But, I believe in my heart that he wants you to be a part of his life. Everything he has been through here, everything he has done… there is a part of him missing and he wants it back. You can build a relationship with him if you really want to. But, it will all depend on how much you are willing to give… and are you willing to let go of your preconceived notions and accept him for who he is." 

Cameron crossed the room back toward Alexis and knelt in front of her. He took her hands in his as a hesitant smile touched his face. 

"Look I know you have a lot on your plate right now and I really don't have any right to ask…" 

"But," 

"But…" Cameron stopped and shook his head back and forth. It went against everything he believed to ask someone for help where his family was concerned. He should be able to fix his own life… his own mistakes. 

"It's a first step, Cameron. You have to be willing to lay down that self-absorption… your pride… and ask. Ask me, Cameron." 

He leaned forward slightly and rested his forehead on their entwined hands. The struggle was more than she could imagine… and yet, maybe not. He looked up into her eyes and searched them for several moments. His silent thoughts fought the war within. 'She's known heartbreak… she's known loss. She's lost almost everyone that she's ever loved. Yet, here she is with me. Telling me with the clearest eyes I've ever seen that all I have to do is ask.' He leaned forward again and brought his lips to the back of her hand and lingered for a moment. 

"Will you help me find my way back to my son? I don't know where to start, nor what it is he expects of me. Will you help me get my son back, Alexis?" 

"Well…… I guess it's the least I could do given what you've done for me this evening. But, I do have one condition." 

The twinkle in her eyes set him free. Her voice filled with care and mischief raised the hair on the back of his neck and all of a sudden he wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her until she no longer had breathe in her body. 

"Now that I was expecting… Name your condition." 

"I get the homemade spa treatment at least once a month." 

His hesitant smile morphed into an enormous grin he couldn't contain. 

"You realize that our little spa adventure has not yet been completed, don't you?" 

"No, I didn't realize it. Cameron, you've done what you set out to do. I'm relaxed, almost ecstatic. I can't really claim a full ecstatic state yet since my daughter won't arrive until 10 in the morning, but all in all I think the evening has been a great success. What more could you possibly have up your sleeve… or in your basket as the case may be." 

"I take it you are ready to complete your spa treatment?" 

She looked at him warily and leaned back against the sofa. 

"It doesn't require me to reveal an extensive amount of skin, does it?" 

"Actually, if we are to do this right. You are going to have to completely strip." 

Trying to contain the laughter that was threatening to explode from him at her look of shock was like trying to contain a volcanic eruption. He didn't realize her eyes could look so big and so beautiful at the same time. But it was her attempt to casually pull the edges of her '_Dobson_' vest closed without drawing his attention to her efforts that was the final straw. He reached out and took her hands within his own and stilled her movements as laughter overtook him. Her exasperated sigh was the only thing that finally brought his laughter under control. 

'I'm sorry, Alexis. But, that look on your face was priceless. And just to put your mind at ease, I won't be in the same room with you. Now you sit here a few minutes and let me get everything ready. Also, lest you forget… once this part of your spa adventure is complete, there is this verbal contract we agreed to earlier… remember?" 

With resignation she nodded her acceptance and watched him pick up his basket from the coffee table and head toward the hall. 

Alexis leaned back and rested her head against the back of the sofa. The last hour had been a bit exhausting. Watching Cameron relive the devastation of his past was heartbreaking. But, one thing she now knew for certain. Cameron wanted Zander in his life and wanted a relationship with him. It was more than she could have hoped for. What she hadn't known until this evening was that Cameron was probably suffering more from the past than Zander was now. As she reclined on the couch, Alexis let the various conversations of the evening replay in her mind and before she knew it she fell asleep again. 

He walked back into the living room to pick up something he forgot and found her asleep once more. Walking closer he knelt beside the sofa and for a moment watched her sleep. In sleep, Alexis was more beautiful than ever. He didn't know if it was normal for her to lose the worry lines while sleeping or whether it was because of the different circumstances in which she would see her daughter in the morning. But, he couldn't help wondering and hoping that just maybe, his care of her was part of the reason. Absentmindedly he reached toward her and just before his fingers found her bottom lip, he realized what he was doing and pulled back. What would she think if she woke and found him staring at her like this? She moved restlessly for a moment then settled back again and Cameron grew concerned at the uncomfortable slant of her neck. Standing he reached down gently placed his hands beneath her shoulders and began to turn her around so that she could lay down comfortably. She stirred and began to open her eyes. 

"_Shhh_… I'm just laying you down so that you won't hurt your neck. Go back to sleep, Alexis." 

He barely heard her plea as he began to move away from her. 

"Don't go." 

Leaning over he whispered in her ear, "I'm not leaving you, Alexis." 

Straightening back up he finished his thought quietly. 

"Not ever. You and I belong together. We just have to find our way through the mess we've gotten ourselves into. Both yours and mine. Then everything will be okay. We'll be okay." 

Cameron picked up the blanket from the floor and covered her, then returned to his place at her feet. He doubted she would sleep long. He would wait for her… it wasn't hard. In fact, it was getting easier by the minute…. this waiting on Alexis.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

She frowned in her sleep as a vague sense of being tied down tickled the back of her mind. Shifting slightly she bent her knee in an effort to dislodge it from its confinement and the weight immediately lifted. Strange, she thought. She opened her eyes enough to gaze down toward her feet and met the warm familiar eyes of the man who had successfully stolen a piece of her heart. 

"Hi." 

"Hello." 

"Do you have to do that?" 

"What?" 

"Watch me sleep." 

"I find it a very fascinating past time." 

"What's so fascinating about how I sleep?" 

"You ask too many questions and if I remember correctly it does happen to be my turn to ask the questions." 

"Now? I'm not even fully awake yet. What time is it anyway?" 

"Around 10, I think." 

"Cameron, you didn't have to stay. I'm perfectly able to fend for myself." 

"You asked me to stay." 

"Excuse me? I don't rem… _I asked you to stay_?" 

"Very seductively I might add." 

Gripping the back of the sofa Alexis tried to pull herself up into a sitting position but found it quite difficult. It didn't help any that her clothes were tangled in the blanket and one of the buttons on her vest was actually caught in the fabric of the blanket. She dropped back with a frustrated sigh and heard Cameron chuckle. She glared at him menacingly in an effort to hide the smile that threatened when she realized just what kind of a predicament she was in. 

"It's not funny. Do you know what you've done to me?" 

"ME? I'm just sitting here minding my own business waiting for you to wake up so I can complete my task for the evening." 

"No more, Cameron. I can't move now as it is." 

"You can't move, Alexis? Why?" 

"My body doesn't want to work right anymore. You've completely ruined me. How in the hell am I supposed to get up and function with any amount of dexterity now that you've turned my body into a blob of jelly." 

At the sound of his full-throated laughter she caved. They laughed together, comfortably… finally stopping when Cameron rose to his feet, dislodging himself from the weight of her legs that had somehow found their way onto his lap again as she slept. 

"Need some help?" 

She watched helplessly as he grasped the blanket with one hand, the offending button with the other and began to work her free. Long, tapering, strong masculine fingers… moving against her... tantalizing that part of her that had remained dormant for so long. An errant gasp was caught just before finding ears that would betray her... before eyes that would sear her soul could look up to pierce her heart, taunting her… teasing her with the secret she desperately needed to keep hidden from him. He mustn't know how attractive she thought him to be. He couldn't know just how much she wanted to pull him to her to cover her warmly as the blanket she lay under did. 

"There. Now are you ready? Alexis……… Alexis…………. Hey, where are you?" 

"Hmmm…. What? Oh nothing… I mean… here…" 

"Where did you go?" 

"I was just thinking." 

"About what?" 

What indeed. What was she thinking about? 'Make it good, Alexis. Think. Think. Think'. She stifled the chuckle that rose as a vision of Winnie the Pooh skated through her thoughts. 

"Well, I was just wondering what else you had in mind for me tonight? I can't imagine what else you could do that you haven't already done." 

"So you're ready for the next phase I take it." 

"I don't know that I am. I seem to remember something about 'no clothes'. Cameron, you aren't going to embarrass me are you?" 

"Not in the least. That would defeat the purpose of what we're trying to accomplish. Now, just relax and let me get things set up. It's almost ready, I've been quite the busy little bee while you napped. Is there anything I can get for you while I finish everything?" 

"That wouldn't happen to be coffee I smell, would it?" 

"One of the richest brews around. Strong enough to put a bit of hair on your chest, but smooth enough for you not to notice." 

He watched her laugh and felt the need to reach for her. He tightened his grip on the blanket he still held in his hands. The evening was about her. Somewhere along the way she successfully switched gears on him and ended up with his life's story, but he was back on track now and nothing was going to deter him again. At least he hoped not. After all, this was Alexis he was dealing with. 

"Sit tight, angel. I'll bring you a cup." 

A flush spread across her face at the endearment and she ducked her head to hide the evidence of her pleasure at being referred to in such an intimate manner. She heard him walk toward the kitchen and the feeling it left her with stunned her. It felt as if he actually took her heart with him. Such an intense feeling… so intense it became almost visual. 

'No, Alexis. You will not do this. He is your friend. He is helping you get your daughter back. Don't do anything that could threaten the custody of your daughter. Now stop it. Just enjoy what he is offering and think of him like you think of Jax." 

She jumped slightly as a cup of steaming coffee appeared before her. Taking it carefully into her hands she offered her thanks. 

"Mmmmm…. Smells good. Thank you, Cameron. I'm not even tired… what are you doing?" 

While she was fidgeting around trying to thank him, Cameron moved around to the back of the sofa and pulled her brush from his back pocket. Very carefully he began to brush it back and when all of the strands were laying neatly in his hand he twisted upward and used a hair clip to hold it all up off her neck. She suddenly sensed his absence and turned to find him gone. A moment later he was standing beside her again with a twinkle in his eye. 

"Ready?" 

"I'm not sure." 

"Trust me?" 

"Well... I didn't do so bad the last time you asked me to trust you, so…" 

"Ok then, hang on." 

She yelped as he picked her up in his arms and began to carry her toward the hallway. 

"Cameron, what are you up to? Please don't make me regret trusting you." 

"Alexis, just remember tonight is and always has been about you." 

Reaching the bathroom, he stepped in and gently put her down. His ears heard her faint gasp and he quietly backed out pulling the door shut behind him. 

There were a dozen candles scattered around in just the right places to cast one's attention on the reason she now found herself in the bath. A mild scent of mulberry wafted through the air and a mountain of bubbles waited patiently to play havoc against her skin. She had been picked up and transported into a heavenly delight and the smile that graced her face put the glow of the candles to shame. Alexis began to shed the last vestiges of her 'alternate' and stepped into the bath slowly sinking down into its warmth. Just as she began to settle back she noticed the air pillow lying next to the tub and reached for it. Pillowing her head she sank a little further down and began to slowly let go of the tension that lived with her around the clock now. Closing her eyes she slipped a little lower until her shoulders were submerged and smiled as she realized what it was that was gently caressing and tickling her skin. Cameron had placed effervescent tablets in the bottom of the tub and the bubbles were dancing toward the surface gently kissing their way across her skin on their journey toward freedom. Sighing deeply she relaxed even more and found her ears being enticed by what she recognized as the soft rhythmic sounds of Ferrante & Teicher quietly echoing throughout the small room. The only question she asked before succumbing to absolute heaven was, 'If he didn't learn it from his wife, where did he learn it?' 

Leaving her in peace, Cameron returned to the living room and began cleaning up. He figured he had about an hour to get everything cleaned up and ready for the next phase. 

Once the remnants of dinner were discarded, Cameron poured a cup of coffee for himself and sat down to wait for Alexis. As much as he knew Alexis was enjoying herself, it did not escape him that he was actually benefiting more from the experience than she probably was. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he felt such an overwhelming sense of peace within himself. And it was because of her... because of Alexis. There were so many things in needed in his life, but right here… in this place… in this moment… everything he wanted and needed was wrapped up in the woman who lay soaking in a sea of bubbles just a few steps away. He smiled… and sat back to wait. 


	8. Chapter 8

****

Chapter 8

He heard her bare feet slip across the floor toward him and looked up as she sat down on the sofa beside him. She was a vision of loveliness. The deep mahogany silk that covered her gave her a look of royalty… of elegance… refinement… a sensual electricity that set his blood on fire. He couldn't have known when he selected that particular outfit just how ravishing it would look on her. Soft wet tendrils of hair stuck provocatively to her skin and his fingers itched to free them. 

"How do you feel?" 

"Like a princess… like a pampered, spoiled, rotten little princess and you have no idea just how much I enjoyed that. I think I liked it more than anything else you've done to me this evening. And it was such a lovely way to end my little spa adventure." 

"Who said anything about being finished?" 

"Cameron, what more can you do to me… never mind don't answer that? I think I could get into a lot of trouble if I allowed you to answer that question with the look you're giving me." 

"Nothing but the most innocent of intentions on my part, Miss Davis. Would you like another cup of coffee?" 

"Yes I think I would like another cup, but I can get it myself, Cameron." 

"Hogwash. Just be still and let me handle everything. And just so you're prepared, when I come back I will be shifting your seat again." 

"Shifting my seat? Cameron, do you know what that sounds like?" 

"Actually sounds pretty dicey, doesn't it?" 

"At least." 

"Good. 'Keep 'em guessing' has always been a favorite motto of mine." 

She watched him walk from the room and felt her mouth water a bit. Not one single movement was wasted. A well orchestrated sensually arousing symphony that played upon her every nerve. As he left her sight she dropped her gaze and frowned at the quivering she noticed in her fingers. 'Not good, Alexis', she thought. 'Definitely not good but absolutely delicious.' She was unaware of the dancing light in her eyes when she looked up again to find Cameron standing beside her offering her a cup of coffee. 

"You ready for the last phase of this little adventure?" 

"My clothes stay on, right?" 

Cameron kneeled down beside her and rested his elbows on the sofa. The light in her eyes sent his senses skyward and he felt his body shift toward her. Recognizing the intense desire of his body to feel her next to him began another tedious war in his head. 'It's not the right time, buddy. Don't mess this up. Just do what you planned to and somewhere down the road if you don't screw it up, maybe… just maybe…' 

"Yes, Alexis. Your clothes stay on…….," but he couldn't resist a parting shot as he stood up, "And so do mine." 

She again choked on the gasp that erupted from her and felt the heat spread across her face, brought on by the visual that flew through her mind. The gentle hand that tenderly claimed the center of her back did nothing to dispel the fire that was threatening to overtake her. 

"Are you alright, Alexis? I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause you any distress… or embarrassment. It was just an attempt at a little humor. 

"No, No… it's fine. I'm just not used to your brand of humor I guess." 

"You'll get used to it in time, but for now… let's get started, shall we?" 

"Cameron?" 

Her quiet hesitant voice stilled the blood racing through him. 

"Yes?" 

"I'm not used to this kind of treatment… from anyone. I don't exactly know how to respond… or thank you. It's just…" 

"Alexis?" 

She looked up when he interrupted her and her heart cried out at the concern and compassion radiating from eyes that reached out and captured her soul. 

"There is no reason to thank me, no reason for you to question what I'm doing. Right now all you need to do is just… accept. Accept what I'm trying to do for you… what I'm trying to give you. That's all I want from you. Just accept a kindness being extended to you. Can you do that, Alexis? Can you just sit back and let me do the giving for a while?" 

"You don't understand. In my world there is no give without someone wanting something in return or vice versa. That's just the way it is. I accepted that a long time ago and learned how to survive and even make my own way." 

"And in my world, people are what matters. I learned it the hard way. If there is something you want to do for someone, do it. Don't wait for the perfect opportunity… it may never come. Don't wait for them to ask… they may never ask. You simply do what you can to make their life a little easier to bear." 

"How do I get from my world into yours?" 

Her faint words struck a chord in him. Such the little girl lost wanting nothing more than to be found by a prince… wanting nothing more than to be saved from a lifetime of torment. Cameron knelt down in front of her, took the cup from her and placed on the coffee table then gathered her small hands into the comfort of his own. 

"You already are a part of my world, Alexis. But, you're straddling the fence so to speak. You're afraid to jump off the fence for fear of losing what that other world offers you. My question to you is what do you find so fascinating about that other world that you stay so firmly connected to it?" 

"There are people I care about in that 'other world' you're speaking of. There is Jax, Zander, and Stephan and… and…" 

"Why do you hesitate, Alexis?" 

Her eyes were filled with pain and it hurt him to see just how much she missed her family and friends… what few there actually were now. 

"Nicho…" 

"Wait let's analyze this for a minute. Let's take Zander first. We really can't count him as being a part of the 'other world' because there is this angel I know who is going to help bring him into my world." He was able to coax a weak smile from her, but lost it again with his next question. 

"What about Jax? Where is he now, Alexis?" 

"I don't really know. Off trying to find himself again, I suppose." 

He could see she was desperately trying to keep the bitterness and hurt out of her voice. If he could wrap his hands around that idiots throat, just once… 

"Again? I see. Tell me, when was the last time you saw him?" 

"At the Quartermaine's I believe. He was there to see Skye." 

"To see Skye or to help Skye?" 

"I think he was trying to help her out some sort of trouble, I don't really remember." 

"Yes you do, Alexis. In fact, didn't he tell you to back off of Skye when you were doing your best to protect your child?" 

"He doesn't know everything that has happened. He doesn't know what I did." 

"Alexis, don't you see? All he needed to know was that you were his friend and you were in trouble and needed help. That's all the man should have been concerned with. But, we'll leave that alone for now. I can see you are not about to let me get by with any derogatory remarks concerning Jax. You should try bottling that sense of loyalty you've got going there. You could single handedly rebuild the finances of the Cassadine empire." 

"How…" 

"How did I know about the Cassadine fortune or the lack thereof… Let's just say I keep my ear to the ground when certain friends of mine are in trouble. Which brings me to… Stephan." 

"Leave him alone, Cameron." 

"Like he left you alone?" 

"I mean it, Cameron." 

"I can see that. Just one question though, if I may. When was the last time your 'brother' inquired about you, your sister… your daughter…" 

He lost her. Questioning the actions of her brother had crossed an unseen boundary. It broke his heart to see the distance in her eyes now. She wouldn't look at him; she simply stood up and walked away. She moved to stand in front of the balcony doors and pulled the curtain aside to stare out… unseeing. He followed and stood beside her without touching her. He felt her distance herself even more. 

"I'm sorry, Alexis. I didn't see the line. I crossed it before I knew it was there. Please accept my apology. I never meant to hurt you. But, I won't apologize for caring about you." 

She turned to face him and tears were quietly falling down her face. 

"I can't ask for more than is my due, Cameron. This is my life… the one I chose. I live every day with the mistakes I've made. I choose not to dwell on my brother or Jax. To look any deeper than the surface would hurt too much. I have enough to deal with. They come and go… and if I'm real lucky they'll stop by every once in a while. That's just the way it is. I love them both, but if I want them in my life it has to be on their terms." 

Cameron took the last step toward her and drew her into his arms. He felt her shudder against the tide of hurt that both men had caused and he pulled his arms tighter around her and lay his head atop hers. He held her for a while until the turmoil eased inside of her then bent down and placing his arm under knees lifted her into his arms. He couldn't stop the feeling born in his heart that he was holding his world in his arms.


	9. Chapter 9

****

Chapter 9

"What are you doing?" 

"Well, since you weren't supposed to leave the sofa… and my job is not yet finished. I'm taking you back to your perch and we're going to finish what we started." 

"Cameron, it's just a couple of steps. I can get to the sofa all by myself." 

Her laughter eased a bit of the tension he felt brought on by his waltzing into matters that Alexis clearly wasn't ready to deal with. Truth be told, she probably wouldn't ever be ready to deal with them given it would take a complete adjustment in her way of thinking. So for now they would deal with the issues that she was comfortable with. Time was on his side whether Alexis knew it or not. 

"Stop fidgeting before I drop you. And all you have to do is accept, Alexis. Accept that I'm just trying to do a service for you that you've needed for a long time. So just sit back and… accept." 

She crossed her arms dramatically in front of her and rolled her eyes at him. 

"Fine… this is me… accepting." 

"Good." 

He placed her on the sofa just as he did earlier when he brushed her hair out and pulled the brush from his back pocket once again. Kneeling down he took away the hair clip and let her hair fall down the side of the sofa. Taking his time he brushed her hair until it crackled with electricity. He could have stayed on his knees brushing the delicate strands of her hair for hours but he needed to get on with the next phase. Sitting back on his heels he breathed deeply reached out and ran his hand through her hair once more then stood up and moved to her side sliding her over just enough so he could sit beside her… his hip resting against hers. 

"Now all you have to do is relax. Let me do all the work." 

"Sounds ominous." 

"Not in the least. This should take away all the stress, the worries, the tension." 

"You have some kind of miracle drug in that basket of yours? Cameron, I don't do drugs." 

He laughed gently and reached into the basket that was on the coffee table again waiting to share its wealth of wonders. This time he pulled a tube of lotion from its depth and squeezed a dollop into his palm. Returning its cap he tossed it back into the basket and focused his attention back on Alexis. 

"I'm going to gently massage some of this into the tender parts of your skin where the glue has begun to irritate the flesh just like I did before when we took off the offending articles. It might sting a little in the beginning, but that will pass quickly. Now close your eyes." 

Cameron began to massage the lotion into her skin much as he had earlier, however this time he was more aware of her. This time her eyes never left his face. Inch after inch he covered the reddened areas of her skin and with every caress he became more aware of her eyes as they bore into him… reaching so far into his soul that he feared he would lose himself. As his thumb began a slow silky caress along the line of her chin his gaze dropped to her mouth and his thumb absently followed his eyes to rest on her bottom lip. Would he taste the aftermath of the coffee or would he taste the natural sweetness of her? Would she pull away if he dared? 

"Cameron?" 

"Hmmm… uhmm… what?" 

"Where did you go?" 

"Oh sorry I was just thinking." 

From the direction his musings took him, Cameron thought it was high time to put a little conversation on the table... Preferably something that wouldn't tempt his appetite for the woman that lay calmly beside him allowing him to take certain liberties with her that he believed she had never experienced before. Especially at the hands of a man who wanted more… who wanted the freedom to run his hands over every inch of her body… who wanted to lose himself in her. 

"Must have been pretty serious given it took you a while to hear me call you." 

"I was just thinking that you owe me some answers now." 

"I do seem to recall a certain deal we made. So go ahead, ask your questions but remember there is a boundary in place." 

Straightening up, Cameron picked up a damp towel off the coffee table and wiped the remaining lotion from his hands then reached for the basket again. The question that was already on the table would be difficult for her, but at least both of their minds would be on something other than how his hands felt on her. 

"I remember… nothing in regards to Kristina's father. No problem. But, do you remember what the last question was?" 

He felt more than saw her hesitate then mentally strengthen her resolve to hold up her end of their deal. 

"Alexis, would you like to void the deal. It's fine if you don't want to discuss it." 

"No it's okay. I remember the question… it's just… hard." 

"I know." 

He pulled a bottle of lotion from the bottom of the basket and poured some into his palm then recapped the bottle. Rubbing his hands together a moment he then reached for her left arm and began to rub the lotion in starting at the top of her arm and moving down toward her hand. 

"Now I know why this little outfit you provided has short sleeves rather than the long I'm accustomed to. You must have had this planned for quite a while. How often have you bought nightwear for women, Cameron?" 

"This is the first and you're stalling. Just talk, Alexis. Read me a book. What is the greatest loss you've ever suffered?" 

Alexis relaxed into the feel of his hands running up and down her arm and began to slowly answer the question. 

"Most everyone I know would automatically assume that losing my sister was the greatest loss I've suffered. And if you had asked me that question a year ago her loss would have been the greatest. But, after thinking about it… I believe it would be more accurate to say that Luis Alcazar was the greatest loss I've suffered." 

His hands abruptly stopped their ministrations as he stared at her in shock and confusion. 

"Alcazar? Alexis, why?" 

"That one loss of human life cost me in ways I could never have imagined a year ago. I not only lost my sister because of him, but I lost my daughter. I lost my livelihood, my license to practice law. I lost the respect of my peers that I fought long and hard for. I lost my reputation. I lost respect for the judicial system that I spent the better part of my life defending and I lost faith in myself. What I lost on a personal basis has already cost my daughter. Out of all of it… losing faith in myself is the most devastating not only to me but to my daughter as well. She will suffer because her mother is less than she once was. Because of Luis Alcazar, before and after his death… I lost everything." 

His hands began to gently massage her arm once again. He allowed silence to fill the room as they both took in the magnitude of her words. Picking the bottle of lotion up he poured a little more into his palm and then began to work on her hand. Finger by finger he paid careful attention to his chore and when he felt her eyes rest on him again he looked up. The sadness, the loss… it was there in her eyes. His hands drew still and he lowered her hand down to rest within his own atop his thigh. His heart was bleeding for her and he needed to try and ease a bit of the pain she was feeling. Reaching for her with his left hand he tenderly moved the hair away from her eyes and leaned forward to gently rest his lips against hers. Without passion, without desire… he just wanted to try and heal some of the hurt. Breaking away from her he leaned back then continued to massage her hand. 

"Not that I agree with your statement about being less than you once were, because I don't; but I will leave it until another time. I'm not up to arguing with you tonight. Ready for another question?" 

He felt her heave a sigh of relief and mentally slapped himself on the back for not pushing the issue. By some miracle he had read her right this time. 

"Why not, we've come this far. I don't think there's much more you could ask that could measure up to the last one. Do your worst, Dr. Lewis." 

She was teasing him in an effort to let him know she was okay. And gazing into her eyes he found that she successfully put away the pain caused by Luis Alcazar or as much as she could given the level of devastation the man had caused her. 

"You and I are alike in more ways than one, Miss Davis. We have the ability to put away that which hurts us the most. No one who comes into contact with us on a daily basis could ever fathom the dysfunction we live with every day. No one could grasp the punishment we force ourselves to endure by our own hand regarding the failures that are so disproportionate to the successes of our lives." 

"Where did you read that one?" 

"I think it was in the last 'American Psychiatry' issue. It sounded so good I figured it would come in handy some day so I memorized it." 

They laughed together for a moment each knowing that he hit closer to home than they really cared to admit. 

"What's your next question, doctor?" 

"How about… outside of your daughter, who is the most important person in your life?" 

"Right now I would have to say Ned Ashton." 

His jaw dropped with incredulity as he fought to understand. "Ashton? Ned Ashton?" 

"Ouch… Hey… relax Cameron. My daughter is going to need me to have full use of my hand in the morning." 

He immediately loosened the painful grip on her hand and began to gently coax the blood back into her fingers. 

"Sorry. You caught me off guard with that one." 

"I'll say. Where did you get a grip like that?" 

"Don't leave me hanging, Alexis. Could you please explain to me why Ned Ashton holds a place of such importance in your life now?" 

"You wouldn't happen to be jealous would you, Dr. Lewis?" 

"Alexis…." 

"Alright, Alright. Lighten up, Cameron." 

Cameron finished with her left hand then reached for her right arm. He needed time to get control of himself. Her answer to his question had thrown him and he felt the heat of jealousy begin to churn in his stomach. He had no use for Ashton. The man was an imbecile and his treatment of Alexis… 'Calm down, man. Let her explain. Don't blow this out of proportion.' 

"I seem to have an unhealthy dislike of your friend Ned Ashton." 

"I can see that, but it's not what you think. My daughter is under Ned's care. I put my daughter into his arms and asked him to take care of her. And since he is failing miserably, I can't help but constantly worry about the welfare of my daughter while she is in his care… in that house of incompetent misfits… vulnerable to Skye's manipulations." 

"But we're going to fix that, Alexis." 

"You don't understand, Cameron. Ned and I have a history." 

Cameron picked up the bottle of lotion again and continued his care of Alexis. There was a storm of unease and confusion raging through him and he needed to keep busy in order to contain the turmoil inside. She was waiting for a response from him and gauging the look on her face she knew he was having trouble with the turn of the conversation. 

"Go on, Alexis. Tell me. I want to understand this." 

"I'm sure you already know that Ned and I were… intimately involved for quite a while. He was the first person that I really let myself go with and even in saying that, there was so much that I couldn't share with him. We had fun together; shared a great deal of ourselves with each other. Ned became a cornerstone for me in a lot of ways. We had our highs and lows, but through it all we were able to remain friends. When I found myself pregnant and on my own, it was Ned that came through for me again. But, the thing that tore us apart in the first place is the very thing I'm having to fight now. Ned never did trust my competency to handle my own life. He was constantly trying to change me… force his beliefs on me. He always made me feel somehow inadequate. So what do you think happened when I created this grand scheme of bringing another personality into the picture to cover up the fact that a man died at my hands? In Ned's eyes, I basically proved to him that he had been right all along about me. Would it matter to him that it was an accident? No, it wouldn't." 

"I don't understand why he hasn't figured all of this out if you and he were so close at one time. Hell, how long did it take me to figure out who 'Dobson' was? And for that matter, I've only known you for about 8 months and even though you frustrate the hell out of me sometimes, I know what you've done has all been just to protect your daughter. I know Alkazar's death was an accident. What is it about this guy that he can't see what I see?" 

"All Ned sees is that 'his' daughter's mother is mentally unbalanced. You see the only way Ned could 'handle' me was to wrap me up in a pretty little box with a pretty little bow tied on top. Whatever came along that didn't fit inside that pretty little box he created was of no use to him. Not only did he limit me, but he limited what we could have been together. If he had just let me be me then I would have eventually trusted him enough to share everything with him… every part of my life. But evidently, it is just my lot in life to attract men who think I am incapable of or intelligent enough to run my own life. Granted I do make mistakes, but up until this last one I haven't done so badly with the day to day operations of my life. Those that I hold close though have other opinions and feel the need to remind me of that every chance they get." 

He ducked his head as the import of her statement hit him squarely right between the eyes. 

"Me included." 

"You included." 

Alexis pulled her arm out of his grasp and covered his hands with her own as she leaned forward intently to make sure she had his full attention. 

"Cameron, I can't see a way out of this mess without losing Ned as a friend. It's one more loss I will have to deal with. But, my daughter is more important to me than all the friends and family I have ever been blessed with. She is the reason I breathe now. I've lost a lot in my life, but I have survived it all. I would not survive losing my daughter." 

Cameron pulled his hands from hers and gently took her into his arms and whispered. 

"If there ever comes a point in time that it looks like you might lose your daughter, I will personally pack your bags for you and call Luke Spencer to help me find a way to lose you somewhere in the world. But, I don't think it will come to that. I believe we are going to win this fight. You and I are going to work hard to bring that little girl home to her mother where she belongs. That is my promise to you, angel. I will not fail you, Alexis. Never again." 

Her arms found their way around him and the warmth of them reached deep into the core of him. She pulled him closer and he went willingly. Her soft, 'Thank you' held more emotion than he thought mere words could hold and in that moment vowed on his own life that he would not let her down. Somehow Alexis would have her daughter with her as soon as he could possibly attain it and he would use every means necessary… every alliance at his disposal… every debt owed him… be it legal or not.


	10. Chapter 10

****

Chapter 10

"Alexis? Angel, it's time to get up. Come on sleepy head. You have an appointment to keep." 

She was dreaming… Fingers floating across every inch of her… silky sensual fingers teasing her body… warm and tender… soft hands melting her skin… reaching in to soothingly caress her heart… Suddenly a shock of cool air chasing the warmth away… hands leaving the planes of her body… leaving her screaming her want… her need… 'No don't stop, don't go… please don't go… Cameron'. 

"Alexis, I'm just a man. You can't touch me like that and not expect me to respond in a similar manner." 

Her eyes slammed open to find herself staring at the wall on the opposite side of her bed. She lay there a moment trying to put the scattered pieces of her memory together and found herself facing a dilemma of sorts. The problem was she couldn't account for certain parts of her body. She was finding it hard in the groggy aftermath of sleep to determine just exactly why she seemed to missing a hand. However, she was well aware of what the deep resonant melodic voice in her ear was doing to her senses. As the effects of sleep continued to recede she became aware of the up and down movement of her arm and an intense heat racing toward her heart. Familiar heat… heat that could only be generated by one source. CAMERON! Her head whipped around to find him leaning over her and her errant hand hidden inside the top of his shirt following the rise and fall of his chest. Snatching her hand away from him she heard the distinctive sound of a button popping off his shirt and the blush that stole across her face could have melted the 'Titanic' iceberg on sight. 

"Oh no… Cameron. I… I'm sorry. I didn't… it… it was a dream." 

She continued to sputter apologies until the full realization hit her that she was in her bedroom, in bed, the sun pouring in the window boasting a new day… and Cameron was standing beside her. 

"Where… How… You…" 

"No, Alexis you slept in your bed all alone. I was quite the gentleman for your information. Much more so last night than this morning however, given what you just put me through. But, never fear my abilities to tame the beast in favor of the gentleman are legendary. You faded on me last night, so I finished up and then carried you to bed. No muss, no fuss. But, you fell asleep before I got the answer to my last question. I guess we are just going to have to repeat the whole process now." 

He chuckled at her speechlessness. A mountain of emotions were having their way within her eyes as well as on her expressive face; and to know that she had been dreaming about him very nicely completed the whole experience for him. 

"How do you feel?" 

"Disoriented." 

"That's to be expected given how far I had to pull you from wonderland." 

"That's enough, Cameron. I am not responsible for dreams that could occur given how much you had your hands all over me last…" 

The moment she realized what she was saying Cameron laughed outright at the adorably embarrassed beautiful creature shifting uneasily in front of him. 

"You can leave anytime now, Cameron." 

"Actually I can't. We have some business to take care of this morning and you have about an hour to prepare for your daughters arrival." 

He didn't have time to move out of her way before he found his backside hitting the floor as she leaped out of bed pushing him aside racing toward the door. He lay there for a moment laughing as she changed courses and headed for the closet and halfway there changed her mind again to head back toward the doorway. Just as she changed her mind again he reached up and caught the hem of her pajama bottoms. 

"If you don't stop you are going to find yourself minus a certain important piece of apparel, Alexis." 

As she reached for the elastic band of her pajama bottoms she glared at him, "What in the hell are you doing? I don't have time for your antics this morning. My daughter is coming. Now let go." 

Letting go of her pajamas he lunged for her hand as he rose from the floor preventing her from running again. 

"Calm down, Alexis. I knew you needed to sleep as long as possible so I've taken care of everything that I could think of to make things easier this morning. All you have to do is take a quick shower and dress. I'll have a cup of coffee waiting for you when you come out. Everything is going to be just fine, so calm down angel." 

Her fingers rose to press against her lips in an effort to contain her emotional gratitude. Stepping closer to her he placed his hands on either side of her face and placed a quick kiss on her cheek. Pulling back he winked at her. 

"No thanks, necessary. I'd do it for any bum I came across on the streets. Now go. I have a few more things to take care of." 

The smile she left him with paled the sunlight and he breathed deeply to settle the craving that gnawed at the pit of his stomach. 

Half and hour later she joined him on the sofa to wait. He was glad they had a few minutes to talk before the court representative arrived and Ned followed with Kristina. Turning a little to face her he lay his arm on the back of the sofa and began to explain to her what was actually going to take place in a few minutes. 

"While you were napping last night I placed a call to a couple of colleagues of mine at the hospital. They will both be arriving any minute now. However, only one of them will stay during the visit." 

"What are you telling me, Cameron? What have you done?" 

"Just leveled the playing field a little. You and I both know that Judge Farmer is in the Quartermaine's pocket. There is someone else who knows it as well." 

At that moment there came a knock at the door and Cameron lay a calming hand on Alexis' shoulder as the sound startled her enough to cause her to jump. Reaching up he caught her chin between his thumb and forefinger. 

"I'm asking you to trust me, Alexis. Trust that right now my goal is the same as yours… to bring Kristina home." 

"Alright, Cameron." 

"Good, now stay put and let me answer the door." 

She watched him walk to the door and just as he opened it she stood. It was the only thing she could do to calm the intense fear that was threatening to overtake her. She watched him step back and invite his colleagues in. The gentleman who entered her apartment was a total stranger to her, but she knew the woman. She was also very familiar with her son and Alexis froze. The woman approaching her held her hand out in greeting, but Alexis was so stunned that her usually impeccable manners abandoned her. She stood motionless staring… wondering… dreading… hoping… praying that Cameron knew what he was doing. 

"Good Morning, Alexis. I'm not sure if we've ever had an opportunity to be formally introduced, but if not my name is Gail Baldwin and I'm here to help you obtain custody of your daughter." 

"You… you're… how do you know? Your son will never allow…" 

"My son can be an arrogant pompous ass… and absolutely wrong on occasion." 

"I'm a little confused about what is going on here. My friend over there has not seen fit to enlighten me regarding his plans for this morning." 

"It's very simple, Alexis. I'll take over with the explanation, but first you and I need to find somewhere to wait until after your daughter arrives." 

"We can wait in my bedroom." 

She looked toward Cameron and found his steady eyes on her. He walked closer and placed his hands on her arms as she whispered. 

"Do you know what's going on inside me right now?" 

"Yes and I'm sorry I didn't prepare you more, but Gail will tell you what is going on and I think once you know everything all those little doubts and fears you have running rampant inside you will take a hike somewhere." 

"I honestly hope you're right, because right now if my daughter were in my arms sensing what is going on inside me right now, I'd have to make short work of you buddy." 

He laughed gently and leaned forward enough to place a kiss on her forehead. 

"Now go on. I don't want to take any chances on Ned seeing the two of you." 

Cameron watched the women leave the room and then offered his not so professional friend a seat on the sofa where they sat down to wait for Ned to show up with the prize. 

Arriving in the bedroom, Alexis found that Cameron had made her bed for her and she smiled before turning to offer Gail the only chair in the room. She took a deep breath and gave her full attention to the woman who was looking at her with compassion as she began to speak. 

"The gentleman I arrived with is not the court representative, I am. The only reason he is here is to make sure that Ned does not get suspicious about what is really going on today. Once Ned leaves he will leave as well and return just before Ned arrives back to pick up Kristina." 

"I have to admit… I'm a little anxious about all of this." 

"With good reason. So let's just get right down to business and ease your mind a bit. Cameron called me last night to ask me who would likely be called to appear here this morning if the Judge requesting the service were Judge Farmer. Given my past dealings with that particular Judge I shared a bit with Cameron and the more we talked the more I decided to step in and take the call myself. After the last run-in I had with her I petitioned the court to be put on the list of representatives used in cases such as this. The only time I step in is when Farmer looks like she's on the take again. So Lee and I went to the courthouse this morning and did a little switching around and here I am. You see there is a little nickname that our friend Farmer has acquired in the back rooms of the courthouse. She's known as the 'bartering' Judge… meaning she's up for sale to the highest bidder and sadly so is my son it seems. If Scott starts meddling, Lee will step in and deal with him. So… what we are going to do today is sit back and let a mother have some time with her daughter without the prying eyes of anyone who wishes to come between them. How does that sound?" 

"You're just going to leave me with my daughter… alone?" 

"I trust Cameron to know what is best for both mother and daughter given his personal interest in the case. I trust his opinion of you. And I also have a few things to discuss with him regarding your case. So he and I are going to sit in the dining room while you spend some quality time with your daughter." 

Alexis couldn't believe it… her heart was pounding… and her ears were ringing. 'My daughter… with me… just the two of us. Her head bent down to hide the tears of happiness and she felt Gail's hand fall on hers. 

"Alexis, I know all about your case. Everything. You've made mistakes… but you've never compromised your love for your daughter. Your only concern has been for her safety and you've done everything you can do to that end. There is nothing more you can do without jeopardizing your case. Your hands are tied; mine aren't. Let me do my job." 

"I… I don't know what to say." 

"For starters you can say good morning to your daughter." 

She turned instantly at the sound of his voice in the doorway and there she was. Her beautiful baby girl. Rising slowly she blinked a couple of times to make sure she was actually seeing her daughter in his arms. She took the few steps that brought her within reach and arms that were too often empty of life were suddenly filled and her heart began the age-old rhythm that only a mother is blessed with. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She breathed in the essence of her first born and her soul laid down its sword and rested.


	11. Chapter 11

****

Chapter 11

"Cameron?" 

"Hmmm?" 

They were sitting at the dining room table having a cup of coffee after seeing Gail out. Cameron couldn't get enough of just sitting there and taking in the sight of what pure joy looked like on the face of the woman who had rocked his world. Nothing he could have done for her the evening before could have taken the stress and worry from her face as completely as having a couple of uninterrupted hours with her daughter. Every want, every need, every desire he had ever possessed was now reaching out to her wanting to be fulfilled by her alone. He wanted desperately to pull her into his arms and never let go. But, looking at her sitting across from him, all he saw in her eyes was her daughter. So, he did what he could to put away the feelings that were becoming harder and harder to contain. She just wasn't ready to consider allowing anything else into her life until Kristina was home where she belonged. A thought passed through his mind causing him to frown. It felt as if he was beginning to miss what he could have with Alexis more than he missed his son and that thought caused more distress than any other at that moment. Closing his eyes a brief moment he prayed that he wouldn't fail his son again. 

"Cameron?" 

Her voice interrupted his thoughts and turned his gaze toward her reaching to capture her hand in his. 

"I'm sorry, what were you saying?" 

"Are you alright?" 

"I'm fine; just a few thoughts having their way with my head. What was it you were saying?" 

"I was asking you what comes next?" 

"We wait." 

"For what?" 

"For Gail to file her report with both Ryan and Farmer. Farmer sees who filed the report and excuses herself from the case, because the last thing she wants is to be impeached. And she knows if she engages in any funny business, Gail will file charges against her. It all has to do with some messy little custody case that Gail was involved in a few years ago. She nailed Farmer. Caught her dead to rights and told her if they crossed paths again, she wouldn't hesitate to do whatever was necessary to relieve her of her seat. I like Gail Baldwin. The woman has a lot of integrity." 

"Gail said she knew everything about my case. Just how much does she know, Cameron?" 

"Like she said, everything." 

"Even…" 

"Even Alcazar. It seems that your reputation is not as jaded as you might think. Gail has always respected you and when I was explaining things to her last night she backed me into a corner and told me that if I didn't level with her then I could find myself another patsy. Before I even had the chance to explain what really happened she said and I quote, "It was self-defense, wasn't it?" 

"She said that?" 

"Yep. Know what else she said when we left you two alone in your room?" 

"What?" 

"She said she had never seen that much love in a mother eyes before." 

"I think I'm rather fond of Gail Baldwin myself." 

"I thought you might be." 

He watched her rise from her seat and move to stand beside him. He shifted slightly to turn toward her. Before his mind could grasp her intention he watched as if in slow motion her lean toward him and lay her lips tenderly against his. Question asked and answered. No coffee, no residual mouthwash, just the sweet natural pureness of her… pulling his soul from him then dropping it like an anvil when she pulled away leaving him suspended in time with just the lingering taste of her to haunt him. 

"I think I'm rather fond of you too, Cameron Lewis. Thank you… for last night, this morning… for everything. Now you have to go. There are a few things I need to take care of without your prying eyes." 

He swallowed with difficulty and reigned in the passion that was quickly morphing out of control and stood up... painfully. 

"You… ahem… you're throwing me out?" 

"Yes, I am. But, you're more than welcome to come back later and have dinner with me if you like." 

"I like. What time?" 

"How about coming by about 7?" 

"Fine. Oh wait a minute… I forgot something." 

Cameron took hold of her with both hands and peered into her eyes sternly. 

"No more 'Dobson', Alexis. You cannot go back to the Quartermaine's except for your regular scheduled appointments. You do understand that, don't you?" 

"Cameron, I have to…" 

"Alexis… I'm asking you not to do anything that will cause us to lose your daughter. Let Gail do what she needs to do without you getting in her way. If you want your daughter, you have to play this Gail's way. We are so close to getting her back, please don't do anything to jeopardize all of our efforts." 

"You really believe that Gail is going to be able to get my daughter back?" 

"In record time." 

"If I don't show up there in the morning, I can't ever show up as 'Dobson' again. You know what that means." 

"Yes, I do. I know what it means to you and I know what it means to Kristina. I know what I'm asking of you. Burn the English duds, Alexis. You don't need them anymore." 

"You can't imagine what you asking me to do." 

Her head dropped to rest on his chest and her hand came up to take hold of his shoulder. Cameron knew she was simply hanging on in an effort to steady herself. And he knew exactly what he was asking her to do and if she could do it… if she could let go he would be so much closer to having his own dreams fulfilled. 

"Yes I can, Alexis. I'm asking you to relinquish control of your life to Gail and I until this mess is resolved." 

"Cameron… I… I can't do that. I wouldn't know how even if I wanted to. What you're asking me to do is…" 

Gently pushing her away from him he guided her back to her chair then knelt in front of her taking both of her hands in his. 

"I'm asking you to trust me… I'm asking you to take a chance on me… For once in my life let me be the man I was always supposed to be. I'm asking you to let me take responsibility for bringing a family together; one that never should have been torn apart in the first place. Alexis, let me do for you what I couldn't do for myself." 

He fought with everything in him to still the rising emotion… the tears that had remained dormant for so long. Tears that testified to how much he loved his sons… how much he missed them… how much he failed them. He suddenly found himself within the circle of her arms and the ache he felt inside for lost dreams… lost chances… lost love raged against the walls of his soul. He felt her begin to rock him softly back and forth as she had done with her child so many times before. His arms found their way around her waist and he relaxed into the care of this woman who understood what he felt… she understood his loss. And she cared.


	12. Chapter 12

****

Chapter 12

As soon as Cameron left, Alexis went to the phone and made a quick call then went to the sofa to sit down and wait. What she was about to do was stirring up an ocean of trepidation, but she was not about to back down. It had to be done. Too many lives were at stake. Thirty minutes later, she heard his knock and took a deep breath. 'Well, here we go. You can do this, Alexis. Just remember why you're doing it and you'll do fine. Hell what am I saying, I should be shot in the head for even considering it.' Opening the door she smiled at the familiar handsome face greeting her. 

"Hey, Alexis. What's up?" 

"Hi, Zander. Come on in and make yourself comfortable. Would you like something to drink… or anything to…?" 

"If you're going to ask me if I want something to eat… I'll just say 'No Thanks" and wait for you to tell me what's going on." 

"Why should there be anything going on?" 

"Oh I don't know. I get a mysterious call telling me that you have to see me, I walk in and you act like nothing's up; you tell me to make myself comfortable and then offer to feed me. It's a gamble every time you ask me if I want something to eat. I have to ask myself if I've done anything to make you mad at me or do you just want a favor. And by that look you're giving me… I'd say you want something this time." 

"Ok, Ok. I admit it. There is something on my mind that I would like to discuss with you. Just sit down and stop with the wisecracks. This may take a while." 

"You sound… different." 

"And that's one of the reasons you're here. It doesn't take a genius to know when something is bothering me, just someone who cares about me." 

She waited for him to sit down then took a place beside him looking at him intently. 

"You and I, we've been through a lot together, haven't we?" 

"Yeah, I could do with forgetting a bunch of it though." 

"So could I. But, that's not reality and you and I live with reality. We don't run from it… we fight our way through it. For someone as young as you are, you've managed to become quite good at fighting your way through the trouble you've been forced to endure, as well as the trouble you've caused yourself." 

"You going to lecture me about my dad, Alexis?" 

"No, I'm not going to lecture you about anything. Right now, this is about you and I and the fact that we will do just about anything for the people we love. I remember what you put us through when you and Emily were trying to be together during the Sorel mess. And you saw what lengths I would go through to defend someone I cared about..." 

"Where're you going with this, Alexis?" 

"…so you would agree that we don't give up easily on the things that mean the most to us, right?" 

"Yeah… so." 

"Alright then. It's time I told you a few truths, but I have to have your word that nothing you hear from now until we finish here ever leaves this room." 

"Okay." 

"No, Zander. I need a little more than just an okay from you. This is my life we're talking about. I need you to understand that what you are going to hear, if you repeat any of it either accidentally or by any other means, you will cost me everything and everyone that I have ever loved." 

"You have my word, Alexis. Nothing leaves here. But, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, you and I both get that once words are out there we set ourselves up for a fall whether we intend to or not." 

"I don't really have a choice this time. I need your help." 

"You got it. Just tell me what you want me to do." 

"I want you to listen for a while without interrupting. This is going to be hard enough without having to start and stop to answer questions. But, I want you to understand that telling you the truth, putting the words out there as you said, is worth it to me if I can help someone else that I care a great deal about." 

"Okay then. My trap is shut." 

"I think you know how much my sister's death affected me. And to find out that her death was just a senseless sacrifice on the altar of someone's insane vendetta… Then to have that person show up at the hospital where my daughter lay fighting for her life…" 

Zander reached and took hold of Alexis' hand, but remained silent. He could see she was having trouble. He figured she was reliving the whole thing and he was worried about her mental state. 

"I went to his hotel room to talk to him. To try and make him understand that if he valued his life, he needed to leave town. I did not go there to kill Alcazar. He came at me and well… short version… we struggled a bit and he fell. He was not murdered… it was self defense." 

"Wait a minute. I thought the other personality…" 

She took a deep breath to prepare herself to say the words. 

"There was never another personality, Zander. I faked the alternate in order to keep from being sent to prison on a charge of 1st degree murder. No one would have believed it was self defense, so I did what I had to in order to survive the ordeal and keep my daughter." 

"That was all a fake? You're kidding me?" 

"No, I'm not kidding." 

"Even that scene in the courthouse when you went after Baldwin…" 

"Yes." 

"Damn. That's impressive." 

"Zander, I'm not proud of the spectacle I made of myself. I did what I thought I had to in order to keep my daughter. But I lost her anyway. And you can't imagine the lengths I have gone to just to see her." 

"How did you… wait a minute..." 

"Hold on, Zander. Let me finish this. Up until this morning there was only one person who knew everything from the beginning. There was only one person who believed in me enough to stand by me and help me survive the whole mess." 

"My dad… WAIT… HE knew all this when we were in the courtroom… when you cut his hand." 

His shock was taking over his 'cool, don't care attitude' and Alexis needed to reign him in before things got out of hand. His reactions were bringing the insanity of the whole situation a little to close to home. 

"Yes, your dad has put his life on the line for me in more ways than you can imagine." 

"Well, I'm glad he stuck it out for somebody." 

"He did more than that, Zander. If anything happens and I'm found out… he goes to jail right along with me. But, he's trying to start over, but it's hard for him because he doesn't have a lot of support. Sweetheart, he knows he failed you. He knows he failed your brother. It's tearing him up inside. I know what happened now and I know you have every right to feel the way you do about your father. But, I'm asking you to give him a chance to make right what he did wrong. Just listen to him, Zander. That's all I'm asking." 

"Alexis, he didn't even try to find me. It wouldn't have taken much, but he didn't care enough to try and find me." 

The anguish in his voice was only matched by the bitterness. There was a war raging in Zander and Alexis saw it all in his eyes. He wanted his dad to be the dad he needed, but the past was still too raw. 

"I know. He pointed that fact out to me last night when he asked for my help." 

"He asked…" 

"Yes, he did. Zander, your father needs you. He wants to be a part of your life and he knows that it won't happen unless you give him the chance to apologize for not being what you needed him to be." 

"I can't. Don't you see, if I let him get to me… if he takes off again…" 

"He won't, Zander. He has learned a lot over the last few years, but what has stayed with him… tore at him… is that he has a son that he abandoned to face a world he wasn't prepared for. Please just sit down and talk to him. There are things he has to say that I think you would find interesting." 

"I don't want to do this, Alexis." 

"I know you don't, but I think you won't regret it if you do. But it's up to you, Zander. You've lost so much… suffered so much because of it all. Whatever you decide to do I'll support you." 

"You always have, whether I wanted you to or not." 

"I love you, Zander. You are a very important part of my life and I wouldn't ask you to do anything that I thought would hurt you." 

"You weren't there… you didn't see what…" 

He wasn't through fighting yet... he wasn't ready to let go of the anger. 

"No I wasn't there, Zander and it would be outrageous of me to say I understand if I didn't have similar experiences in my own past. But, I do understand… more than you could ever know. And I am infinitely aware of what I'm asking of you… It will take every ounce of strength you have to sit down with your father and talk things through. It will take patience and courage. All of which you have inside of you… I know you do because I've seen you stumble and fall so many times; but you've always gotten back up. Zander, where our parents are concerned, all you and I have ever wanted is to know they loved us… mine are gone now. Don't lose this chance, Zander. Fight for what you want… for what you lost. I can assure you, your father is willing to fight for you." 

"I'm afraid to trust him, Alexis." 

"Then don't. Let him prove himself first. You didn't ask him to throw it all away. You didn't tell him to walk out on you. He was the adult… he had a responsibility to take care of his family… he screwed up. I think he would question your sanity if you were to throw your arms open to him at this point." 

He grinned wryly at her attempt to joke with him. 

"You seem pretty sure of him." 

"Sure enough to put my daughter's future in his hands." 

He stood up thrusting his hands into his pockets and stared at her for a moment before answering. 

"Can I think about it a while?" 

"Absolutely. Just call me when you decide what you want to do. And remember sweetheart, I will support any decision you make." 

"Thanks, Alexis and don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. I won't let you down." 

Standing up beside him she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight trying desperately to swallow the lump in her throat. He was such a special boy to her. Why he had been able to wrap his hands so firmly around her heart, she had no clue. But it felt right. It felt good. Leaning her head toward his ear she hugged him tighter and whispered… 

"You never have, Zander. You never have."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13  
  
"You look like a man who has a lot on his mind. Anything I can do to help?"  
  
Cameron was standing beside the fireplace staring down into it as though there were actual flames kissing the logs that lay uniformly on the grate. His thoughts were on the meal they just concluded and the uneasy feeling it left him with. He couldn't shake the feeling that Alexis' endless chattering was her way of keeping him from getting close or maybe she was just trying to distance herself from the attention he showered on her the night before. Whatever it was, there was just too much on the line now for him to let it go. His heart was in her hands and it was in danger of starving. He needed to know how she felt about him.  
  
"Cameron? Hey what's got you so melancholy this evening?"  
  
Turning from the fireplace he gazed at Alexis nestled into the corner of the sofa with her feet tucked under her. Such beauty and grace... He shook his head marveling at the inadequacy of such words... words when used to describe every day folk could hold immeasurable power to lift the spirits of disheartened souls... but to use them for this woman... their power greatly diminished in the presence of the woman before him. In her they could not be used to describe, they were words that spoke of who she was rather than what she was like.  
  
"I was just thinking about the words to this lyric I heard a long time ago. It reminds me of you."  
  
"Me?'  
  
Leaving his place beside the imaginary fire he created in his mind he sat down on the floor next to the sofa close enough to touch her.  
  
"Yes, you. I've tried so many times to find some measure of hope in the midst of the lyric, but I keep coming up with a sense of futility."  
  
"And it reminds you of me? Cameron, that's not very flattering."  
  
"Yeah well, you enjoyed enough flattery last night wouldn't you say?"  
  
He watched the blush steal across her cheeks and moving restlessly she began to move her feet out from under her and had to stop when she realized his closeness was preventing her from moving her feet to the floor. He reached out and taking hold of the back of her ankles pulled gently until her feet were free. Her quiet, 'Thank you', reminded him of a butterfly floating through the air.  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
They sat quiet for a few moments... each in their own little world... tossing possibilities and probabilities around like a volleyball. Both afraid of the outcome should the ball stop moving at any time. She spoke first.  
  
"Will you recite it for me?"  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
A fleeting whisper..."No."  
  
"Then why?"  
  
Looking into her eyes, watching her apprehension grow and agitated fingers search to find silver rings... twisting nervously... back and forth... round and round. Then stopping just long enough for one word to be heard above the frantic beat of a heart on the edge.  
  
"Curiosity."  
  
"That one gets hold of me quite often when I look at you. But, since you asked so nicely..."  
  
He dropped his head a bit and focused his gaze on her hands then began to recite a lyric that spoke the cares of his own heart... more in that moment than ever before.  
  
"Don't go... it's hours 'til dawn  
and there's no one who'd rather be with you  
I know, you know other guys like me  
I let you take my love knowing you don't love me  
The dark is getting light and you're dressed to go  
And never said a word about tomorrow  
But, if I could reach you someway  
If I knew the magic it would take  
To love you good enough on the outside  
To make you feel it on the inside  
Maybe I could make you stay  
If I could reach you  
If I could reach you  
See you next time."  
  
Her quiet words stirred the pool of longing in the pit of his stomach.  
  
"She left him anyway... even knowing he... what he felt for her."  
  
"Yes. With everything he did to prove his love for her... she left him anyway. Every time those lyrics play tag in my head I catch myself wondering if there were anything he could have done to let her know just how much he wanted her to stay with him... how much he needed her to stay with him."  
  
She moved abruptly beside him and he suddenly felt chilled by the emptiness of the sofa beside him. He raised his voice slightly...  
  
"Alexis, tell me what I can say to reach you."  
  
His eyes found her standing at the fireplace... her hands gripping the mantle as her forehead lay against them... her muffled words driving a stake into his heart.  
  
"You can't, Cameron. I can't let you... don't you see what a mistake it would be?"  
  
"It's Kristina, isn't it? You have nothing left outside your love for your daughter."  
  
"I have nothing left except my daughter."  
  
Rising slowly he moved to stand beside her and gently turned her to face him. She refused to raise her eyes to meet his.  
  
"That's not true, Alexis."  
  
She pulled away from him violently and strode purposefully to her desk. She yanked open the bottom draw and pulled a thick overflowing file from its depths then returned to stand in front of him. The waves of anger emanating from her forced him back a step as she reached behind him to pull her sister's picture from the mantle. Slamming it on top of the file she thrust it all at him and screamed with more fear than he thought her possible of holding inside.  
  
"They're dead... all of them. Don't you understand? Leave me alone, Cameron. Just leave me the hell alone. I've got enough on my hands just trying to bring my daughter home and hopefully keep her safe after I get her here."  
  
With that she turned on her heel and left the room leaving him to stare after her in shock. Her abrupt fall into dark anger happened so fast it left him reeling. Slowly letting his eyes fall to the items in his hand he returned the picture to the mantel then sat down on the sofa and opened the file. Clipping followed clipping, picture after picture... it was all there. Her mother, her father, a brother's manipulation of death for personal gain, a dried rose in honor of a friend, a sister lost and found then lost again... a child taken. And a loss so deep and overwhelming it could not bear to be found among the remnants of lives loved and lost. A loss so great he could only imagine the grief left in its wake... A lover whose memory held nothing but heartbreak... a loss that she carried alone... it's pain so deep... no paper, no picture, no words could ease it.  
  
Cameron sat there with the evidence of what love had cost her and thought of the many ways she had fought for her daughter. She fought to hang on to the only remaining love she could call her own... in her eyes it must seem to be her last chance. He replaced the file in the drawer she pulled it from... back to its hiding place... back to the darkness of loss that forever tugged at her heart. He ran his hands over his face in an effort to remove the anguish he felt on her behalf then turned to follow her.  
  
He found her lying across her bed clutching her pillow to her heart. Her stillness a testament to the iron will that refused to give in to the heartache that was so much a part of her every waking moment. He lay down beside her and gently pulled her back to him resting his cheek against the side of her face, his arms wrapped around her tightly praying she wouldn't push him away.  
  
"I'm sorry, Alexis. I'm sorry for all that you've lost. But, most of all I'm sorry there was no one to help you carry the load." 


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14  
  
"Why did you kiss me that first time..."  
  
He often wondered which one of them would bring that particular event into conversation. At times he thought they would integrate it into one of their many verbal debates, then at other times he thought maybe it was best to leave it alone. But, to have Alexis bring it up during the middle of a personal crisis... She was either searching for something to hang on to or looking for something to validate her already traumatized beliefs regarding love and friendship. It was a throw of the dice as to how she would react to his truth.  
  
"Because I wanted you to see me as a man and not just as someone who could do things for you. And to be quite honest about it... Ned was getting just a little too close to you for my liking."  
  
She struggled to free herself from his hold and when he tightened his arms around her she fell back against him and released an agonizing groan of frustration.  
  
"You have to stop, Cameron. I can't let you do this to me. I can't take any more. I'm running on empty now."  
  
"I can help you, Alexis."  
  
"No you can't. You don't understand, Cameron. It's not just being afraid of losing you. It's so much more than that."  
  
"This is about Kristina's father, isn't it?"  
  
Her whole body stiffened against him and she pleaded with him in a voice full of agony.  
  
"Please don't, Cameron."  
  
He whispered into her ear... "Tell me about him Alexis. Tell me what happened. If not to help me understand, then to help you get past it."  
  
With a stronger forced bravado... "I am past it. It's over and done with."  
  
"No angel, it's not. Every time you look at me you see him... or rather the possibility of being hurt again just as he hurt you if you let yourself feel anything for me or anyone else for that matter."  
  
"That's not true."  
  
"Look at me, Alexis and tell me I'm not speaking the truth."  
  
She turned her head defiantly and looked into his eyes. Her face was unreadable until the moment she turned away when he saw the tears gather in her eyes and a choked reply...  
  
"It's not true."  
  
"And those aren't tears falling down your face either, right?"  
  
"Please Cameron. Please leave it alone", she pleaded with him.  
  
"Don't you see I can't, Alexis? Even if I didn't care so much about you, I couldn't let you continue to suffer day after day without trying to do something to help. But, I do care and it makes it that much harder to watch you desperately fight for a life you can be happy with... a life you deserve... a life you've earned a thousand times over, angel."  
  
During the back and forth of their conversation, Alexis had unconsciously crossed her arms to cover his that still held her captive. Unaware of her actions she gripped his arms tighter and pulled him closer losing herself within the comfort of his arms. She was trembling and he could feel the chill of her skin through her blouse. He was familiar with this particular chill. He knew its clammy hold, it's ability to wrap its icy fingers around your heart and squeeze until you couldn't breath. It was the chill of fear.  
  
"Let me tell you what I think happened and you can tell me if I'm wrong or not. That way it will be me saying the words instead of you. Deal?"  
  
Silence met his ears, so he continued as though she agreed.  
  
"I would imagine that you never intended to fall in love with him. Given your reluctance to allow anyone to get too close, it would follow that you would fight against any kind of an intimate relationship. I figure you probably didn't care a lot for him in the beginning. But, time took care of that. Maybe you worked together or something. You probably became friends first. One thing led to another and you found yourself falling for him. But, that wasn't something you were comfortable with so you fought it as hard as you possibly could. One night you lost the fight and Kristina was conceived. You tell him you're pregnant and he takes a walk."  
  
"He doesn't know."  
  
Words so soft he almost missed them. But, the soft sobs coming from her were hard to miss. Untangling one of his arms he reached up and gently brushed the hair away from her face and began to softly run his fingers through it comfortingly. She shifted slightly and turned just enough to be able to lean comfortably against him and if need be, he figured, to peek at him from the corner of her eyes to judge his response to what she was revealing of herself. Taking his hand away from her he reached toward the headboard to grab a pillow to prop his head on as he prepared to hear a story he imagined no one had ever been privileged to hear her tell before.  
  
"A lot of what you said is true. I never intended to fall in love with him. He was a client in the beginning. But, there was so much that we had in common. We shared a lot of similar experiences. I found myself really caring about him. And the more we were together, the closer we became. We were friends... the best of friends. He knows me probably better than I know myself. We shared so much with each other... I felt safe with him. But, I let my heart get in the way and I fell in love with him. Things happened. His wife came back... or ex-wife. It was hard to keep up with them. He went back to her and I tried to hang on to the relationship, but then I found out I was pregnant. I tried to tell him about Kristina a couple of times, but in the end... if he knew she was his... I made the decision to hide my daughter's paternity from her father. If he were to know... he would take her away from me."  
  
"Condensed version?"  
  
"Very condensed."  
  
He put his lips close to her ear.  
  
"He can't take Kristina away from you, Alexis."  
  
"You don't know him, Cameron. I would lose my daughter if he knew she was his."  
  
"I know who he is, Alexis."  
  
She froze in his arms and her eyes rose to meet his and his heart broke at the fear and distress that caused her beautiful face to contort into a mask of embarrassment at being linked romantically with such a man... no matter what she felt for him.  
  
"It doesn't take a genius to figure it out, Alexis. And besides, there is a pretty powerful grapevine down at GH. It was Sonny Corinthos, wasn't it?"  
  
She turned away from him and buried her face in the comforter they were laying on and once again let go of a mountain of sorrow caused by all the losses she had suffered throughout her lifetime. She cried for 'him'... a friend turned lover... lost... and for a daughter who would grow up without him. She cried for her beautiful mother and the father she couldn't remember. She cried for Chloe and Kristina. She cried for Jax and sadly... for Ned. But, most of all she cried for broken dreams and wishes made upon eyelashes held between the fingers of trust sadly broken... for the life ahead of her still waiting to bring her to her knees. She cried for the man who held her... wanting nothing more than to be able to accept what he offered. Wanting to be loved... needing to love.  
  
Cameron lay beside her, gently rubbing his hand up and down her back while she cried... he lay there for an hour waiting for the storm to subside in the heart of the woman who held him in the palm of her hand. When her sobs quieted and her body finally lay still, he reached to pull her closer to him and found that exhaustion, born of torment, had finally claimed his angel. Carefully pulling her back to his chest he lay his head against hers and allowed himself to follow her into sleep. They were not through with this conversation by any means, but she needed to rest. She needed time to recover and put on her 'total control and able to fight the world' facade. He would not take that safety net from her. She needed it to survive the battle and he would help her maintain it until the battle was won. Then... then maybe she would look at him... and maybe... just maybe.  
  
As sleep marked its claim on him he felt her small delicate hand search for him and curl snuggly into his palm. The sigh of relief she breathed clutched at his heart and warmed a body that was infused with his own cold fear at the possibility of losing her. Leaning closer, his lips sought her and found a place to rest just above her ear. Lingering a moment to let her scent fill his mind and heart he then leaned back and whispered for her ears only...  
  
"You have my heart, angel. Be kind with it." 


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15  
  
The low ring of the phone jarred him from sleep and it took a moment to realize where he was. He couldn't move his arms or legs and looked down to see what held him immobile. At some point while they slept Alexis had turned toward him and lay her head on his chest. One arm lay over him trapping his arm underneath hers and one long slender leg found its way across his thigh. No matter how much it thrilled him to know that in sleep she could allow herself to reach out to him; if she woke to find herself wrapped around him in such a manner it would cause her immense embarrassment and more distress. So as quickly and gently as he could he moved his leg out from under hers and using his knee pushed her leg into what he hoped she would consider her own personal space. He then moved her arm from around him and tucked it close to her chest then laid his arm across her. His intent, if she woke and became offended at their closeness, was to steer the blame in his direction. As the phone rang a fourth time he felt her begin to stir and closed his eyes. If she thought him asleep, it would give her enough time to assess her situation and handle it as discreetly as she wished.  
  
It took half a moment for her to begin to extricate herself from within his arms and the hitch in her breathing confirmed his concerns. Just as he felt her completely leave his touch, he heard her pick up the phone.  
  
"Hello."  
  
Such a seductive voice... how could any man resist the sound of her voice.  
  
"Hi, Zander."  
  
His insides jumped as she greeted his son. Looking toward her, she sat on the side of the bed with her back to him. He waited... and listened.  
  
"Are you sure, Zander? Are you really sure you want to do this?"  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Well... that's... that's because he's here."  
  
He could hear the blush in her voice at having to admit his whereabouts to his son. A concerned frown settled on his face. So, his son was looking for him and unable to find him called Alexis. Her words to his son drew his attention again.  
  
"You know I don't mind, Zander and no, it's not a problem. Whatever you want, I'll do what I can to help."  
  
"When?"  
  
"No, that's fine with me. So I'll see you when you get here and remember sweetheart, I love you and I only want you to be happy."  
  
He heard her lay down the phone and felt her shift to look at him. He couldn't open his eyes... not yet. Soft as a feather he felt her touch wipe away the trail of an undisciplined tear that slid from the corner of his eye.  
  
"You're so easy with him. No wonder the boy loves you so much."  
  
"He's not a boy anymore, Cameron. He's a man. He just proved it."  
  
He looked up with questioning eyes to find her.  
  
"He's on his way here... to talk to you."  
  
He sat up quickly and stared at her in amazement.  
  
"When did you...?"  
  
"After you left this afternoon, I called him."  
  
"That was why you asked me to leave; so you could call my son. How did you get him to even consider...?"  
  
"I made him an offer he couldn't refuse."  
  
Something darted across her face as she answered him. It was there and gone before he could recognize what it was leaving her face void of any expression that would give her away. Taking a moment to study the situation and what he knew of both his son and Alexis, it suddenly dawned on him. He stood up moved a step away from the bed and turned back to face her, dazed by what she did for him.  
  
"You put yourself on the line for me, didn't you? You gave away your secrets to my son to get him to at least give me a chance..."  
  
She stood up quickly and turned away from him. It was her way. He wasn't allowed to see what her decision to reveal herself cost her, but he knew. She didn't fool him a bit. He knew from the set of her shoulders... the arms crossed tightly in front of her; fingers gripping the seams of her blouse as if to hold herself together... but so much more in an effort to hold him at bay. She was in effect telling him that he did not have the right to challenge her decisions regarding her life or who she chose to risk it for. Her words proved him correct.  
  
"I did what I had to do to get you two in the same room together for a while and if you blow this chance Cameron Lewis, you will not only blow your chance with your son but you might well end up damaging my relationship with him."  
  
She turned back around to face him with the face of a mother fighting for her young... for his son.  
  
"And I promise you... if you hurt him again... you and I are finished. I'll make you rue the day you ever stepped foot in Port Charles again."  
  
He sat down heavily on the side of her bed and dropped his head into his hands. He asked for help and it came before he was given time to prepare. The son he loved... his only remaining son was on his way to face him and Alexis would be there on the sidelines... cheering more for his son than for him. The irony of it hit him full force until a thought began to take root in the back of his mind. Here? He's coming here? He raised his head and looked over his shoulder at her.  
  
"Why here?"  
  
"It's... neutral ground."  
  
Her voice caught a bit and the slight shuffling of her feet told him more than he wanted to know.  
  
"It's okay, Alexis. My son chose his friends well. You don't have to say it. Your apartment is far from being neutral territory, but if it's support my son needs in order to do this, then I'm glad it's you he turned to. I'm glad he has someone on his side... someone he trusts and can depend on."  
  
He turned back around and stared at the wall wondering how he would get through it all without her support... without her to turn to if he got in trouble. The mattress sank slightly as he felt her sit down beside him. Eyes that needed to look at her... to see her face remained fixed on the wall in front of him. 'I deserve this. I have to stand before my son and take responsibility for my actions. I can't expect her to stand with me when my son needs her so much.' A warm comforting arm found its way around his waist and his head fell forward from the relief that flooded him at her touch. He could feel her eyes on him pleading with him to look at her. A plea he could not refuse. He looked... and she saw. Once again he was guilty of being jealous of his son and the bile in his stomach rose.  
  
"I love my son... but I'm in love with the woman he seems to enjoy regarding as a maternal figure in his life."  
  
Her quiet words took him by surprise.  
  
"You would not be jealous of your son if you were assured of having your love returned. If you had been assured of your son Peter's love, you would not have been jealous of Zander then either. You are in need of love just as much as your son is. If you two can come together and find the love you've been missing for so long it will go a long way in healing a lot of the hurts you've both endured over the years."  
  
It did not escape him that she left herself completely out of the equation; that she again ignored his profession of love. But, her words held so much truth that he needed time to absorb them. Gazing into her eyes he wondered how a woman who spent the bulk of her life fighting for something that still remained so elusive to her could have such a grasp on the intricacies of it.  
  
"You have a point. I could not look at either one of my sons and see anything but fear and disappointment in their eyes. They looked at me as though I were a stranger. Pete always had fear in his eyes. He was always so afraid of not being everything I wanted him to be... or his mother, his teachers, his priest... his brother. Alexander looked at me with anger and disgust. And there were times when they both looked at me and all I saw was what they wanted me to be; what they wished I were. But, there was always something else to do, something else for them to do to prepare for the future I mapped out for them... always something else that would feed my ego."  
  
"And where is that ego now, Cameron?"  
  
"Oh it's still there. But every morning when I wake up and remember what it cost me... when I remember my oldest son took his own life to get away from me and my youngest son decided that he preferred taking his chances out in the world alone rather than be anywhere near me. Facts like those can pretty much send any man's ego into hiding."  
  
"So why don't we just sit right down here in the middle of the floor and throw ourselves a pity party. We have all the ingredients... and it is something that we can do together and maybe share a few laughs at our own expense. What do you say?"  
  
His head whipped around to stare at her and sure enough... not only had her voice been laced with sarcasm but her eyes bore the same. He reached over and gently patted her knee twice as he chuckled knowing she was right. He stood up pulling her with him and pointed her toward the door. With his hands on her shoulders he led her out of the room and back toward the living room. It was time for him to prepare to meet his son.  
  
"If you don't mind, I'd like to make a cup of coffee before Alexander arrives. It has the makings of becoming a very long evening. You know, you might regret setting yourself up like this."  
  
She glanced back at him with a smile of confidence on her face.  
  
"I'm not worried. I have a lot of faith in both the father as well as the son. They won't let me down... neither one of them. The son is not the only one who knows how to pick his friends."  
  
Friend. Such a beautiful word... a word that possessed infinite possibilities between two people. A word filled with warmth and love, of care and concern. It meant having someone to share with... to confide in... to be silly with and to whisper your most intimate secrets to. It was a word that described what you felt hearing his or her voice on the phone when you thought there was no one in the world who could understand how much you were hurting. It was standing beside them in support as they defended their beliefs... or standing in front of them to protect them when they couldn't protect themselves from the betrayals of life.  
  
It was the sound of their knock on your door when you were at your lowest and just needed someone to care. It was sharing a private joke in the middle of a crowd and laughing because no one else was important enough to share it with. It was getting in your car at 3 in the morning to go sit with them because something in their voice didn't sound right. It was stuffed animals, silly nicknames and sitting on the porch being quiet enjoying the simple pleasures of companionship. It was laughter and tears... It was holding their hand in death... and in life. Friend. More than a word... a blessing... a gift... a treasure.  
  
He leaned against the kitchen counter with his cup of coffee in hand and nodded his head absently. She was his friend and he was hers. They shared all of the classic rituals of friendship. But there was so much more that he wanted from Alexis. He wanted passion and desire. He wanted to give her the one thing she craved most. He wanted to love her as no one else ever had. He wanted to be able to reach for her in the night to find her reaching for him. He wanted her. 'Want'... a small unassuming word, overlooked more often than not. It's relatives... need, crave, desire and covet. Small words until they're gone and you're faced with what's left without them. Alone... Isolated... Lost... Empty...  
  
Empty. Life without Alexis would be empty. And love... without Alexis... was just another four-letter word. 


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16  
  
Hearing Alexis open the door to welcome his son, Cameron walked to the doorway of the kitchen and discreetly watched how they interacted with each other. Her warm loving smile lit his son's face as he walked into her open arms without hesitation. She held his son close with one arm and comforted him with the other as she ran her hand up and down his back. Watching Zander stand so comfortably within her arms only served to increase his sense of incompetence as a father. Their words to each other forced his head to drop in regret.  
  
"Hey, Zander."  
  
"Hey, Alexis. You sure this is okay with you?"  
  
"It's fine, Zander. You know I would do anything I could to help you through all of this."  
  
"I know. You've always been there for me. And don't think I don't appreciate it. I do."  
  
"I know, sweetheart. We loners have to stick together, don't we?"  
  
As his son stepped back out of her arms he watched the boy's facial expression change from adoration to bitterness. The boy's question proved his inability to hide a lifetime of hurt.  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
"He's in the kitchen getting a cup of coffee."  
  
"Does he know..."  
  
"Yes, I told him you were on your way and if it's possible, I think he's more afraid to face you than you are to face him."  
  
"I'm not afraid of him, Alexis."  
  
Her face held an abundance of gentle acceptance and understanding as she gazed into the face of his troubled boy. He watched fascinated as she reached up and brushed his hair back from his face and then took his face between her hands.  
  
"Aren't you?" Aren't you afraid that after all is said and done, you might be left alone again... or perhaps in worse shape than you were before he came to Port Charles?"  
  
"It won't end up the way it did last time. There's one big difference this time, Alexis."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"I have a home here. You and Em made it home a long time ago and you wouldn't leave me alone to face everything by myself like he did. I'm not saying I'd ask for help, but I know it would be there if I wanted it."  
  
Cameron watched her draw his son into her arms again and he barely heard her whisper.  
  
"You're right, sweetheart. You will never have to face anything alone again if I can help it."  
  
His heart was on the verge of exploding with what he felt for the woman his son hung on to as though she were his mother. She was home to his boy now and as much as he wished himself to be what his son needed, he felt the rightness of Alexis' place in Zander's life. Her promise to his son was more than he could take. Feeling the familiar burn behind his eyes he knew if he retained any hope of getting through the evening with his son, he needed to break up the scene he was witnessing between the two most important people in his life. The only two he wanted and ironically they both were more interested in pushing him away than allowing him entrance into their realm of existence. Taking a deep breath he left the comfort of the doorway and walked into the room clearing his throat to announce his intrusion into their private moment.  
  
"Hello, Alexander."  
  
"Dad."  
  
*************** Alexis watched the two men greet each other and her heart cried for both of them. For the father, understanding what it meant to lose a child and to want nothing more than to hold that child in your arms. And for the son, understanding the devastation of losing a parent and a sibling.  
  
Turning toward Cameron she reached for Zander's hand and squeezed it reassuringly.  
  
"I'll be in the other room. Make yourself at home and take all the time you need... and guys, try to be kind to one another. It's called give and take..."  
  
She caught Cameron's eye and finished her thought.  
  
"... and honesty goes a long way in healing wrongs done and hurts inflicted."  
  
With that she leaned toward Zander and placed her cheek against his once more then moved toward the doorway leading to her bedroom. As she drew close to Cameron she reached up and laid her hand on his heart for a moment then left them alone... together and yet... alone.  
  
Her palm lying so warm against his heart steadied him and as he watched her leave the room he drew a deep breath and turned back to his son.  
  
"Come on in, son."  
  
"I hate it when you call me that."  
  
Cameron let a moment pass before answering his son's first attack.  
  
"Haven't really earned the right to call you that, have I Alexander?"  
  
"I'm surprised you recognized it."  
  
Cameron sat down at the farthest end of the sofa next to the fireplace in order for his son to have free reign of the rest of the place. He didn't want Zander to get the feeling of being trapped in any way.  
  
"I've been forced to face a lot in the past 5 years. It hasn't been easy."  
  
He felt the force of his son's bitter laughter slice into the pit of his stomach like a well honed steel blade and his measured words twisted the knife unmercifully.  
  
"What, all your buddies down at the hospital walk out on you like you walked out on me?"  
  
Looking at his son standing in the same spot as when he entered, Cameron noticed his hands curled into fists so tight the whitened knuckles stood out dramatically against the black of his jeans. He needed to do something to help the boy ease some of his pain... some of the anger against his father. Cameron stood back up and moved to stand in front of Zander. His son's words stopped him cold.  
  
"Do you know how many times I wanted to put my fist in your face for not seeing me and Pete... for not seeing what you were doing to all of us."  
  
"So do it, son. If it will make you feel better, do it."  
  
"What good would it do now?"  
  
He saw his son mentally back down and knew he couldn't let him. Zander needed a release and he needed it now more than he did the day he walked out 5 years earlier. So Cameron pushed him in the only way he could think of that would hit the boy on a level he wouldn't back down from.  
  
"Hitting me would make you feel better and maybe I'll get lucky enough to get a little TLC out of Alexis in the process..."  
  
The first blow he was prepared for... the second sent him flying backward onto the coffee table that crashed under his weight and the weight of his son's anger.  
  
The heads of both father and son turned to see Alexis striding back in with an ice pack in each hand. She stopped at Zander first and looked down to see which hand needed care and placed one ice pack in his other hand.  
  
"I figured it wouldn't take long. Put it on your hand and hold it there a while, Zander."  
  
"I'm sorry about the table, I..."  
  
"The table is replaceable, Zander. You're not."  
  
"He crossed a line and I couldn't let him get away with it."  
  
Cameron watched Alexis take care of his son from his vantage point on the floor and shook his head back and forth. The boy didn't know how lucky he was to have her so close. As he started to pull himself up off the destroyed coffee table her response to Zander stopped him.  
  
"Don't you think he might have crossed that line on purpose so you could let go of some of that anger you have built up inside. I imagine he either said something about your mother or me to cause you to go ballistic on him like that."  
  
"It was you. He made a snarky comment about you."  
  
"If it was about me, then you have my word it was said in an attempt to help you. But, just in case I'm wrong... if he says it again make sure there's no furniture to land on when you hit him again. But, I want you to remember something for me."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Zander, he's a friend of mine. I kind of like the big oaf and I've grown accustomed to having him around. I know what he's been through the past five years just as I know what you've been through. Listen to him and make him listen to you. You might learn a lot more than you bargained for if you'll just let him get his foot in the door."  
  
"Ok, Alexis."  
  
When her eyes finally turned to find him he felt himself relax a little. Her eyes were filled with compassion and concern for him. Kneeling beside him she lifted the remaining ice pack and gently placed it along the side of his jaw. Her quiet words doing more for him than the chill of an ice pack ever could.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"I'll live."  
  
"Well that's good, I'd hate to find a man with such intuitive spa capabilities just to lose him before I had the chance to really benefit from such a wonderful adventure."  
  
"You have no idea how crushing it is to be loved just for your skills as a masseuse."  
  
Her eyes locked with his momentarily and before he could say anymore she was pulling away whispering to keep his son from overhearing her.  
  
"Your focus needs to be on your son right now, Cameron. Now see if you can stand up."  
  
Duly reprimanded, Cameron stood up and looked toward his son who stood quietly shifting from one foot to the other.  
  
"I'm fine, Alexis and you're right. It's time I told my son the truth."  
  
Zander's eyes met his fathers and he stopped shifting nervously. He remembered that look. His father possessed the ability to get to him in when truth was involved. Somehow, Zander always knew when his dad was being less than honest with him, but this was not one of those times. Zander knew as his dad stared at him, he would be told whatever he wanted to know and it would be the truth. And suddenly he wondered if he could take it... if he could hold up under the truths his dad held. He watched Alexis turn to leave the room and he felt his heart jump with fear. Her eyes met his and she saw what he was feeling. She saw his fear, his need to feel safe again. And as he knew she would, she stopped in front of him and her arms came around him once more to give him strength. The butterflies in his stomach stilled with her whisper in his ear.  
  
"He's just a man who has made some pretty big mistakes. He's a father that needs his son's forgiveness."  
  
He felt her arms begin to leave him and just before she let go, she turned to his father and her request of him gave Zander a measure of peace and he resolved to stay and listen to anything his father had to say.  
  
"Don't make him ask, Cameron. Tell him everything you told me and tell him everything you've never told anyone. Give your son something to believe in again." 


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 

"Don't go too far." 

 She was almost out of the room when she heard Zander call softly.  Turning to face him her heart broke at the fear etched on his face, but his quiet words tore her apart and the look of agreement in his father's eyes almost sent her back to them both to pull them to her breast.  Such strong brave men with little boy hearts full of the need to be loved and approved of; such false bravado in the face of what they yearned for most. 

 "I won't be far away.  Just call and I'll be here." 

 She left the room, but just as she turned the corner she stopped and sat down on the floor close enough to be able to hear them.  She wasn't going any further than she had to.  Tucking her knees close to her chest she wrapped her arms around her legs and laid her head down to listen and wait. 

 *********** 

 Cameron looked around him at the mess he and his son unintentionally wreaked on Alexis' apartment and took a deep breath.  He didn't know where to start, didn't know how to start talking to his son about matters that after years could still cause so much destruction.  He reached down to move the broken coffee table out of the way.  Finding it uncooperative he looked up at Zander and pointed to the other side of the table. 

 "Would you take that end and help me move this thing out of the way.  I don't want Alexis to hurt herself on it." 

 Zander hesitated at the idea of getting so close to his dad but his concern for Alexis won the feud in his heart.  Stepping over the rubble he leaned down to grab hold of the opposite end of the table and between the silent tug of war to decide who should be the one to walk backward, they finally accomplished the task of moving it to the other side of the room.  Just as he dropped his end to the floor, Zander winced and gritted his teeth against the pain that sliced through his palm. 

 "Damn."  

"What?" 

 "Nothing." 

 "What is it, so… Alexander? 

 "It's nothing." 

 "Well your 'nothing' is bleeding all over Alexis' floor." 

 "I'll handle it." 

 "Fine." 

 Cameron watched his son stride from the room toward the kitchen and bent his head toward his chest shaking it back and forth.  It was going to be hard talking to the boy.  It had always been hard talking to Alexander.  His own inability to explain his actions and his son's inability to give an inch was going to make for a battle of wills that Cameron knew his son needed to win this time.  One of them was going to have to let go of their pride if they intended to get any where this evening and Cameron knew it would have to be him.  He caused the destruction they were facing and it was up to him to fix it… if he could.  He stood at the fireplace staring down into the darkness and shivered as the cool icicles of fear threatened to pierce the walls of his heart.  Hearing Alexander re-enter the room, he kept his back to him and prayed for the words to come. 

 He reached up and grasped the mantle.  He couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing.  Running his hand along the mantle as he tried to figure it out he jumped slightly as his hand knocked over the picture of Kristina, Alexis' sister.  As the picture fell backward, Cameron realized what was missing and reached into his back pocket to retrieve his wallet.  Opening it he slipped his fingers in between the plastic pocket and gently pulled.  The picture stubbornly refused to budge from its place of honored rest, so Cameron placed his wallet on the mantel so it could pose as a temporary frame.  The words would come now.  He turned as he heard his son speak. 

 "What are you doing?" 

 "Pete needs to hear this as much as you do, Alexander." 

 "Pete's gone." 

 "No, he's not.  I am constantly reminded of that fact every time I hear someone call your name.  You chose well, Alexander.  You honor him every time someone addresses you.  I think he would be proud." 

 "If he were alive, you mean." 

 Hands that shook at the depth of pain he saw in his son slid into deep pockets grabbing hold of the cloth that created the perfect hiding place for emotions too raw to be seen. 

 "He's alive in you, Alexander.  You did something for Pete that I couldn't do.  You were there for him.  His last thoughts this side of the grave were for you." 

 "What do you mean?" 

 Cameron reached back up to the mantle and picked up his wallet.  Opening it wide he pulled a ragged brown edged tear stained note from its depths and taking a step toward his son offered it to him. 

 "There were two notes.  One for your mother and I and one for you."   

 Zander took a step backward as hope and regret for what his father was holding raced through him.  Pete left him a note.  He didn't forget his promise after all.  They promised each other when they were eight and ten years old they would never leave without saying good-bye.  He didn't get to say good-bye to Pete before he left.  It was another promise broken that caused a heart so full of open wounds to bleed relentlessly.  The love of a brother, the relief of a promise kept and the memory of a blood oath reached for the tattered letter.  Taking it between trembling fingers, Zander very carefully pulled the edges apart and turned his back to his father as he caught sight of the measured script his brother had practiced hour after hour to perfect.  "Architects have to be good writers", he explained.  "I want to build the biggest most awesome buildings, Zan.  I'll draw 'em up and you can help me build 'em.  It'll be great… just the two of us building skyscrapers together.  We'll build 'em high enough so we can hide in the clouds.  We'll be the best there is and the old man won't know what hit him."   

 They dreamed a lot together.  They would head to the lake and lay down on their backs for hours and make plans for their future… just the two of them.  After they planned out everything for themselves they would begin to whisper about the type of girls they wanted to marry, and how they would each have a son so they could grow up together like he and Pete did.  Dreams.  Dreams that now lay buried under a finely cut stone of such garish nature that the one who survived to walk alone never returned to stand by its side.  His brother would be offended by such ostentatious surroundings.  So Zander took what he could of his brother with him and never returned to the graveyard on the hill where the best part of himself lay lost among the wealth and prominence of strangers. 

 Tears coursed down Zander's face and anger so deep, pain so massive erupted in his heart and he turned lunging toward the man who put his brother in that place.  Grabbing hold of the lapels of the sport jacket his dad wore with hands that felt like lead weights, he heard the wrinkled sound of a lost brothers final words and it sent a white hot jolt of lightening through him.  He looked up into the eyes of the man he wanted to hurt, wanted to destroy just as Pete had been destroyed, and shook him with a blinding rage that screamed his hearts agony. 

"**_WHY_**, why did you kill him?  Why couldn't you see what you were doing to all of us?  Didn't you care at all about Pete?  Did you ever once ask what he wanted to do with his life?  Did you know he wanted to build skyscrapers tall enough so we could hide in the clouds?  How could you not see that you were tearing him apart day after day?  So you come here and start on me.  What?  Want to finish the job… so go ahead, here I am… **_kill me like you killed Pete_**." 

 His knees buckled under his grief and he slid to the floor at his father's feet still clutching his brother's last good-bye. 

 And just outside the door a woman's heart and soul grieved for the empty loss of the boy who stole her heart sitting in the PCPD years ago.  Tears fell in rivers as her head leaned backed against the wall and arms that ached to hold him close to her heart hugged her knees tighter. 

 Cameron knelt beside his son and reached for him only to stop before making contact.  The boy didn't want his touch and he couldn't blame him.  Alexander knew so much of the son that was lost to him… his memories of his brother so much richer than the father's for either of his sons.  He couldn't bear to see his son hurting so much so he gave him what he could… the only thing he thought the boy would take from him now. 

 "Okay, son.  We'll do it your way.  I won't bother you again.  I'm sorry for everything I did and didn't do… if I could change it all I would.  If I could take Pete's place I would.  But, it's past now and I can't change the past, but I can let go of you so you can get back to your life without my shadow hanging over you.  I love you, son.  I want you to remember that.  I love you just as much as I loved Pete.  You take care of yourself son and take care of Alexis for me.  Someday we'll… well just take care of yourself." 

 Cameron stood and looked toward the ceiling trying to keep control of his emotions.  He couldn't believe he was walking away again.  He turned back to look at his son who still sat bent over clutching the letter that should have been his years ago.  He took a deep breath and wiped the tear from his face and walked toward the door. 

 "You take one step out that door Cameron Lewis and I'll make sure you never enjoy another peaceful day in your life.  Are you such a coward that you can't give your son what he needs in order to put to rest the pain he lives with every day of his life?" 

 His eyes found her in the doorway, her shirt stained with tears. 

 "Look at him, Alexis.  He can't bear the sight of me." 

 "I'm not having much luck myself right now if you want to know the truth.  Do you think this is what he wants… his father walking out on him again?  Have you no insight at all where your son is concerned?" 

 "Can't you see what this is doing to him?  I have to do what I can to make his life easier." 

 "And believe me you're going to, buddy.  But, walking out on him again is not an option.  Now get your ass in the kitchen and make a pot of coffee and don't come out here again until I call you.  Do you understand me?" 

 He had never seen her so angry before.  His son and the woman he loved; both so intensely angry with him.  How was a man supposed to survive it; how was he supposed to live with himself after today?  Looking at the fire in her eyes he folded.  Removing his jacket, he walked to the kitchen leaving Alexis to take care of his son.  If anyone could reach him now, it would be her. 

 As she strode past him toward his son the heat of her anger slapping at him mercilessly, he heard her enraged rant.   

 "Will I ever be delivered from men who have no concept of how to love their children?  You'd think they would learn from their damn mistakes, but no they have it all under control until their perfect little idea of how to play house is blown out of the water by life and they crumble like a house of cards." 

 Stuffing his hands back into his pockets he headed for the kitchen knowing that every word she spoke was the absolute truth.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18 

"Hey, sweetheart." 

Alexis sat down on the floor beside Zander and pulled him gently into her arms.  He had not moved since his overpowering release of anger toward his father.  She knew he was battling to pull himself together, to step back into the persona of the tough careless loner that protected him from a past that he ran from just as his brother did years earlier.  She also knew that Zander had finally reached his breaking point.  He couldn't hide his broken heart any longer. She sat there and rocked him back and forth as she did his father earlier and whispered calm soothing words to him until his head finally fell to her shoulder.  He allowed her to hold him and when his breathing slowed to normal she saw him lift his hand still clutching the letter and offer it to her without leaving her embrace or the comfort of her shoulder.  His voice was a ragged ghostly echo of the strong vibrant voice she knew him to possess. 

"He didn't forget.  He remembered the oath.  Pete remembered… he didn't forget me." 

Alexis reached for the tattered letter.  It was infused with the warmth of being clutched so tightly in a fevered desperate hand; a testament to a love that never faded and the need to once again hold on to anything that had once belonged to his brother. 

"Have you read it yet?" 

She felt him shake his head and barely heard his muffled words. 

"I can't." 

"Would you like me to read it to you?" 

She felt his head nod once and the shudder that ran through him shook her to the depths of her soul.  With arms reaching around him, not willing to let go, she began to carefully open the letter.  Once it was open and she could see the perfect handwriting she placed an arm around Zander again and began to read quietly. 

_Hey Zan, _

_I promised I wouldn't leave without saying good-bye.  But it's time and I have to go, man.  I can't stay here anymore.  It's just too much to take now.  I want to go where I can be myself and not feel sorry about it or make anybody angry because I didn't do what they wanted.  You understand that, I know you do.  You gotta know it's the hardest thing to leave you holding the bag.  But, you're stronger than me.  You always have been.  I wish I could have been more like you.  I wish it had just been me and you.  We could have made our own way and it would have been bigger and better than anything the old man ever did.  Build me a skyscraper, Zan.  Build it high enough to touch the sky and I'll be there waiting for you.  I love you man.  Be what you want to be and fly high.  Find that girl you told me about and have a couple of sons.  Name 'em after you and me.  Let 'em grow up together and teach them how to dream like we did.  Maybe then you and I can live the way we were supposed to.  Keep dreaming little brother and don't you ever give up. _

_Brothers forever, _

_Pete _

By the time Alexis finished the letter she was crying as hard as the boy she held close to her heart.  Dropping the letter to the floor she pulled him tighter to her and rocked them both back and forth.  He cried for his lost brother... and Alexis for two lost brothers.  One who took the easy way out and the other who pulled himself out of bed every morning to face a world without his best friend, his brother… the other side of himself. 

After starting the coffee Cameron quietly returned and took a seat at the dining room table to listen to the conversation between Alexis and Zander.  From where they were seated on the floor he couldn't be seen.  But he needed to hear what they said to each other.  He needed to learn how to talk to his son.  He needed to hear how much his sons were hurt by their time in his home.  Listening to the words Pete left his brother being read aloud, Cameron finally understood the depth of the boys' connection.  They held a bond that even death couldn't sever.  There was no room for jealousy now; only the guilt and shame for ripping apart a relationship the world and all its uncertainties couldn't have touched.  Cameron got up from the table and quietly stepped out onto the balcony afraid they would hear the torment he couldn't control.  Grabbing hold of the railing he let the tears fall as he raged against himself for destroying his sons lives.   Hearing the heart of his dead son, Cameron wished with all his soul that he had paid attention to his what his sons wanted.  If he could have Pete back with Zander, he'd gladly give his life in exchange.  His youngest son… the strong one survived and made a life for himself free of the rest of them.  He weathered the past better than his father, his brother or his mother.  But, it wasn't finished yet, his son still needed to further relieve himself of the burden he had carried for years and Cameron couldn't hide from it any longer. Straightening back up, he wiped his eyes and stepped back into the room re-claiming his chair at the dining table just in time to hear Alexis begin the questions that he himself wanted to ask. 

"Was that the oath, Zander?  That you wouldn't leave without saying good-bye?" 

"Yeah.  We stole dad's pocket knife and went down to the lake real early one morning.  Pete said if we were going to do it right we had to be able to see the sun rise.  He made this big production out of cutting our fingers and tying them together.  We called it the 'Sacred Blood Oath of the Brothers Lewis'.  And we promised that if it ever got too bad and one of us needed to leave for a while we'd say good-bye first.  I still got the scar from the cut.  Pete said we couldn't both leave together cause someone had to stay with mom.   I used to get so mad at him because he wouldn't even talk about taking off together.  I didn't think it would be like this though." 

Realization began to dawn on Alexis of what was actually causing Zander the most distress. 

"Did you and Pete talk about leaving a lot?" 

"Pete did more than me.  But, he had to put up with the stuff more than I did.  He couldn't walk away like me.  I didn't care if the old man got mad at me, but Pete did.  He couldn't stand anybody being mad at him." 

"Did you two talk about how you would leave?" 

"…Not much." 

The stiffening of his back against her arm and his hesitant answer told Alexis that she was on the right track.  Zander was holding a lot of guilt for some reason. 

"Do you remember the last time you talked about it, Zander?" 

"…Yeah." 

"Can you tell me?" 

She felt him shift within her arms and relaxed her hold enough to give him the freedom to move away if that was what he needed.  But instead of moving completely away from her he turned and leaned his back against her breast so his head could rest easier on her shoulder.  She leaned back against the sofa to support their weight with her arms still holding him to her. 

"He came upstairs from having it out with Dad.  He tried to tell dad that he didn't want to be a doctor, but like always, dad wouldn't listen to him.  Pete shoved his last test at me and I knew how bad the fight was because of the grade.  Pete hated studying anything that didn't get him closer to becoming an architect and English Lit just wasn't one of his strong subjects.  It was a 'D' and I figured dad went nuts on him.  Pete wasn't as angry as I thought he should have been.  He was different that last time… like he didn't care anymore.  He laid down on the bed and put his hands behind his head and looked at me like he was fixing to tell me the secrets of the world.  All he said was, 'I won't leave unless I say good-bye first.  I promise on the sacred blood oath.'  He turned over and didn't say anything else.  It was the next weekend that he… he left." 

"Why are you blaming yourself, Zander?" 

He froze in her arms and she squeezed him tighter, then reached up to brush his hair from his face.  She felt the tension in his body and knew exactly what Zander was feeling.

"When dad told me he shot himself it all kind of made sense, but I couldn't handle letting Pete down so I just blamed dad more.  Pete told me what he was going to do and I didn't hear him right.  If I had really listened to him I might could have stopped him." 

She ran her fingers through his hair once more to pull it out of his eyes then pulled him a bit closer.  Her words were soft and full of compassion.

"It doesn't work that way, Zander.  Pete wanted out and nothing you could have said would have saved him.  He lost hope and you couldn't give it back to him.  It wasn't yours to give." 

Cameron heard her quiet words and the import of them slammed into him with a force that knocked him backward.  He did it.  He stole from his boy the only thing that was keeping him alive; his future with his brother… his dreams of hiding in clouds away from the madness of an ego driven father.  Cameron's head fell onto his hands that rested on the table and his tears quickly formed a puddle that reflected the emptiness Pete must have felt when he looked at him that last time.  How could he face his youngest son now?  And yet, how could he not?  Alexis was right, he took his boys' hope and he needed to make sure Alexander never blamed himself again for what went wrong.  He stood up slowly and shifted the weight of burden across his shoulders then turned to face his son.  As he rounded the sofa he stopped and looked down at Alexis holding his son as though she were afraid to let go… as if he would disappear if she let go.  Yet another lesson to learn for a man who desperately wanted to be a father.  When they both looked up he said the words that his son needed to hear. 

"You were right, Alexander.  I did kill your brother and I have nothing to offer you for his life that is worth the pain you've suffered because of it.  But, if you want to know how we all ended up here, I'll tell you as honestly as I know how and I'll be here long after we're done.  I won't leave you again… ever.  And I won't ask anything of you either." 

He watched his son leave the comfort of Alexis' arms and stand up then reach down to help his surrogate mother up to stand beside him.  Cameron noticed he didn't let go of Alexis' hand as she stood beside him. 

"I want to know why you pushed him to be something he wasn't… something he didn't want to be." 

Both men looked to Alexis as she spoke quietly to Zander. 

"Zander this is as much about you as it is about your brother.  Don't leave out what you need just to satisfy what you want to know about Pete." 

"She's right, Alexander.  I failed you just as much as I failed Pete and your mother.  Why don't we sit down and let me tell you how it all started and where I think I first started to screw things up for all of us." 

Zander needed time to put himself back together and he didn't need his dad knowing he was close to losing it again. 

"Can I take a break first?  Get a coke." 

"I can get it for you, sweetheart."  It was an offer she felt she should make as their hostess, but she could see Zander needed a break so wasn't surprised when he declined. 

"No, that's okay.  I'll get it." 

Cameron watched his son leave the room and then looked toward Alexis. 

"Thank you for taking care of him. I didn't know about the talks he had with Pete.  No wonder he hates me so much." 

Alexis reached for him and lay her hand just under his jaw and ran her thumb back and forth through the mane of his beard. 

"He doesn't hate you, Cameron.  He doesn't know what he feels anymore outside of the pain and anger.  But, you have a chance to reach him now.  If you want to." 

"Oh I want to.  I just don't really know where to start outside of telling him how everything got so messed up in the first place." 

"So tell him." 

"Don't leave this time, Alexis.  Help me reach my son.  Just be here… for both of us." 

She took a step closer then lifted up to kiss him gently on his other cheek her hand falling to rest just above his heart. 

"I can do that."

He reached up to cover her hand with his and looked deep into her eyes. 

"I think I know now why I haven't been able to shake this obsession I've had with you." 

Her eyes grew wide at his confession.  Her whisper held more than a little apprehension.

"Why's that?" 

"You don't quit.  When you love… you don't give up.  Like how you've fought for your daughter.  You'll do anything to keep the people you love safe.  You fight for them with every ounce of strength you have in you.  Whatever good you see in them, you're not satisfied until they see it as well.  Don't give up on me, Alexis.  Don't give up on me like I gave up on my sons." 

"She's not likely to do that.  Alexis doesn't give up.  Evidently she sees something worth hanging on to in you… enough to put up with all this crap from us.  So tell me what that is.  What does Alexis see in you that Pete and me didn't?" 

Cameron and Alexis both turned as Zander came back into the room.  His voice was back to normal or as normal as it could be and his shoulders were again successfully holding the weight of loss he was accustomed to.   

"I honestly don't know, son.  I think that's something you're going to have to ask Alexis.  After finally understanding the full import of my life on my son's… and knowing she knows it as well… it's a lot for a man to deal with." 

"Em's like that.  She knows me; dirt and all, but loves me anyway.  So you ready to do this, that is if Alexis isn't ready to throw us both out of here for bringing all this garbage in on her." 

As Zander turned to accept whatever answer she gave him, she stepped closer to him and wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled him close. 

"You two have pulled me into the middle of this and I'm not going anywhere until it is resolved.  So just get that into that thick head of yours right now, mister." 

Cameron watched his son's arm fall across Alexis' shoulders and the smile he gave her was one he had never seen before on his son's face.  Whatever Zander was looking for when he ran away from home, he found it in the lady that had claimed his own heart.  If they had nothing else in common, the Lewis men knew a good woman when they found one and it was this woman who would bridge the gap between them until they could walk across it themselves and meet in the middle.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19 

"Why did you wait so long to give me my letter from Pete?" 

Cameron raised his hand to stop Alexis from interfering when he saw her lean forward and open her mouth.  The conversation was not going to proceed as she would have liked from here on out.  Alexander would not be willing to sit back and just listen.  It had always been a point of contention between them since the day the boy learned to talk.  Alexander was never one to sit back and wait for something to happen if it was an issue that meant a lot to him.  Catching Alexis' eye he nodded his head once to let her know that it was okay.  As time progressed she would come to understand their mutual game of tug-of-war if she didn't already given how close she was to his son. 

"I thought you had enough to deal with and I didn't want to see you hurt anymore." 

"Doesn't seem like that was your call to make.  How would you know anything about what me and Pete wanted? You were never around enough to know and what time we did see you it was because you were stuck up in our face giving us hell about something we weren't doing the way you thought it shoulda' been done." 

"You have a point, Alexander but I still thought it would be better to wait." 

"Better for me or better for you?  You evidently haven't learned a whole lot over the past few years if you think you can walk in here and start dictating what I should do with my life or how I should live it." 

Alexis couldn't stay quiet.  Zander no longer seemed to be interested in the why of their situation.  It appeared that all Zander wanted was to lash out and hurt as much as he was hurt.  She understood where he was coming from, but it wasn't very productive for either of the men who now appeared to be facing off to engage in an all too familiar battle of will. 

"That's not what he's saying, Zander.  His only motivation was to save you more heartache." 

"Is that why he waltzed in here like he did and started blaming me for Pete's death all over again even when he knew it wasn't my fault?" 

"I'm sure he has the answer to your question if you would just let him talk." 

Cameron interrupted the conversation between the two.  He was losing patience with his son. 

"Is this the way you really want to do this, Alexander.  Do you really want to spend hours throwing insults and sarcastic remarks at me, or do you want me to give you the answers you say you've wanted all along?" 

Alexis watched Zander fairly leap from the sofa beside her and quickly stood up making a grab for his arm as he started toward his father.  He immediately stopped when he felt her hand on his arm as she moved to stand between father and son trying to control her own anger. 

"If all you two are interested in is seeing how riled you can get each other then we are not going to get very far.  Now both of you go sit down at the dining table.  **_ACROSS_** from each other and don't get up again and don't open your mouth until I get back.  I need a cup of coffee." 

When they both refused to budge, Alexis released an exasperated sigh and reached up gently pushing Zander toward the dining room and looked up at Cameron nodding her head in the direction she wanted him walking in. 

"**_NOW_**." 

"Alexis, you don't have to treat us as though we were children." 

"_Don't I_?  Let's see if I've got this straight.  You ask for help with your son, your son comes over here to talk to you… you're both standing here like militants ready to face off for another of what I gather are your legendary battles and you don't think you should be treated like children?  Get in the dining room, Cameron and sit down like I asked you to." 

"Asked, Alexis?" 

"Alright told you to go.  Cameron, this is not the time to question my choice of words." 

She turned toward Zander as he flipped a remark her way. 

"This is not going to work, Alexis.  Let's just chalk it up to another death in the family and walk away." 

"Zander Smith, I don't think I've ever been as angry with you as I am right now.  You haven't stopped attacking him since you walked in that door.  What's wrong with you?  Are you so afraid of actually getting what you claim to want that you're willing to throw this chance away with both hands?  If you would hold that tongue of yours long enough you would see that your father has yet to raise his voice, return any of your condescending insults or even try to defend himself against them.  Where is this monster you keep telling me you have as a father?  Now go sit down at the dining table before I lose my patience with both of you." 

Both men turned toward the general direction of the dining room and reluctantly made their way into the room and sat across from each other as they were commanded to.  Neither spoke until Alexis returned from the kitchen with two cups of coffee.  Placing one in front of Cameron she laid her hand briefly on his arm to hopefully ease the tension of her earlier words.  Sitting down at the head of the table she set her cup down and leaned back crossing her legs. 

"Now, this is the way we are going to do this.  Zander, I'm going to start this off with something your father told me and you are going to listen to him until he is finished explaining and then you will have your turn to address the matter.  Does that suit everyone?" 

Cameron looked a little apprehensive given everything he disclosed to her earlier, but he wasn't getting anywhere with the boy so maybe her way would be the best.  He nodded and looked over to his son who sat defiantly waiting to see if his old man would go for it. 

Zander looked back at Alexis and nodded once, mimicking his father. 

"Okay then.  Cameron… based on what you explained to me earlier, would you agree that you had an unhealthy view of the relationship you witnessed between your sons?" 

Zander stood abruptly with a look of surprise and confusion on his face and the words came before he could stop them. 

**_"JUST WHAT DID YOU…" _**

"**_Zander, sit down_**.  It is not your turn to speak." 

Alexis looked at him sternly and reached to lay her hand on Cameron's arm to still the quick defensive remark she knew was about to be released never taking her eyes away from his son. 

"If I have to tie you to that chair Zander, I will.  And don't think I haven't thought about taping your mouth shut." 

Zander returned to his chair sheepishly mumbling something about being sorry.  Alexis finally turned to rest her eyes on Cameron whose eyes were studying the table in front of him. 

There was only one way to get the boy's complete attention and that was to give him something to prove that at least some of what he thought about his father was correct.  It meant opening himself up for more abusive remarks as well as giving his son a bulls-eye target on his heart. He drew a deep breath and began.

"When I came to town I wasn't ready to admit to my son that, as a man, I failed to do right by my family.  Being a man is more than holding down a job and providing for his family.  I finally had to admit to myself that I failed in the one thing every boy dreams of becoming… a man who understands his role in the world.  When I looked at you that first day after all those years… you were a reminder of that failure and I didn't handle it very well.  For that I am sorry, son.  I think what got to me the most, was that from everything I was hearing about you and your relationship with Emily, you seemed to have been able to accomplish what I couldn't.  It didn't sit too well with me, so I lashed out… again.  It seems that with you, I'm always trying to catch up." 

"Catch up, I don't understand." 

Hearing Zander interrupt didn't bother Alexis this time.  His voice was curious and questioning rather than accusatory, so she sat back again and let them proceed at their own pace.  Cameron left enough of his heart on the table to reach Zander and she knew it was time for her to let him take control of the conversation. 

"You've always been confident of yourself, Alexander.  There has never been a time that you didn't know exactly how you felt about something or what you wanted to do in any given circumstance.  Peter may have been the oldest in age, but you were the wisest.  You were always the one who knew how to make something happen.  More often than not when you boys left the house, it was Peter following you.  He wanted to be like you.  I could see it in his eyes and… and…" 

Cameron's head fell forward.  How could he say it to his son?  How could he tell his son just how sick he was?  He felt her hand cover his and he placed his other hand on top of hers and looked toward her. 

"Just say it, Cameron.  Once the words are out there you are no longer their prisoner.  Just tell him like you told me." 

He smiled weakly then looked toward his son briefly before his eyes fell to the hand he was now holding between both of his.  Whatever happened, she was here.  Together they could handle it.  Taking a deep breath he released it slowly letting the words find their way to his son's ears. 

"Most of what I put you through son, was because I was jealous of your relationship with Peter." 

There… it was finally out.  Cameron sat there waiting for his son to erupt and frowned with confusion as silence filled the room.  He looked up to face his son and couldn't tell what the boy was thinking.  He felt Alexis squeeze his hand and pull away.  She stood up and moved to kneel beside Alexander. 

"Zander, sweetheart, are you okay?" 

His eyes left his father to find her.  He looked into her eyes for a moment then stood and walked across the room putting as much distance between himself and his father as he could.  Raising his fist to his mouth he chewed on his forefinger a moment trying to still the flood inside then shook his head and met his father's eyes across the room. 

"Why?  With everything you had… your career, your social status… the cars, boats, that monster of a house… you had it all.  Why?" 

Cameron stood and walked to the opposite corner of the room.  The distance between father and son could not be measured by the length of a room no matter how hard they tried… now it could only be measured by time and wounds inflicted and a wealth of misunderstanding.  Alexis returned to her chair and left them to try and heal some of the damage. 

"I had everything except Peter's love.  You had the one thing I wanted most in the whole world." 

Zander felt the omission in his soul.  Once again Pete took priority with his dad.  Refusing to let anyone know how much it hurt, he shoved it to the side and faced his father again. 

"I thought all you wanted was me and Pete to be doctors like you." 

Alexis saw the pain flash through Zander's eyes as she recognized the omission in the same moment he did.  She turned to look at Cameron and knew he was unaware of how much he had just hurt his son. 

"Hang on a minute, Zander.  You may be willing to let it pass, but I'm not.  Cameron, you need to think about what you just said to your son.  If I could see how much you just hurt him, you should be able to as well." 

Cameron looked from one to the other frowning in bewilderment silently questioning himself.  'What did I say?  Think man, what did you say?  What? What was it?'  He looked to Alexis. 

"I told him what I wanted." 

He watched her get up and move to stand beside Alexander taking his hand in hers.  They were now standing together and all of a sudden he felt it all over again; the enormous emptiness… the isolation… the numbness of feeling so incredibly alone.  Just like he did years ago when Alexander and Peter would stand in front of him.  They didn't have to put into words that they would choose each other over him whatever the problem.  The way they stood together, backing each other up made him feel unnecessary, unwanted… adrift without a purpose and now looking at Alexis standing beside his son he felt it all over again.  Two, whom he loved more than his own life, standing together over something he had inadvertently said… something that couldn't have come out right.  In his mind's eye, he once again saw Pete and Zander standing together, arms swung nonchalantly across each other's shoulder and the pain overtook him once again and he crumbled under it. 

Zander watched in astonishment as his father slowly slipped to the floor.  He had never seen his dad so messed up.  Forgetting the pain in his own heart he rushed to his dad's side and knelt beside him. 

"Dad, you okay?" 

"What did I say, son?  What was it that I didn't say right?" 

When Cameron looked up into his son's eyes, a single tear fell from each eye and Zander felt each one of them hit him directly in the heart.  In that moment, he remembered a lifetime of what it felt like to want his father to love him… to approve of him.  It no longer seemed important to tell him how much he was hurt by what his dad said.  He didn't know if he wanted tell him or not now.  He looked back searching for help to find it standing beside him.  A comforting hand found its way to lie warmly on his shoulder. 

"Tell him, Zander.  He will never know until you start telling him every time he says something like that.  There is a reason he doesn't understand how hurtful his words can be to you.  You are going to have to teach him how to talk to you, just as he is going to have to start dealing with the fact that he doesn't know his son as well as he thought he did.  Tell him what he said… or rather what he didn't say." 

Zander returned his gaze to his father to find that Cameron was looking at him intently waiting for his question to be answered. He reached out and took hold of his dad and helped him to stand back up then led him back to his chair.  Rather than sit across from him, Zander sat down in the chair Alexis had vacated.  His eyes connected with his dad's and he answered his dad as truthfully as he could. 

"You said you had everything except Pete's love." 

Cameron frowned. "Yes, I know." 

Taking a deep breath Zander then asked the one question that kept him awake on more nights than he cared to remember. 

"Did I ever mean as much to you as Pete did? Didn't you ever want me to love you like you wanted Pete to love you?"


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Cameron's jaw dropped at his son's question. He was speechless. He looked from Alexander to Alexis, who sat quietly across from him refusing to help now, then back to Alexander. 

With his father's obvious shock at his question, Zander began to put a few of the pieces together for his dad. It was time for the son to enlighten the father. 

"Other than today, when was the last time you told me or Pete either one that you loved us?" 

"You boys knew I loved you." 

"How could we know that, dad? Think about all the times we were actually in the same room together. Tell me what you remember about those times." 

Cameron leaned back and let himself remember the weekly meetings he held with his sons. Memories began to float across the cinema of his mind. They sat side by side in front of his massive desk while he sat behind it questioning their daily activities. As the memories continued, Cameron began to see a pattern emerge. With each memory that came, Alexander seemed to always be blurred a bit. It was Pete that held the center frame of each memory. Pete who always seemed to be lost in some fantasy world… always seemed to be dreaming. As time went by, it became apparent to him that Alexander would be a lost cause in his efforts to bring his boys into the business with him. Peter was his only chance. As the full import of his thoughts hit him, Cameron leaned forward and dropped his head into his hands. He sat there for a moment then turned his head to stare at his son. His beautiful son… the one who probably needed him the most; but would eventually choose to run away rather than admit it. Cameron relinquished the rest of his pride and gave his son the rest of the story. 

"My sons had a way of looking at me as if I were a stranger. And I'll admit I probably was a stranger to you. I never gave you boys anything of myself that would confirm I was just as fallible as everyone else was. It occurred to me that if I could give you what I had then maybe you would look at me differently. Maybe you wouldn't look at me as if I were a stranger anymore. But, you didn't seem to need anything from me, son. As much as I wanted to be a father to you, you didn't need me. All you ever needed was Peter. So, if you could get what you needed from him, then why couldn't I? But, I didn't have a firm foundation to build a relationship on with either of you. I had this idea of the three of us setting up a practice together and I tried to get the two of you to follow in my footsteps. But, things got off track. The more I tried to force you to adhere to what I wanted, the more you both resisted and I began spending more time at the office. While my sons were building a rock solid relationship, I was building a career and reputation that began to feed my already out of control ego. If I couldn't find the respect I felt I deserved in the eyes of my sons, I was bound and determined to find it elsewhere. That's when things really started to get out of hand. The more respect I garnered in the medical field the more it ate at me that my sons wanted nothing to do with me. Peter was the one I figured I stood a better chance of getting to see things my way. He wasn't nearly as headstrong as you were and I figured if I pushed him hard enough he'd fold and I would at least have one of my sons by my side. It wasn't that I loved him more, I was just desperate for someone in my own family to want to be close to me. I had all I ever wanted in possessions. What I didn't have was peace. I could not lay down at night with the knowledge that I was loved or needed. That's what I wanted and I thought Peter was my only chance." 

Zander sat there shaking his head in disbelief. How could his dad have been so wrong about so many things? How can a man miss the boat as completely as his dad had? An idea suddenly occurred to him. There was a piece missing in all of this. Somewhere along the way something had to have happened to throw his dad so completely that everything got screwed up in his head. So just where did his mother fit into all of this? 

"Dad, Alexis has been more of a mother for me than my own mother ever was. Can you explain why that is?" 

Cameron gazed dropped to his clasped hands on the table in front of him. How much more would his son need from him before the night was done. He glanced up at Alexis briefly. Maybe if he just gave the highlights…

"Your mother married me because she loved me. I married her because I needed someone to lean on to get me through medical school. When she realized that she was no more than a prop for me, something went out of her. She was never the same after that and you boys suffered because of it. She lost interest in all of us. The bridge parties, social events and charity work… it all took the place of love in her life. She and I became the distinguished 'Lewis Couple'. A party wasn't a party unless the Lewis' were in attendance. In the beginning, we catered to the rich and influential and all of a sudden we were in a position to claim that honor." 

"You're leaving something out, dad. What is it? What happened to mom? Did you love mom when you married her?" 

Alexis had been sitting back quietly letting father and son iron things out between themselves, but when Zander brought up the subject of his mother, her curiosity went into overload and she imperceptibly leaned forward a bit. 

"I don't think your mother or I really understood the absolute commitment that is required for a marriage to be successful. Your mother did love me, but I'm not too sure I even understood what those words really meant back then." 

Cameron looked back across the table at Alexis and locked their gazes together. He wanted her to know that things were different now. His gaze stayed with her as he continued to talk to his son. 

"Love is more than a feeling… it is more than two people deciding they want to sleep together just to prove they have feelings for one another. There has to be a dedication to commitment involved. You have to believe in your heart that nothing and no one will ever come between you and the woman you love." 

Alexis felt rather than saw Zander shift uncomfortably in his chair at the attention Cameron was paying her. With his eyes still holding hers she imperceptibly indicated he should return his attention to his son. Recognizing that she was still trying to care for his sons concerns, Cameron reluctantly pulled his gaze from her and shifted his full attention back to his son. 

"I married your mother because I was afraid of not making it in the medical field and I wanted to do something that I knew I could succeed at so if I did in fact fail, it wouldn't be such a tragic loss. When I graduated and passed from fellowship into practice I followed most of my buddies and fell into the 'physician' trap. I had the world by the tail and nothing could touch me. Your mother all of a sudden took a back seat to anyone who had a heart problem. The first time I actually held someone's heart in my hands and gently massaged it back to life something happened inside me. I was never the same after that. I let my ego take control of my life. It was such a profound experience that I decided I wouldn't rest until my sons could experience the same feeling of empowerment. It never occurred to me that my sons would not want to work with me; would not want to follow in their father's footsteps. And then the older you two got, the closer you became and I lost my place in your lives at all. That last hunting trip… when Peter… I was desperate to connect with my sons. I needed to find a way to reach you. I couldn't go on battling with you both day after day. I knew I was losing you… I could see it every time I looked at you. The last fight Pete and I had… he said something to me that I will never forget. I think he knew then what he was going to do, but I was so estranged from him that I couldn't see it. But, for the first time in his life he stood up to me. He got in my face and told me to leave you alone. He said, 'Don't ruin Zan's life like you've ruined mine. Give him a chance to be happy. At least somebody in this house ought to be able to be happy without you standing over them waiting to rip it away from them.' He didn't say anything else, just stormed out of my office." 

Zander slowly stood up and crossed the room only to turn back to stare at his father in astonishment. 

"He said that? Pete actually said that to you?" 

"Yeah, he said it. And a week later he shot himself." 

For the first time since his dad came to town Zander felt the weight of his father's grief and guilt over his brothers death. Unlike the past though, this time he understood just how deep his dad's guilt actually ran. But more than that, his dad was giving him the freedom to remember his brother without he himself feeling guilty for his death. And yet there was still the question of his mother. His dad didn't answer his question. Walking back to his chair he sat down and put the question on the table again. 

"There's only been one other person in my life that I cared about as much as I did Pete. And that's Alexis. Why is it that I can feel how much Alexis loves me, but I can't seem to get that same feeling from my own mother? What happened to mom, dad?" 

Cameron looked up at Alexis just in time to see the tears fall down her face. She was looking at his son just as his son probably had wished a thousand times his mother would have looked at him. It was there for the world to see. Alexis did love his son as if he were her own and he again accepted responsibility for what he cost his boys. He lowered his head and gave his son the answer he asked for. 

"Son, when your mother realized that I didn't love her… that I married her under false pretenses; her ability to love any of us faded. It hardened her and she was just not able to give you boys what you needed. She tried. She tried harder with you boys than anything I've ever seen before. But, fear kept her tied to living on the surface of life. Something inside her wouldn't allow herself to ever again put herself out there and take a chance on being hurt again. You boys grew up without love because I tore from your mother her ability to love." 

Cameron looked toward his son to see his reaction, but the boys eyes were firmly glued to the table. At least he wasn't railing at him or storming out. He looked as if he were taking it all in and processing all the information he received. When the boy finally looked up and met his eyes there was not a hint of accusation or anger… just an enormous sadness. His son had grown up without him and become a man to be proud of. Cameron had one question of his own before they finished their conversation for the evening. 

"Alexander, you've grown into a responsible caring young man. How did you do it? You didn't learn courage, honor or compassion at home. Where did you learn it, son? Who taught you how to be a man?" 

He watched as his son stood up and walked around the table and lay his hands gently on the shoulders of Alexis then kneel beside her taking her hands into his gazing up at her lovingly. 

"This is where I learned it, dad. This woman who never gave up on me and has stood by me from day one. She is still teaching me and I will forever be in her debt for taking me in to her home and caring about me when I thought I was worthless and of no use to anyone. I use to lay awake at night and talk to Pete about her. I would tell him that I wanted to someday marry a woman like Alexis and Pete would have agreed with me. I got lucky with Em. She's a lot like Alexis. And if she'll stop crying long enough for me to get my kiss on the cheek, I'll be out of here and you two can finish this up without me. I need some time to think about everything." 

She stood up pulling his son with her and threw her arms around him sobbing at the honor he bestowed on her. She kissed his cheek and held onto him for quite a while before releasing him. His own tears were raining at the love he saw in his son's eyes when he stepped out of her embrace. As his son walked to the door and gripped the doorknob, Cameron's heart stirred with fear. He suddenly didn't want his son to leave yet… he didn't know how his son felt about everything he heard. Would he be forgiven for his transgressions against his family or not? His son's quietly breathed name was the only sound that came from lungs bursting from lack of oxygen. 

"Alexander?" 

He almost choked as the air rushing in fought the sound racing forth as his son answered. 

"Folks around these parts call me Zander, dad… **All** of them."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"Folks around here call him Zander. That's what he said. Does that mean what I think it means, Alexis?" 

She gazed at the look of restrained hope and expectancy on his face with tears in her eyes knowing what it would mean to him for his son to allow him to use the name his brother left him with. 

"I would suggest that you not refer to him as Alexander anymore when you speak to him." 

Still sitting at the table, Cameron took his eyes from the door that his son had just walked out of and looked to find her. Only a few steps away, eyes glistening with unshed tears he held his hand out to her and waited for her to come to him. As her fingers sought to find his amid the haze of unshed tears, he broke. Pulling her toward him hurriedly he wrapped his arms around her tightly laying his head on her breast. Her arms encased him like a well-worn comfortable blanket. 

"Thank you, Alexis. Thank you for helping my son and I connect. I know it's going to take a lot more work, but I think we're both ready now." 

She felt the burn of his tears deep in her soul and pulled him tighter to her. Feeling a small shudder pass through him she bent her head to lay her lips just above his temple where his hairline began. She couldn't help the envy that consumed her at the thought that Cameron had spent the evening in her home in the company of his son; and her daughter was miles away having never spent one night here. And there was not a hint yet of when she would be able to bring her baby home. Running her hand across his back a few times she gently disengaged herself from him and began to clear the table. 

He followed her to the kitchen and stood in the doorway as she rinsed out their coffee cups and discarded the remaining coffee still in the pot. Studying her face as she moved around, Cameron knew exactly what she was thinking about. How could he not? As much time as they had spent together in the past months it wasn't hard at all to see that Alexis was thinking about her daughter and her absence from the home Alexis prepared for her. He couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for her to watch him with his son in her home. As she finished cleaning she walked toward him or rather toward the door he was standing in. Just as she reached him, he lifted his hands placing them on her arms stopping her from sliding past him. 

"It was hard on you tonight." 

"I'm fine, Cameron." 

"No, you're not. But, you will be. Just a little while longer, Alexis. Just a little while longer." 

He pulled her to him and held her letting his chin fall to rest on the top of her head. 'This is where she belongs', he thought; in my arms… always in my arms. Before he was ready, he felt her pull away and look up at him. Her eyes were distant and filled with the ever-present loss that never left her for a minute during her long torturous days. 

"It's been a long night, Cameron and I'm tired. I just want to lie down and sleep for a while. Do you mind?" 

She was asking him politely to leave her to grieve alone. Searching the darkness of her eyes he decided it would be best to give her the space she needed. Placing a quick kiss on her forehead he let her go. 

"You look like you could sleep a week. So, yes… I'll leave you to get some rest. Maybe you wouldn't mind my stopping by sometime around lunch tomorrow. If I bring you some healthy nourishment, that is." 

"Are you afraid I might don the butler uniform again just to see my daughter?" 

"No. I wasn't worried. I think you know how important it is this time to let everything proceed through the court, as it needs to. We are so close to bringing Kristina home and I don't think you would jeopardize your chances this time seeing as how this is the first time we've been this close." 

His was right and she knew it. And it infuriated her. He was accomplishing something that she felt as a mother she should have been able to do… was her responsibility… her right. The longer he stood there looking at her, the more agitated she became. 

"You're absolutely right, Cameron. So I guess I'll see you for lunch tomorrow." 

Her ire was not lost on him. She stood so close and yet, so far away from him. There was nothing more he could do tonight. Best to leave her to handle her emotions alone this time. Turning toward the door, he lost his equilibrium and stumbled sideways. Reaching up quickly to find something to hang onto his hand was caught by Alexis and her arm circled his waist holding him up. 

"Cameron? Are you alright? What's wrong?" 

"It's nothing. I think my head just caught up to the exhaustion of my body or maybe it's the other way around. It's been a rough night, more so than I really expected it to be. I just need some sleep, Alexis. I'll be fine. Now go on and get yourself to bed. I'll see you around noon tomorrow." 

"Not on your life, buddy. You're not leaving here stumbling around like that. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you on the way home. You'll stay in the guestroom tonight. You can go back to your place first thing in the morning to get ready for work. And I'll have no arguments. I don't have it in me to worry about you, Zander _and_ my daughter. So just shut-up and do what I ask, please." 

He looked down at her and felt the grip of worry around his heart. Such a strong delicate woman! How can two totally opposite adjectives define such quiet perfection? She was a mass of contradictions that teased and tantalized him at every turn forever keeping him on the edge of wonder… forever bound to her with curiosity, anticipation… excitement. 

"I don't think I have it in me to argue with you tonight, Alexis. Point me in the right direction and I'll take it from there. Go to bed, angel. I'll see you in the morning." 

Moments later the apartment was cloaked in darkness and as his eyes yielded to the pull of sleep he heard her turn over with what sounded like a fist finding its way into the center of an uncooperative pillow. 

********************* 

Cameron sat straight up in bed with a sense of alarm. He didn't hear anything and wondered what had awakened him so abruptly from a deep sleep. He started to lie back down when he heard her. Her scream was a bit muffled, but it was terror filled. Leaping from bed he tripped over his shoe and almost bashed his head against the doorframe. As another screamed pierced the air he gained his footing and ran to her room. She was sitting upright when he finally reached her. Her head was buried in her hands and she was sobbing hysterically, the sounds of her grief felt like hot lava oozing through the passages of his heart. He crawled up beside her and positioned himself so that he could pull her close enough to sit between his legs. It was as close as he could get to her. Wrapping his arms around her he drew her close and lay her head under his chin next to his heart. He gently rocked her back and forth whispering calm loving words to her until she quieted a bit. 

"Shhhhh, angel. It's me. It's Cameron. Honey, it's okay. I'm here and everything's okay. Tell me what I can do for you. Tell me what you need, angel." 

"She… She's dead. My beautiful baby girl… she's dead. They took her from me and she died." 

Becoming more hysterical she tried desperately to push him away from her. "Leave me alone, please. Let me go… let me go with her. Let me go with my baby girl." 

"No, Alexis. It was a dream, angel. Kristina's fine. She's just fine. You were having a nightmare, sweetie. Shhhhh… it was just a bad dream." 

He finally reached her through the sleepy fog that surrounded her and her arms gradually found their way around him as she relaxed against him until her tears subsided enough to be able to speak. 

"I need my baby. I can't live without her, Cameron. I can't function without her. Every day is worse than the day before. Nothing will ever be right until my baby girl is home where she belongs." 

He knew exactly what Alexis was feeling. He remembered standing over his son's grave and felt the same emptiness she was now feeling. He understood that nothing would ever be the same without her child. Her life began the day Kristina was born, it ended the day she was taken from her and would not begin again until the room next to hers was filled with the sounds of renewed life… of baby laughter… and baby talk… . Of happiness and peace… the fragrances of baby powder and baby wipes and baby blankets, all filled with the scent of her child. 

When he finally spoke again, it was to agree with the thoughts that he had no doubt were running through her mind. 

"It isn't lost on me, Alexis that this is the second time I have spent the night in your home and your daughter has yet to spend one night here. And I know how much anger and hurt you feel because of it. I know because I've been where you are now. I lost both of my sons for a while. So I know what you're feeling. And if I could get away with it I'd storm the gates of hell to bring her home to you. Because you more than any woman I have ever known deserves to raise a child… your child. Kristina and Zander both are lucky to have been placed into your life. Kristina will know it eventually. My son knows it now. I wish with all my heart that I had met you all those years ago. I would give my life to be able to turn back time and start over with you. But, it's impossible and not such a smart idea to dream of what could have been. We are here now… we have a job to do… and we are going to do it together. We are going to bring your daughter home where she belongs." 

He lifted her chin with his forefinger and he gazed into eyes that were filled with sadness. Just as she released a final sob he quickly covered her mouth with his own and inhaled… he breathed in her sob taking it deep into his lungs making it a part of him. He began to gently pull back out of respect for her grief when her hand tentatively found its way to his cheek. Continuing to pull away he felt the pressure of her hand slide past his ear into his hair and around to the back of his head. She pulled him back to her and opening her mouth took his breath away from him. His senses went into overload as he felt her lightly caress the inside of his upper lip then boldly push to enter the land of promise. His head screamed at him to stop her before they skated past the point of no return. It wasn't the right time. She needed to feel alive and she was using their attraction for each other to force herself to feel something other than the pain she lived with daily. When the arm that was still wrapped around his waist found its way underneath his T-shirt, he groaned at the teasing feather light scratches she made with her fingernails against his skin. He was spiraling out of control and the vibration of his lips against hers pushed him over the edge. He wanted more… he wanted it all. Every part of him screamed to touch her. With a willpower he never knew he possessed he dragged his lips from her and pulled her tight against him trying to still the raging tide that threatened to drown him. He had never needed a woman the way he needed her in that moment. Her muffled cry of frustration at being denied what she sought matched his own irritation at finding out that after everything he'd been through in his life, he was still a gentleman at heart. 

"I'm sorry, Alexis. I can't let us do this. As much as I want to strip your clothes off right now and make love to you until you can't remember anything else… we can't do it, angel. I can't do that to you. Not yet. Everything in you is screaming to feel something besides the pain. If I let us do this… it wouldn't be about us. It would be about every rotten thing that has happened to you and your lack of control over it. Please don't be hurt because I'm stopping this. You know it's not what I really want. There's a fire between us that is not going to go away. I want more than anything to wrap you around me and never come up for air, but the fire will still be there when we have Kristina sleeping peacefully in the next room. Please don't hate me for turning you down, my angel." 

Her arms slowly disentangled from him and just as he thought she would pull away, he felt her shyly grab hold of his t-shirt at his waist. He leaned his ear slightly down to hear her muffled words. 

"I know you're right. And I'm sorry. I don't know what I feel anymore outside this constant ache inside. I don't know what to do about it… it never leaves me. I can't find one moment of rest without it. It's been a part of me since the moment they took her from me in the delivery room." 

"I know angel. It eats away at you until you can't tell where the pain stops and you start. I know, honey. But, I promise you it won't be much longer. I promise, angel. Now you need to get some rest. If you'll behave yourself, I'll stay with you and hold you until you fall asleep." 

He felt her laugh against shoulder and he relaxed. 

"I'm not promising anything, Cameron Lewis. Like I said this morning, I'm not responsible for what happens when I dream." 

Hanging onto her he rolled to his side taking her with him and gently turning her around he spooned her closely against his body with his arms firmly wrapped around her. He couldn't help but tease her in return. 

"Just remember, Ms Davis. I was a gentleman once tonight. Don't tempt the laws of man… you might not get off so easily next time." 

He choked on her reply. 

"You're just afraid you wouldn't be able to keep up." 

He regained his breath just in time to lose it again when the laughter she tried to stifle shook her whole body, which lay perfectly fitted to his own. Hearing his groan she laughed harder until he reached down and pulled her hips closer to him indicating what her laughter was progressively doing to him. She quieted immediately and he wished he could see the blush that he knew had just blossomed in full glory across her face. He grinned in the dark and began to visualize what the chill of a cold shower would do to the heat of his body until his raging desire for the woman he held in his arms slowly brought itself under control. 

He lay there for an hour after she fell asleep holding her as if all of his tomorrows depended on her. The slow even breaths he felt coming from her matched his own as he leaned his cheek against the back of her head. He stared at the ceiling for a while trying to figure out what he could do for her that would help pass the time until they heard from Gail Baldwin. He had already decided to call Gail first thing in the morning to find out what her progress was, but he wouldn't make the call unless Alexis was standing beside him when he did. There was not a move to be made as far as he was concerned unless Alexis was right there with him. With everything she did to stay close to her daughter, the most important thing he learned was that if Alexis knew what was going on, when it would happen and how something was suppose to play out, then she could handle it. She was no good at sitting back and blindly waiting. He envied her that trait. It would have served him well in his own life if he were as soundly equipped mentally as Alexis was. 

He felt her shift; then settle. Her arm lay over his that wrapped warmly around her waist and just as his eyes began to close he felt her move again. Raising his head just enough to see what she was doing, he caught the movement again. Her hand was moving across the sheet as if she were searching for something. Her barely audible whimper of frustration forced a grin from him as he pulled his hand out from under her and reaching toward her gently laced her fingers between his own and brought them both to her breast. The soft sigh of contentment that led her deeper into slumber filled him with hope, promise and love. Love like he had never known before… never thought possible. There were no words to describe the vastness of this love in his vocabulary. He could have spent his life searching for such a profound love only to die of starvation had she never graced his life. To be asked what he knew of love… all he could do was point to her. That is love. She is love. She is the air that I breathe. Life, love and happiness… all held within in the circle of his arms embodying his very existence.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Cameron awoke the next morning to the smell of strong coffee and rolling over he groaned at the empty pillow beside him. He sighed heavily realizing he hadn't awakened soon enough to reach the coffee pot first. He wasn't ready to face the first hour of the day with a cup of Alexis' coffee. In resignation he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He felt good and well rested. In fact he hadn't slept that soundly in quite a while. He knew the reason. It was her, his angel. Never had his arms been so full as they were the night before. He held her close all through the night, never once relinquishing his hold on her. He reached down and lifted his t-shirt up to his nose and breathed deeplywhispering_, "Such wonder never graced the heart as the scent of a woman upon a man. Such intimate wonder he begs to remain beyond eternity."_ He felt like a kid again and with both hands he pulled the cotton up to cover his entire face and chuckled as her scent completely filled his senses. 

"What are you doing, Cameron Lewis?" 

He froze at the sound of her voice in the doorway. Grinning behind the veil of his t-shirt at what he must look like, he suddenly thought 'so what', I feel too good to let a little embarrassment get in the way of a beautiful morning and a little fun with Alexis. Dragging his shirt slowly down he stopped when it reached the bridge of his nose and peeked over the edge at her with a light of mischief filling his eyes. He could see she was struggling to keep from laughing at him so he yanked the shirt completely free of his face and motioned her closer. 

"Come here. I'll show you." 

Sitting down beside him on the bed she grinned at the twinkle in his eyes and lost control of the laughter she was holding back as he thrust the neck of his t-shirt toward her. 

"It's a t-shirt, Cameron. I know what a t-shirt is." 

"Smell it." 

She leaned back to put a little distance between herself and the shirt he was attempting to thrust into her face staring at him dubiously. 

"Excuse me?" 

"You wanted to know what I was doing. So go on, take a whiff of it." 

She was laughing almost uncontrollably now. Between the light in his eyes and the mischief on his face she couldn't help it. 

"Now why would I want to smell a shirt that you've had on since yesterday morning, Cameron?" 

"Ha, just goes to show what you know. If you think you're going to smell me on this shirt, then you've got another think coming. And why would you even consider that smelling my own body odor could put a smile this big on my face? And if you don't wrap this shirt around your nose within the next minute I'm going to take it off and do it for you." 

Her eyes became perfectly round saucers as they widened dramatically at his threat. 

"You wouldn't dare." 

"Oh wouldn't I?" 

He reached toward the hem of his shirt and inch by inch began lifting. Her eyes remained fixed on his hands until the planes of his stomach slowly came into view and a warm sensation began to fill every pore of her body. She quickly grabbed both of his hands and yanked them back down. 

"Alright, Alright. You win." 

She reached for the top of his t-shirt and pulled it smartly toward her choking him purposely. Burying her nose for a nano-second she let go and pushed him backward. 

"You smell like a girl, Cameron. I would suggest you shower before going to work unless you really want the grapevine buzzing at General Hospital." 

"You are so wrong, angel. I don't smell like a girl. I smell like you and I wouldn't at all mind smelling like this the rest of the day. At least I would have a delectably enticing reminder of why I smell like you… all… day… long… 

He drew his last words out slowly as he leaned closer and watched the crimson tide wash across her face. No tide had ever been blessed with such beauty. He couldn't help the chuckle that escaped at her nervous fidgeting hands as he finally reached his destination just half a breath away from her ear. 

"…and my day will be so much more enjoyable with this vision of you… asleep… in my arms… dreaming… about me. Care to give me another visual to take to work with me?" 

He laughed with amused fascination, as he watched her quick nervous retreat from the carnal pleasure she was finding a little too enjoyable considering their close proximity. Upon hearing his laughter though, she quickly settled an expression of matter-of-factness on her face to hide the evidence her pleasure. He caught himself wondering just how many sleepless nights she must have spent trying to figure out ways to stop the tell-tale nervous ramblings he was somehow beginning to predict. Even more interesting to him in that moment though was just how long her current ramble would last. 

"And just why would I care to give you anything to make your day easier? It won't phase me in the least if you decide to torture yourself all day long with this sick fascination you have with what I smell like. And just for your information all you need is a bar of soap if you really want to smell like a girl all day long. But why any man would want to smell like a girl is totally beyond my realm of understanding." 

Standing to follow her out, he laughed at her further attempts to hide the blush that remained on her face and couldn't help further teasing her. 

"Alexis, don't you think you may have used a bit too much makeup this morning? Your face looks a bit redder than usual or are you just a bit embarrassed at being in the same _bedroom_ with me?" 

Without any warning he suddenly found himself being shoved off his feet to land flat on his back on the bed. Looking up, he became a mass of raging schoolboy hormones at the picture of her standing over him with an impish smile of her own peeking out at him. Somewhere between his teasing and her attempts to regain her emotional equilibrium, Cameron found himself looking into the eyes of a woman who was definitely in control and knew how to use her effect on him as a weapon. She leaned down suggestively propping herself up with one hand on each side of him bringing her face so close that he could feel every breath she took. A shiver passed through him at her seductively whispered words. 

"I think I've had a lot more practice keeping my, shall we say, appetites under control than you have. So don't get the idea that I'm easy by any means. Just because I've allowed your hands to take certain liberties with my person… I do believe, if I tried hard enough, I could render you speechless with very little effort on my part and still keep my own… how shall I put this… 

She leaned down further until her lips lightly brushed his ear and finished her verbal assault on him. 

"Ah yes… and still keep my own rather robust appetite from causing you too much discomfort." 

Her words left him speechless and fighting desperately to gain control of the fire that was quickly converging into one area of his body. As she drew back, she proved the truth of her words. 

"Then again, it appears as though it doesn't take more than just a few well placed heated suggestive words to render you incapable of coherent thought." 

He helplessly watched her slow retreat and found he couldn't move or speak. His throat was dry, his knees were weak, and there wasn't a hint of oxygen in his lungs. She walked out with a victorious grin on her beautiful face and it took him a few minutes before he could shake off the very evident arousal her sweet hot breathe had elicited from his body. Breathlessly he spoke to an empty room. "You may have won the battle this time, Alexis. But, the war belongs to me." 

Standing up he looked back at the disheveled bed then at the door she had just walked out of and allowed the release of one final resigning thought… "Hell, who am I kidding. Best just to surrender now. She won the battle before I ever raised the bugle to sound the 'charge'." 

**************** 

Following Alexis out, Cameron looked at his watch and instead of turning toward the kitchen for breakfast, he headed to her desk and sat down picking up the phone. Playtime was over for now. It was time to get back to the business of reuniting Alexis and Kristina. Picking up the phone and dialing quickly he looked up briefly to find her standing next to him with a cup of coffee and smiled at the question written across her face. Lifting a finger to ask her to wait a moment, he made a quick grab for her as she turned to go. Gently pulling her back to him, he didn't have time to explain before his call was answered on the other end. 

"Hi, Gail. It's Cameron. Got a minute?" 

The eager expectation that lit Alexis' face caused a flood of happiness to infuse him and as he began to release his hold on her hand she turned her wrist quickly to hang onto him as she leaned against the desk in anticipation. 

"Yes, I'm doing fine. But, I have this lady friend of mine who is very impatient to know how things are proceeding and I was hoping you might have some news. Is there anything you can tell us yet?" 

Her grip on his hand was becoming quite painful, so cradling the phone on his shoulder he reached toward his imprisoned hand and gently pried her fingers loose stretching his own to coax the feeling back into them. He winked at her whispered apology while reaching for her with both hands to turn her around and pull her back to him to sit comfortably on his lap. He grabbed the phone that was slipping off his shoulder just as Gail's last comment pulled his attention back to her. 

"How did that go? …. Can you see any problem areas?" 

Alexis' curiosity to see the reactions on his face caused by the conversation he was having got the best of her and forgetting the unease of finding herself perched on his lap, shifted further around to be able to see his face fully. His welcome smile sent her blood racing. 

"I see. So you have everything you need? … Do you have any idea when that will be?" 

"That soon?" 

Cameron looked up at Alexis and felt his heart melt at the confident patient trust he saw in her eyes. As much as he enjoyed having her so close though, her wiggling around on his lap needed to stop… and soon. 

"Thank you, Gail for everything you're doing for us. And yes, we'll be ready when you need us to be." 

Disconnecting the call, he handed the phone to Alexis and sat there a minute without saying anything knowing that his silence was driving her mad. A slow teasing grin began to appear on his lips until she grabbed hold of his ear and yanked. 

"Owww. What did you do that for?" 

"Cameron Lewis, don't you dare tease me over something this important." 

"Ok. Ok. I'm sorry. But, I just love to see you get so animated." 

"I'll animate you if you don't tell me right now what Gail said." 

Cameron placed his arm under her knees and rose from the chair taking her with him holding her cradled in his arms. He wanted her close when he told her the news. 

"Gail hand delivered her report to Farmer late yesterday afternoon. When she checked her e-mail this morning there was a message from Judge Marks that he would be taking over your case immediately." 

With the mention of Marks name, Alexis' face fell instantly forcing Cameron to put her down as concern spread across his face when she stepped away from him. 

"Cameron, he's a tough one. The toughest I've ever come across. This is not good for us." 

With a smug knowing grin he reached for her and pulled her back to him then locked his fingers behind her trapping her within the circle of his arms. 

"No, Alexis. This is good news for us. Gail's percentage of wins with this guy is as good as it gets. He knows her and he knows what Farmer's been up to. According to Gail, Judge Marks taking over your case is the best we could have hoped for. Gail is pushing this through fast and she is very optimistic. Right now she's putting together a profile of your case, from the beginning; that will also include a copy of all my files as well as everything the police have. DA Baldwin was not happy with his stepmother at all. Seems he wasn't prepared to have his office ransacked last night for anything having to do with you or the Q's. Marks signed a search warrant immediately after his first contact with Gail. It doesn't look good for the idiot to say the least. Anyway once she has everything together she'll courier it to Marks this afternoon. The only set back is, Marks agreed not to go after Baldwin for anything found in his office. Gail didn't have it in her to go after the boy directly. Baldwin doesn't know anything about that part of the deal so you might say she has him walking a pretty precarious tight rope right now." 

"I don't care about Scott, Cameron. What happens now?" 

"We wait until Gail calls. She figures Marks will want to talk to both of us and we have to be ready when she calls. We may not have much notice before being summoned to the courthouse. So you're going to have to stand on ready, Alexis." 

Alexis stepped back forcing Cameron to let go of her then moved to sit down on the sofa crossing her legs, her face a study of concentration. He followed and sat down beside her within arms reach. 

"What's wrong, angel?" 

Folding her arms she glanced quickly at him then down to her foot idly swinging back and forth. 

"If Scott has been alerted to Gail's involvement then you can bet Edward, Ned and Skye know what's going on. Ned is not going to sit still without raising a hellacious fit over what we are doing and you can just imagine how Skye is going to react." 

Cameron reached across and laying his arm along the back of the sofa ran his fingers through her hair then dropped his hand to her shoulder. 

"I'm sure Ned probably does know what we're up to by now. But it doesn't matter, Alexis. He doesn't have a leg to stand on." 

"Cameron, you and I know that and he knows that. I can't afford for anyone else to know that right now. Least of all that filth he's been cozying up to. If Ned begins to feel he's losing the battle, there's no telling what he might do just to hurt me for taking Kristina away from him. And if Skye were to find out that Ned is not Kristina's father… I shudder to think what would happen." 

"Hey, let's not borrow trouble. We have enough to deal with right now without all the what-ifs. You need to prepare yourself to go before Marks and detail the truth. Alexis, you are going to have to lay it all out for him beginning with the loss of your sister. You can't leave anything out and you can't give him a load of bull. Gail and I will be right there with you to back you up. With my testimony, her files from Scott's office, and her in home visit report, I can't see us not walking out of there without full custody of Kristina." 

Alexis shifted nervously then looked up at Cameron with trepidation. 

"It's too easy, Cameron. There's something about it that just sounds too easy." 

"Angel, you're forgetting one of the most important weapons in your arsenal." 

She looked at him curiously then her eyes rounded as she remembered the documents he handed her in the foyer of the Quartermaine mansion. She jumped up and raced to her desk quickly opening the file drawer sharply. Reaching inside she twisted her wrist upward searching for her lock box key. Finding it quickly she peeled the tape down freeing the key. Glancing toward Cameron, she raised the key and stated emphatically. 

"You never saw that." 

"No. I'd swear I never did." 

She turned and approached the china cabinet and opened the bottom compartment and pulled out her lock box then returned to sit down beside Cameron. She ran her hands over the top of the metal box as if it contained the secrets to the world and let her gaze find him again. 

"How will I ever be able to thank you for all you've done for me, Cameron? I've had friends most of my life, but none of them have stood by me the way you have. Not one of them would have gone to the lengths you have to help me get my daughter back." 

He reached toward her and slid his hand down the back of her head capturing a hand full of hair and watched it slowly sift through his fingers. Repeating the action once more he let his hand fall to rest at the nape of her neck and caressed her lightly with his fingertips pulling her eyes and attention fully to him. 

"Alexis, what you and I do for each other, we do because we care about each other. Look what you did for me last night. There's a connection between us that neither one of us was prepared for and we're still working out the mechanics of it. Once we have Kristina home, you and I need to sit down and talk. Away from the cares of this fish bowl we live in. I want us to take little Kristina out to the cabin and spend a few days together. Just the three of us and see if we can start distancing ourselves from all of the chaos and maybe find a way to be together without all the constant upheaval. Will you promise me we can at least try to do that? I mean get away… just the three of us. I know you're not capable of looking to the future yet and it's perfectly understandable given what you've been through. But, I've caught brief glimpses of a woman who is self-assured, confident of her abilities and possesses a spirit of determination that defies anything I've ever seen before. I want to know more about that woman. I want to see more of that woman and I want to know what it's going to take to bring her back. Everything up until now has been a matter of reaction on your part. Every step you've taken has been to react to an outside force. You need to turn that around, angel. You need time to readjust… to start calling the shots instead of dodging them." 

He waited for her response not knowing how she would react to his idea. She was twisting her rings with a studious expression on her face. She stopped her movement and looked up at him. 

"Just the three of us?" 

"Just the three of us." 

"Without any outside interference?" 

"Without any outside interference." 

"No phones, no appointments, no unplanned visitors…?" 

"None of the above." 

"No Ned, No Skye, no Edward… no one but just us. Just you, me and my daughter." 

"That's the plan." 

He watched a small tear fall from the corner of her eye and reached to take hold of her hand. He didn't need to say anything; he could tell the idea was appealing to her on so many different levels. The only one he was unsure of was the concept of his man to her woman and the attraction that lay smoldering between them. 

"Could that really be possible, Cameron? I mean could we really hide out for a few days away from all this mess. Just forget Port Charles ever existed for a while?" 

"All you have to do is say yes, angel. And once we have your baby girl in your arms, we are out of town faster than you can say go." 

He saw her slowly reach for him and as her hand slipped behind his head she pulled him to her laying her lips against his cheek. She stayed with him longer than he expected and he felt the wetness of her tear transfer to his face and his heart clutched. When she finally pulled away her tender smile lit the darkest corner of the room and with a voice as quiet as could be… 

"I'm almost afraid to hope that this will all end as you say it will, but it's been a long time since anyone championed a cause so vigorously for me. So if everything goes as you say it will, I think I'll take you up on that offer, Dr. Lewis. I need time to recuperate and regroup and I need to find out more about the man who is saving my life." 

No sooner did she complete her sentence than they both leaped from the sofa at the thunderous assault on her door. 

**__**

"ALEXIS, OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW. ALEXIS? I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE. OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR BEFORE I BREAK IT DOWN."


	23. Chapter 23

**_Chapter 23_**

Alexis started toward the door when she felt Cameron's hand on her arm stopping her. 

"Alexis, let me handle this.  We don't know when we're going to be called to the courthouse and I don't think it's a good idea for you to meet the judge after having had it out with Ashton.  Please, let me deal with him now and you can have him later if you still think it's necessary." 

Knowing he was right, Alexis nodded once.

"I'll stay out of it as much as I can, but if he goes too far Cameron, don't get in my way.  After all, it is my daughter we're fighting for." 

"I understand, angel.  And I'll support your decision all the way." 

She reached up and touched his cheek softly with a hint of teasing in her eye. 

"I don't know how I got so lucky with you.  Just think, I have my own built in support system right in the middle of my living room."  As she walked toward her bedroom he heard her mumble in disbelief as she shook her head back and forth, "Imagine that." 

He chuckled and waited until she was out of the room before going to open the door.  As he opened it, he had to step back quickly to keep the door from slamming into him.  Settling an amused expression on his face he leaned back against the closed door and taunted Ned. 

"Looking for someone, Ashton?" 

"Where's Alexis?" 

"She's currently unavailable." 

"She damn well better be available to me if she ever wants to see her daughter again." 

Cameron ignored the threat and hoped Alexis would do the same instinctively knowing she was only out of eyesight, but well within range to hear everything that was said.  Straightening and moving closer to Ned, he gazed at the man with condescension. 

"Such the spoiled little rich kid.  What's wrong. Ned?  Afraid your upright, above reproach family won't hold up to the scrutiny of a judge who can't be bought? You know you amaze me, Ned.  If I didn't know better, I'd think you were prone to indulge in self-martyring delusional fantasies.  As it is, I think you've just chosen to disregard the fact that you've virtually stolen a child from her mother just to satisfy your own warped ideas of what's morally right and wrong; or maybe you've just decided to use the child to avenge yourself for the losses you think you've suffered at the hands of the mother.  You've had any number of opportunities to aide Alexis in spending more time with her daughter, but instead you keep allowing all sorts of barriers to be placed between them by anyone who has a grudge against Alexis." 

"I've done nothing except protect my daughter from her psycho mother." 

"You're daughter, Ned?  Not a good idea to use that one on me.  It's lost all credibility among those who actually know the truth." 

"So, she told you." 

"Yes, but it would only have been a matter of time before you let the cat out of the bag yourself." 

"I would never discuss my child's paternity with you." 

"And why would you since I have never met your daughter.  But, your actions regarding Alexis and **_her_** daughter speak volumes.  And if you don't mind, I have a question for you.  When did you decide to ignore what you know of Alexis to begin this little campaign to destroy her?" 

"What the hell are you talking about?  I've always cared about Alexis.  She knows that." 

"She knows nothing of the kind, Ned.  Let's take a look at just a small part of what you've actually accomplished over the last year to debilitate a woman you professed to care about.  For starters… considering the history you have with Alexis, you choose to believe without question, that she would murder someone under the guise of an alternate personality proving that you've never had a clue who she was to begin with. You made no effort whatsoever to support her when you thought she was mentally incapacitated.  You've threatened and bullied her to force her to yield to your machinations.  You've ignored her requests about the care of her child, forcing her to take drastic measures just to catch brief glimpses of the one person in her life that has truly belonged to her.  You put yourself into a precarious situation, which allowed your family to strip you of custody of the child… a child that she placed into your arms trusting you to do right by her. You allow a woman with a definite personal agenda to influence your decisions regarding the child at the express request of the mother to keep the child away from said woman.  At every turn you have proven to this child's mother that you care nothing about her or her concerns regarding a child that has never belonged to you." 

"You don't have the right to discuss Alexis with me, Lewis.  You've proven yourself to be just as irresponsible as she has." 

As Ned attempted to bypass him on his way to find Alexis, Cameron stepped in front of him. 

"Ned, to get to Alexis, you will have to go through me and I'm not finished with you by any stretch of the imagination.  Take one more step outside of this living room I will stop you by any means necessary." 

"You're threatening me?" 

"I'll do whatever it takes to protect Alexis.  Given what I've heard regarding your history with her, it amazes me that you don't share the same feeling.  What did she do that was so appalling that would cause you to turn on her so completely?" 

"I'm just trying to protect my daughter…" 

"Again with _your_ daughter, Ned?" 

Both men turned hearing her cold measured voice at the door leading to her bedroom. 

"Why don't we settle this once and for all.  Kristina is **_my_** daughter and her father is Sonny Corinthos… a fact that you seem incapable of grasping.  Why is that, Ned?  It's just you, me and Cameron now… Why don't you explain to me why you have such difficulty in understanding the concept that my daughter has never belonged to you?  You thrust yourself into a situation that was none of your business, and I have done nothing but pay the price for it ever since.  Granted I went along with you because it seemed the only way out at the time, but ever since then you have forced yourself on me in ways that have abused, manipulated, played upon and just about destroyed our friendship.  Why Ned?" 

"What the HELL are you talking about?  I've done nothing but try to clean up the mess you made when you decided to jump into bed with that criminal." 

A red haze of anger infused Alexis causing her blood pressure to rise dramatically.  Taking a step closer to him, her voice grew colder and sharper, slicing the air with every word she spoke. 

"You never could resist dictating to me how I should live my life and with whom I should call friend.  You pushed your way into every aspect of my life and made it impossible for us to maintain any kind of a normal relationship.  So thank you, Ned.  Thank you so very much for saving butting into my business and claiming my daughter as your own.  You might find it interesting to know that I have nothing but regret at having allowed you anywhere near me since this whole farce began.  For years I have sat back and allowed you to spew your self-indulgent views on me… well I'm done. You did yourself proud this time.  It has been such a rewarding experience working with you on this recent endeavor.  Who else could I have worked so closely with and obtained such stunning results?  I mean what does it really matter that the only person who ever truly belonged to me was stripped from me at birth and has yet to spend one night in her own bed with her own mother.  In fact, I think that's what happens to be causing you the most problem.  I am Kristina's mother.  It is my right to decide what is allowed where she is concerned and that is just something you're not comfortable with on any level.  You couldn't hang on to your 5 or is it 6 wives, your own daughter is outside your realm of influence, you couldn't hang on to me or my sister and now that you seem to be losing control of the situation where my daughter is concerned you think you have the right to force yourself into my home as though you are entitled to be here.  You're afraid of losing your hold on my daughter and you can't handle it so you come here.  What? To make Alexis suffer a little more.  Is that it, Ned? Is that why you've barged into my home unwanted and uninvited.  What absolute audacity you show in coming here and throwing your weight around as if you owned me.  Did you ever really know me at all Ned, or were you just lonely and wanted to play house for a while with someone?" 

She had him and she knew it.  It didn't take much for Ned to know when he was bested, and to find himself being put in his place by Alexis… he crumbled reverting back to his safe little world of threat and innuendo.   

"You're not going to get away with this, Alexis.  I lost everything when I claimed your daughter to keep her safe from Corinthos.  Everything!" 

"Who asked you to, Ned?  I am not and never have been a gate you had to keep.  I trusted you to take care of my daughter.  But, you are so tied to that dysfunctional group of misfits you call a family, that my daughter has become a bargaining chip, a prize of sorts between all of you.  She deserves better than that.  She deserves better than what you've been able to vicariously provide for her.  And here's a rhetorical question for you.  Just how safe has my daughter been since she's been with you?"   

She turned and started to leave the room and stopped looking back with contempt at the man who once held her heart. 

"Not because it will make any difference or change my views in any way, I actually don't care to hear your answer, but maybe you should consider another question before your head hits the pillow tonight, Ned Ashton.  How does one lose their way to such an extent that he goes from someone like my beautiful sister to the likes of that filth you've hooked up with?" 

"Skye loves Kristina.  Whatever she has done, she's done it to protect Kristina." 

Alexis glanced at Cameron and nodded toward Ned. 

"Cameron, I believe Ned was just leaving?" 

He couldn't help the smile that crossed his face as he started toward Ned. 

"I'' be happy to escort Mr. Ashton out." 

"I mean it Alexis.  You won't get away with this." 

She smiled indulgently as she hopefully delivered a last parting shot. 

"Once the dust settles Ned, maybe I'll call you and we can set up a visitation schedule for you to visit **_my_** daughter… but, then again… maybe not." 

"We'll see what Sonny boy has to say about all this, Alexis.  How do you feel about that?" 

Cameron took hold of Ned's arm and ducked quickly to avoid the fist headed toward his jaw.  Twisting expertly he shoved Ned against the door holding his arm painfully behind his back.  Lifting up an inch more he received the yelp of pain he was looking for. 

"Don't go threatening to take an action that you're not prepared to follow through with.  There will be consequences not only to you but to your family as well.  If you haven't noticed Ned, we're prepared this time and as I said before, I will take whatever action I have to in order for Alexis to bring Kristina home and away from that fright house you call a home.  I would advise you not to risk the welfare of Edward or Lila.  I won't hesitate to take Edward down with the information I have and you know what that will do to your grandmother.  Keep pushing Ned, and I'll see that your family suffers as much as you've made Alexis suffer." 

Cameron caught sight of Alexis moving toward him out of the corner of his eye.  Refusing to let go of Ned for fear of him causing any more damage, he waited to see what she wanted. 

Alexis drew to a standstill close enough for Ned whose head was being held tightly against the door, to see her face.  Her voice carried a harder, colder, more menacing tone. 

"You threaten the safety of a child you profess to care about just because things are not going your way, Ned?  Do you not see why it is so vital for my daughter to be removed from your care?  As you once said to me, I don't care how you feel anymore.  I will do whatever it takes to cut you out of my daughter's life.  And lest you have become so full of yourself to remember a very important piece of information… I was always a Cassadine first.  Be careful, Ned.  Be very careful." 

At his silence, she looked at Cameron and nodded once letting him know she was through with the whole mess. 

Cameron pulled him roughly away from the door opened it then shoved Ned into the hall slamming the door after him.   

"There you go, angel.  Trash all taken care of.  Now I need to make a quick call." 

Turning toward her desk he picked up the phone and raced through the numbers as she stepped up beside him knowing exactly what he was doing.  It was what she would do had he not been there.   

"Gail, Cameron here.  Is there anything you can do to prevent Ned from taking off with Kristina before all of this is resolved?" 

"Can you get it done pretty quick… like within the next half hour?" 

"Yeah, he just left here and the boy is not happy.  I wouldn't put it past him to try and take off." 

Alexis stepped closer and wrapped her arm around Cameron's waist while he finished the call.  She lay her head against his shoulder and as his arm fell to rest across her shoulders he pulled her closer and continued his conversation with Gail. 

"I would imagine Scott has been running his mouth.  It's the only way I know of that Ashton could have known what we were up to so soon… that is unless you have any ideas…. Your right, she could very well have been the culprit.  If that's the case… can it work to our advantage?" 

He let his hand slide to the middle of Alexis' back as he concentrated on his conversation with Gail, and idly moved his hand up and down her back in a gesture of support and comfort in case she was getting worried or impatient.  His next thought caused him to look down at her for a moment before taking the plunge into an area he knew he should probably steer clear of considering the highly disciplined control oriented woman standing beside him. 

"Gail, if I yell in the next minute or two just ignore it, but I have a question that may not sit too well with the object of your latest case…. I doubt that very seriously.  She tends to frown on people sticking their nose into her business, but I'm going to stick my neck out here and hope for the best.  Is there a way for a new DNA test to be done proving that Ned has no rights where the child is concerned and have those results sealed as a way of taking him completely out of the picture?  We need a way of deterring him from further attempts to threaten Alexis with information that could cause damage to both mother and daughter." 

Alexis moved away from him and settled herself on the sofa refusing to look at him.  He couldn't tell if she was angry or not by the mask she settled firmly in place.  Gail's response took the wind from his lungs. 

"She did?"  Cameron cut his eyes toward Alexis.  "No, she didn't impart that bit of news to me. Was Lee successful?  Yeah, I'll let her know.  Thanks Gail and we'll wait for your call.  Bye." 

He looked up from cradling the phone just in time to see her hide a smile behind her hand. 

"You called Gail yesterday afternoon, Alexis?" 

"Yes.  I thought it was high time I began to take care of a few things myself… you know, start acting like a mother with rights who is capable of making intelligent decisions. After I talked with Gail I spoke to Lee. I find it quite ironic that Scott's parents are helping me get my daughter back.  Quite ironic!  Was he able to get the order signed?" 

"Yes, he filed it just a few minutes ago and a copy of it and the penalties surrounding the disclosure of certain information is currently on its way to Mr. Ned Ashton.  It should reach the mansion just about the time he does, as well as a court order keeping him from leaving town with a certain bright-eyed beauty you seem to be quite taken with." 

Taking a seat beside her he reached out and tweaked her nose causing her to laugh gently. 

"It seems that old adage 'great minds think alike' actually does have some merit after all." 

"It would seem so." 

******************* 

Twenty-four hours later, Alexis found herself standing in front of Cameron's office door about to knock when it suddenly opened causing her to step back.  The question on his face caused her to grin sheepishly. 

"I've never been any good at waiting when it comes to my daughter." 

He leaned against the doorjamb and returned her smile. 

"Now there's something I never would have imagined you to willingly confess." 

Reaching for her, he took her hand into his own and guided her into his office closing the door behind them.  Motioning toward the couch he followed her and sat down beside her. 

"It's getting to you, isn't it Alexis?" 

"Yeah.  I keep waiting for something bad to happen.  You know, Ned leaving town with Kristina, Judge Marks siding with Ned, all my hopes flying out the window.  You get the picture." 

"Yes, I get the picture.  But, as it happens, I was just on my way to see you." 

"You were?" 

"Yes.  I thought you might like to take a ride with me down to the courthouse." 

His heart jumped at the expectation on her face and then clutched at the hint of fear that leapt into her eyes.  She was so afraid to let go and allow hope to have its way. 

"The court… Is it… Did he…" 

Cameron moved closer and put his arm around Alexis and took hold of her hand with his other. 

"Yes… The courthouse.  Yes… it's time.  And yes… Marks wants to see us.  Are you ready, Alexis?  Got all your 'i's' dotted; 't's' crossed?" 

She began to tremble underneath his arm and he pulled her closer wrapping her within the comfort of his arms. 

"It's okay, Alexis.  This is just the next step.  This just means we are one step closer to bringing Kristina home." 

"I'm so scared, Cameron.  What if it doesn't… I mean what if he… I can't even say it." 

"You don't need to say it, angel because it doesn't matter.  All you have to do is tell the truth and don't leave out any of the details no matter how damning they may sound to you.  Just be yourself and tell him the truth.  If he can see what I see, then we'll walk away with the jackpot.  Just give him the real Alexis Davis, mother… woman… attorney at law.  Just let him see the you that I see." 

"And if that's not enough?" 

"It will be, sweetness.  You are more than enough for any man under any circumstance.  And since I'm speaking from experience you have no choice but to believe me.  Now, put on some of that determination and courage and let's go take that next step together."


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24 

It was a grueling session that lasted 4 hours and the three who finally walked out of the judge's chambers were exhausted.  Cameron looked down at Alexis who seemed to be numb from the experience.  She was silent and stared straight ahead seemingly mindless of the activity surrounding her.  Something was definitely wrong with Alexis. 

Alexis knew from the start, given the judges first comments, that no part of her life would be safe from his prying eyes. 

"Miss Davis, from the mass of files that I have studied regarding the activities of all concerned over the past year, you are going to have a hard time proving to me that the child in question should indeed be placed with you rather than left in the Quartermaine home or placed in a foster home. I think I have a good idea of how custody of the child was laundered through to Edward Quartermaine.  And that order will be rescinded by the end of the day tomorrow at which time I will decide where the child will be placed.  So, this is the way we are going to proceed this afternoon.  Start from the beginning and tell me as briefly and honestly as you can the what, why and where of how you managed to end up in this situation." 

At his request, Alexis began to recreate her life of the past two years.  For two hours she opened all the little compartments of mind and heart freely giving what no one else had been privy to as she fought every day to stay in control of her life and her daughter's.  She spoke of her love for her sister and the loss that crippled her emotionally for a while. She laid out a lifetime of loss and the lessons learned from trusting the wrong people. She talked of bad choices and relationships that fell by the wayside.  Of finding herself alone with a child on the way and how every want, need or desire was abandoned until there was nothing left except bringing that life safely into the world.  She talked of people who hated so much that nothing in life was sacred.  When it could no longer be put off, she detailed a late night excursion to warn off a man who represented everything she had ever lost and seemed to be targeting a baby who lay fighting for her life.  Detail by detail she graphed out the events of that night and the slow fall that took a life which in turn began her own slow fall into a private hell.  As she began the tale of a desperate woman's need to hold on to and protect a fragile child… her head bowed and her voice took on a tone of regret and repentance.  Regret for bad choices and repentance for taking advantage of a judicial system that she had depended on and built her life around. 

Her contrition was not lost on the judge and that alone made more of an impression than anything verbally related so far. Although her regret was genuine, Alexis knew from experience, that if a judge or jury could not hear or see evidence of regret for mistakes made, no matter how many facts and visual aides were presented; one would stand a better chance of winning a custody case with the flip of a coin. 

Finally completing her recitation of the events as she knew them she took a deep breath, sat back and waited.  Nothing else was left to reveal.  Her hearts hunger, her souls regret, her minds reasoning… she gave it all for the sake of her daughter.  She wasn't prepared for the questions that followed. 

"All right Miss Davis, now that we have the facts, let's see if we can get a little closer to a few truths that you seem to have left out.  First, since I already have a pretty good idea of the answer, I doubt you will surprise me given your past associations.  So, without hedging, who is the child's natural father?" 

Cameron quickly interrupted before Alexis could speak. 

"Your honor, Miss Davis has valid reasons for wanting to keep the paternity of her daughter confidential.  Is it really necessary that it be an issue at this moment?" 

Cold disapproving eyes met his own. 

"Dr. Lewis, you might find it interesting that I reluctantly agreed to your presence in my chambers this afternoon.  In fact, the only reason you're here is because Dr. Baldwin feels that your presence will lend considerable support to Miss Davis as I pick apart her life.  So if you don't mind, I'll let you know if and when I need to hear from you." 

Neither the judge nor Gail missed Alexis reaching out and taking hold of Cameron's hand.  But, as Gail was sitting behind them it was left to the judge to observe just how much Alexis cared for Cameron.  Her eyes told a story the judge had not witnessed first hand in a long time.  His eyes softened a little as he gave Alexis his full attention. 

"If you would, Miss Davis; please..." 

"Your honor, if you do suspect who the father is, then I'm sure you can understand my hesitation in voicing it publicly.  May I request that my answer be accepted off the record and that it not leave the confines of this room?" 

"I am asking for my own purposes, Miss Davis.  If no surprises pop up and everything falls as I think it will, all records regarding this session will be sealed permanently." 

"Thank you, your honor.  My… um… my daughter's biological father is Michael Corinthos, Jr." 

"Thank you for being honest with me, Miss Davis.  You've satisfied my hunch.  Now, even though we both understand his line of work, I want you to explain to me why you felt the need to keep your child a secret from him." 

It irritated Alexis that with everything she had already given, she was being asked to bring Sonny's world into the conversation.  She understood why; it just irritated her to have to focus her thoughts on a man whose very image still had the ability to cause her pain. 

"If you understand his line of work, then I would assume you also understand my need to keep my child safe from his world." 

"Watch your tone, Miss Davis.  I'm merely trying to understand why a woman who knew and understood such a man would all of a sudden find herself carrying his child.  And also, why would you ask me to grant custody of this child to you when your past choices would seem to indicate a lack of intelligence and common sense.  Especially in regard to the people you allow in your life, and those you might allow into the child's life in the future should I grant you custody.  How do I know that this child won't end up a victim of another war on the docks or another needless casualty just as your sister did?" 

Alexis felt Cameron begin to rise to her defense again and just as he opened his mouth to defend her she pulled him back down. 

"Stop, Cameron.  He has ever right to question my actions.  Thank you for trying to protect me, but he has made quite a valid point and I have to answer it… if not for him, then for myself." 

She waited for Cameron to settle back down then looked directly into Judge Marks' eyes. 

"You're right, I have made some very poor choices in my life.  I chose to disregard what I knew of a dangerous man and put myself into a very vulnerable position.  I will regret my association with that man for the rest of my life.  The only positive outcome of that relationship was my daughter.  Once I learned of her existence I began to measure every aspect of my life against what it would mean to my child.  I could not jeopardize her life by continuing to associate with him." 

"What can you offer this child that could not be provided elsewhere?" 

Alexis shifted uncomfortably in her seat but calmed when she felt Cameron reach for her.  Looking into his eyes she heard his quiet whisper. 

"Just tell him like you would tell me.  Just talk to him, Alexis.  Tell him a story." 

She smiled gratefully then turned back to the judge and taking a deep breath, spoke her heart. 

"It's been a long time since I've allowed myself to admit that maybe my way isn't always the best way and that there are people in this world who are not out solely to line their own pockets, so to speak.  I'm learning that every once in a while it's best to seek the counsel of others rather than barreling through a situation without benefit of an objective sometimes wiser opinion.  Those are principles I would like my daughter to learn.  I want my daughter to be free to voice her opinion whether it lends itself to the more popular side of an issue or not.  I would like for her grow up free of fear, free of domineering well-meaning people who see the world through a narrow tunnel vision.  If she were allowed to grow up knowing that there were no limitations regarding the choices of her life, then there's no telling how far she could go… or what she could eventually accomplish.  I don't want her tied down, or wrapped up in the frills of someone else's idea of who and what she should be.  There is much that she will learn from the adults in her life, but there is also much that I can learn from her as she grows into a woman.  I want that opportunity.  I want the chance to learn from her… from her experiences.  I want to watch her take her first steps into a world that's waiting for someone to stand up and make a difference.  It's her life, her future we are discussing.  It has never been about the rights of the adults around her; Kristina deserves the chance to be free enough to learn, experience and yes, to fail as well.  It is the failures in our life that often teach us the most.  I'm learning that lesson a little too late in life.  My daughter already possesses a profound strength of will… it should not be stifled, but rather guarded and guided; trained to serve rather than be served." 

When she finished she looked down and found her hands slightly shaking.  She couldn't remember a time when she had been so honest in her feelings… except for when… Shaking his offensive image from her mind she looked back up as the judge began talking to her. 

"That's fine, Miss Davis.  Considering what I've heard of your activities lately, I was beginning to wonder where the attorney I grew to admire and welcome into my courtroom escaped to.  I imagined that when I swapped to family court from criminal justice I would find myself missing your refreshing delightful use of our colorful language.  What I have to decide now is whether you're spinning a yarn for me, or whether you actually do believe and intend to act on all that you've just stated should you be allowed to regain custody of your child.  You crossed a line Miss Davis and expertly manipulated the very system you swore to uphold.  And you've always been quite impressive with closing arguments; very impressive." 

Judge Marks leaned back in his chair and studied her intently. 

"I wonder if you're really good enough to have snowed me, Miss Davis?  I have twenty-four hours to decide.  At this point, I have no idea how I am going to decide, but I will tell you that a lot of my decision is going to be based on how you reacted to different situations over the past year.  So for now, you are playing a waiting game.  You're waiting on me.  How do you feel about that, Miss Davis?" 

Alexis returned his intense stare and leaned forward slightly giving her words a little more emphasis. 

"The waiting I can handle; and forgive me if I sound rude or disrespectful, but I'm having a bit of a problem with your reference to any of this being a game, Your Honor." 

"Quite right, Miss Davis.  You're quite right.  You have my sincere apology for my lack of decorum.    As you can see I am not as eloquent with our language as you are.  Thank you for reminding me that even my words have consequences and should be weighed before allowing them to be heard.  In my line of work I too often tend to forget that fact. You'll hear from me by late tomorrow." 

"Thank you, Judge Marks.  We'll be waiting." 

"We, Miss Davis?" 

"Yes; Dr. Lewis, Dr. Baldwin and myself.  That is another one of those lessons I'm trying to learn.  I'm not alone.  I have people who care about what happens to both my daughter and myself." 

Judge Marks shifted his focus to Cameron. 

"…and in some cases seem to be just as willing to abuse the law as yourself, Miss Davis.  Dr. Lewis, if I may.  What possessed you to defy the rules of your profession to support Miss Davis in her illegal activities?" 

Cameron sat back and crossed his legs, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.  He expected to be questioned… wanted to be.  Now he had his chance to defend her to someone who actually seemed to care about the outcome of the case. 

"In the beginning, I fought for the rights of my patient.  A patient I believed was mentally impaired.  When the truth of what really happened was finally revealed to me, I found myself having to answer the same questions you are now faced with.  Was it self-defense, did she act within the best interests of the child, would she fight for the rights of that child no matter the circumstance, was she capable of raising a child on her own without benefit of aide from outside sources?  The more time I spent with her the more I believed in her abilities as a professional, an individual and as a mother… so I did what needed to be done to protect her.  When it came right down to it though, as a physician I was of no help to Miss Davis.  So I tendered my resignation as her psychiatrist in favor of being her friend and lending whatever support I could.  Alexis was being forced to deal with a barrage of tragic circumstances without benefit of a single friend or family member to support her.  Most women… excuse me… most people, if forced into the same situation, would have succumbed a long time ago under the pressure or simply abducted the child and run.  But, she stayed and she has fought day after day after day to bring about the best possible result for her child.  In my opinion, the child would suffer greatly if denied the opportunity of growing up under the care and guidance of Alexis." 

"It would seem that your interest in Miss Davis is more than that of just a friend, Dr Lewis?" 

Cameron looked over at Alexis who refused to look up from her intense interest in the rings she was repeatedly winding around her finger.  He reached over and lay his hand over hers lacing their fingers together to still her nervous fidgeting.  She quickly wrapped her fingers around his and squeezed closing her eyes a moment then re-opened them to stare at their joined hands.   She took a deep calming breath, but still refused to look at him.  He knew she was holding on by sheer willpower now. 

"You're absolutely right, Judge Marks.  I did happen to fall in love with her.  But, that fact does not hinder my ability to offer a sound honest opinion of this case.  It only adds another facet to the many reasons I believe Alexis should be allowed to regain full custody of her child.  I can't imagine myself falling in love with a woman who was not stable or capable of providing a loving nurturing home for a child.  And just to put another spin on all of this for Your Honor to ponder when making your decision.  Five years ago my son ran away from home after watching his brother die senselessly.  Alexis took him in and cared for him without knowing the type of background he came from.  In his own words to me just last night, he credits her for giving him a reason to turn his life around and be the man he is today.  My son trusts her without reservation and so do I.  I only wish she had been around when my other son needed someone to talk to.  She loves my boy and believes in me enough to help us find our way back to a relationship that I failed.  Not only is my son learning how to love and be loved at her knee, but so am I." 

"Thank you for your candid response, Dr. Lewis.  Now, as I think I have everything I need, I will adjourn this meeting and get to the task of deciding what is to become of little Kristina.  By the way Miss Davis, would you happen to have a recent picture of the child?  I think I would like very much like to see whose fate I am being forced to decide." 

************** 

Gail stood with them a moment in the corridor, before going back to her office.  She looked long and hard at Alexis who stood motionless beside her then gave her attention to Cameron.  She stepped closer and wrapped her arm around Alexis' waist and pulled her into a soft gentle hug then released her and turned to Cameron. 

"Take her home, Cameron and stay with her.  As hard as it has been for her since the birth of her child, the hours between now and the call tomorrow will be the most difficult and longest she has yet to endure.  There is nothing she can do now and that will be the hardest thing for her to deal with.  Make her eat something and try to get her to rest as much as possible." 

Putting his arm around Alexis, he turned with her toward the elevator and gently urged her forward. 

"Come on, Angel.  Let's get you home.  We'll wait this thing out together."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

The silence on the drive back to Alexis' place was deafening at times.  No matter what he tried, he couldn't bring her out of the daze she fell into after leaving the judges chambers.  No sound, no tears, no emotional release of any kind met his attempts to reach her.  Entering her apartment, he guided her to the sofa and eased her down into its corner. 

"Do you have any hard liquor in the house, Alexis?" 

When she didn't answer he stood up and began to rummage through the dining room and kitchen.  He found what he was looking for in the cabinet above the refrigerator.  Pouring a shot glass full he returned to sit beside her. 

"Here you go, Alexis.  Drink this for me." 

He lifted the glass to her lips and she obediently began to drink the whiskey he was offering.  Reaching up to take the glass from his hand, she finished the drink and returned the glass to him not flinching once as a river of fire slid down her throat.  Her focus shifted to rest on him as he set the glass on the floor at his feet.  She reached out slowly hesitantly and let her fingertips touch the side of his face.  They lingered there a moment then finally dropped back to her lap.  As a single lonely tear fell she leaned forward covering her face.  Pulling her into his arms he rocked her gently for an hour before attempting to encourage her to talk.  Then taking hold of her arms he separated her from him enough to catch her head between his hands trying to force her eyes to meet his.  She refused preferring to concentrate instead on the rise and fall of his chest. 

"How much of that stuff is it going to take to put you out, angel?" 

Even in silence she couldn't hide the intensity of the despair and anxiety she was feeling.  He needed to know exactly what had caused her to regress as much as she did, but she wasn't ready to talk and he wasn't going to try and force her to do something she was not safe or comfortable with.  The trauma of the hours spent in the judges chambers was enough to cause a meltdown for anyone; but for Alexis, with everything she had been through so far, it amazed him that she was still up and walking.  The flood suddenly came without warning and he drew her back into his arms to comfort and offer whatever solace he could.  When her tears finally subsided he reached down and sliding his arm underneath her knees picked her up and started toward her bedroom. 

"I'm going to take care of you tonight, Alexis.  If I have to get you drunk to get you through the night that's what I'll do, but I'm hoping there is an easier way.  You just relax and let ol' doc do what he does best." 

He gently sat her down on the side of her bed, then turned toward the closet to pull out her robe, then rummaged through her dresser drawers until he found a pair of pajamas.  Returning to sit beside her he took hold of one of her hands with one of his then wrapped his other arm around her waist. 

"I'm not taking advantage of you, Alexis.  I'm just going to help you get dressed for bed.  I'm playing doctor tonight, just like I did a couple of nights ago.  Let me take care of you the way you should have been taken care of all along.  Trust me to do right by you, angel." 

He finally realized how far she had regressed when she finally spoke for the first time since leaving the courthouse. 

"It doesn't matter anymore… nothing matters anymore.  I've lost my daughter." 

Kneeling in front of her he reached for the buttons on her blouse and began to undress her as carefully and innocently as possible, all the while talking calmly to her… speaking reassurances and hope for the future. 

"No angel, you have not lost your daughter.  In fact, I think you may have just won your case with the judge.  You did great today.  You gave him everything he needed to make an informed decision in your favor.  I honestly believe you won today, Alexis.  I don't think anyone could have stated his or her case any better.  It's just a matter of time now, angel.  Just you wait and see." 

Discarding her blouse, he stood her up and unzipped her skirt letting it fall to the floor then coaxed her slip to follow.  Reaching for the pajama bottoms he knelt in front of her and placed one of her hands on his shoulder to balance her then carefully lifted one foot placing his hand on her hip to steady her when she swayed.  When she regained her balance he gently removed her pump and softly set her foot back down into the leg of her pajama bottoms.  Repeating the process with her other foot he then grasped the elastic waistband and pulled her pajamas up into place.  Standing, he guided her back down to sit on the side of the bed then picked up her robe.  Placing it over her shoulders so the back of the garment entirely covered the front of her, he reached around and unclasped her bra with one hand holding the robe in place with his other to prevent any accidental sightings.   Releasing one side of the bra strap from her arm he then proceeded to do the same with the other side.  Once she was free of it he walked around the foot of the bed so that he was behind her and removed the robe while groping blindly for the top of her pajamas.  All the best intentions in the world could not stop his eyes from taking in the span of her back.  It looked so soft and yielding to him; so delicate yet filled with a strength that left him amazed.  Working swiftly, so as not to further entice the beast of pleasure within he began to slip her arms into the sleeves of the top making sure not to offend her modesty or trust.  Crawling up behind her he dropped a leg down on each side of her then reached around and swiftly buttoned it successfully hiding her treasure from his needful eyes.  Arms that ached to hold her found their way around her and he pulled her back to him and leaned her against his shoulder whispering in her ear. 

"I don't believe I've ever been in such a precarious position before with nothing but the purest of intentions.  Do you see what you do to me, angel?  You make me want to be true… a good man… _'to love you good enough on the outside to make you feel it on the inside'_; remember?"  

His soft loving words finally broke through her hail of self-torment and she reached for him.  Her hands came up to cover his and her head rolled toward his neck as rivers of tears flowed down her face. 

"He left me nothing.  There's nothing left to hide.  You know everything now and so does he.  You know how far I'll go to get what I want.  Knowing who I am, how can you still be here?" 

He didn't answer her… she didn't want him to.  All of her energy was focused on punishing herself unmercifully with abusive accusations and a wealth of self-doubt.  A myriad of self-recriminations poured through her mind at a rate no man could follow. 

"How can I expect to be awarded custody of my baby girl with everything that's in my past… everything that I've done? Look at what I've done, Cameron.  Look at the stupid mistakes I've made.  It didn't have to be like this.  If I had been stronger… if I hadn't allowed them to intimidate me… I could have stopped all of this before it went too far. My daughter would never have been taken from me if I had just used my head and worked everything out before acting so rashly." 

She suddenly turned and wrapped one arm around his neck, the other found its way around his back as another flood of grief assailed her.  All he could do was hold her and rock her gently back and forth… just as she would have done for her daughter if she were hurting.  Back and forth, back and forth until time seemed to stand still and when she finally calmed he lifted his hands to gently hold her head between them.  Pulling her away from him, he looked into her eyes and grieved for the pain he saw there.  Kissing her on the forehead he let go and moved away from her. 

"Lay down, angel.  Lay face down and let's see if we can scare some of that tension away.  Come on.  Don't make me beg for crumbs here, sweetness." 

He grinned as he caught a small faint smile cross her lips as she followed his instruction without complaint. 

"Yeah, you don't fool me.  You would just love to hear me beg, wouldn't you?  Watch out though, begging can go both ways." 

A faint ghostly chuckle met his ears then quickly vanished.  Her frown told him that guilt was born at the feet of her unguarded moment of laughter. 

"It's okay, Alexis.  One day there will be so much laughter in this house the memories will be chased into hiding.  You have my word as a doctor on that promise." 

He started with her feet and began to massage away the tension.  Inch by inch he worked up to her calves, then her thighs.  Crawling up he straddled her thighs as he began on her back.  Glancing up to see the effect he was having, he shook his head sadly at the pool of wetness underneath her cheek.  With eyes closed, tear followed tear without sound, without care of being seen.  He doubted she was even aware of her tears.  But his heart felt every one and his soul cried out against the agony he felt for her.  As his hands continued to minister to her, he suddenly caught a faint whisper. 

"Tell me again, angel.  I didn't hear you." 

"Talk to me, Cameron." 

"About what, sweetness." 

"Anything.  I don't care, just talk to me." 

He understood.  She needed something to focus on; anything except the empty room next door or the phone beside the bed.  So he talked never once stopping the gentle touch of his hands across her back, shoulders and arms. 

"There's this hobby I used to have back in my younger days when I thought myself quite the ladies man.  Sometimes it really worked to my advantage, and sometimes I fell flat on my face.  It's been a long time since I've tried this, so you have to promise not to laugh." 

She peeked at him over her shoulder and frowned with curiosity. 

"Alright, since you have definitely aroused my interest; I promise not to laugh." 

Cameron reached up to run his hand through her hair brushing it away from her face then lay down beside her, propping his head on his hand.  He wanted nothing to hinder his view of her face. 

"Ok then, here goes."  He took a deep calming breath and began. 

_  "With hopeless regret I set my love upon a shelf. _

_  With one final lingering gaze I slowly turn and walk away. _

_  Such wealth of love found not a resting place  _

_  Within this aged and weary heart of stone. _

_      Yet, in eventide when day yields itself with grace, _

_      The sweet call of abandoned love finds the wind to carry a whisper _

_      "Come home, O wandering soul to 'she' who waits and wanders. _

_      Come rest O heart of stone. Rest with one who waits for your return." _

_  Amidst a timid yearning hope I return to a shelf of long forsaken love _

_  With fear of want, I seek to find this 'she' who waits and wanders._

_  Cold stone warms beneath the shadow of her smile and there I find _

_  My heart, my hope, my life; safe with she who waits for my return."_

He waited holding his breath to hear her response.  Her eyes had closed during his recitation and he couldn't see her reaction.  Did she understand?  Were the words clear enough for her to know what he was talking about?  He watched silently as her eyes finally opened and found him waiting. 

"Reciting poetry, Cameron?  You're just a bundle of surprises, aren't you?  Where did you come across that particular piece?" 

He drew a deep sigh and let it out slowly.  She wasn't ready for his heart.  How could she be?  He railed against himself for picking such an inopportune time to speak his heart when hers was being torn apart.  How could he have been so insensitive?  'Ok you imbecile,' he thought, 'get out of it the best way you can without causing her any further upset'.  Masking his irritation at himself he settled a look of teasing on his face and winked at her. 

"Oh you know me, Alexis; anything to distract a lady.  Actually, I made that up just now.  See the idea was to see just how far I could get with the girls using a few cheap lines of prose.  Most of the time I failed miserably when trying it on some of the more popular girls.  But, there was this one time…" 

She turned over to rest on her side and propped her head on her hand just as he did moments before.  Her quiet whisper sent chills racing across his skin. 

"Cameron, I'm not a silly school girl and you needn't try to hide just how much of your heart was clearly exposed within those lines.  And since my response was not what you were waiting for, I imagine you've berated yourself unmercifully for being insensitive to my current frame of mind." 

He couldn't answer her.  It stunned him to know that she could read him so well.  His focus was suddenly drawn to the warmth of her hand reaching to find him.  Her fingers began to hesitantly curve around the third button of his shirt and she pulled on it once to make sure she had his complete attention.  His only hope in that moment was that she couldn't feel the magnified beat of a heart that only survived through the constant craving of her touch.  

"Please listen to me, Cameron.  If it were another place, another time, you and I might have been able to be together.  But, I can't ask you to continue to put your life on hold for me.  I'm not ready for a relationship.  I don't know that I ever will be again.  My life hasn't been easy.  I survived the deaths of my mother and my sister.  I survived being raised in a house of hate run by a madwoman.  I've survived broken hearts and broken promises.  I've even managed to make a decent life for myself in spite of everything.  I struggled for a while but eventually proved that I can hold my own in the world… or at least I could until… when they took my daughter from me… when they used her against me… threatened her safety… I lost my way, Cameron.  But each time I was at my lowest… every moment that I felt I couldn't survive anymore… you were there.  You put your arms around me and somehow I found the strength to go on.  You have been my savior these past months and I want you to know that.  I want you to know just how much I have come to depend on your strength and your support.  I could never hope to repay you for what you've done for me… what your presence in my life has meant to me.  But you've done your time… you've given more than I had any right to ask or expect.  And I can't ask you to continue to stay with me when I can't reassure you that I will eventually get to a place where I can return your feelings.  And no matter what happens tomorrow… if… if… Judge Marks rules against me; you will be the only one I know I can reach out to and trust that I won't grab a handful of air.  But, I need you to promise me something, Cameron." 

"What's that, angel?" 

"If he does rule against me… if he takes my baby away from me… don't… don't follow me.  Don't try to find me… just let me go away for awhile." 

"You don't expect me to believe that you are going to give up the fight for Kristina, do you?" 

"I don't expect you to believe anything and I never said a word about giving up.  What I did ask is that you leave me alone for a while.  Please just let me have that much, Cameron." 

He stared into her eyes for a moment and saw nothing but sadness.  He knew in his heart her words were only an attempt to push him away.  He didn't believe them any more than she did.  Alexis was trying to distance herself from him so that when the time came, she could walk away… hopefully without looking back to see him standing alone waiting for her to come back to him.  He had to hold on to her… make her see… understand. 

"Alexis, you know I can't do that.  After everything we've been through together… you know I can't just let you walk away from me.  I can't do it, angel.  As much as you know in your heart you couldn't survive without little Kristina, I won't survive without you.  I need you, Alexis.  I need you in my life." 

"Cameron without my daughter I'm only half a woman.  I would be of no use to you.  If I can't give you everything, it's best for you if you have nothing.  You deserve a woman who can give to you as much as you give to her.  I'm not the right woman for you, Cameron." 

He leaned toward her and placing his hand in the curve of her neck slid his fingers into her hair and pulled her toward him.  Just as his lips met hers, he whispered, "You are the only woman for me." 

He lingered for a moment knowing that he was taking a chance on another round of forced rejection from her.  Their conversation was not one that needed to be dealt with on this particular night.  She was not equipped emotionally to separate herself from the fear of losing her daughter to concentrate on the possibility of a relationship with him.  He needed to change the subject… and fast.  Pulling away he gazed at her and finished his thought before ending the discussion.  

"And I'm not going anywhere, anytime soon.  So you might as well just resign yourself to having a shadow for a very long time to come.  Now, come on.  You look hungry and I'm starving." 

He sat up quickly and taking hold of her wrist pulled her up to stand beside him.  Before releasing her he leaned down to lay a soft kiss on her temple.   

"No more serious stuff tonight, Alexis.  Maybe we should go ahead and empty the liquor cabinet like I suggested earlier, what do you say to that?" 

Dropping an arm across her shoulders he hesitated a moment as she looked up at him with a faint gleam of mischief in her eyes. 

"First you recite poetry and now you want to get me drunk?  Cameron, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to seduce me." 

"Nah, you're just sliding into that fantasy world of yours again where I'm the star." 

She popped him on the arm as he guided her out of the bedroom laughing at the blush that raced across her face.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Dreams.  Sometimes filled with laughter and inexpressible joy.  Sometimes filled with rage or at times paralyzing fear.  But, always filled with that which preys on the mind in the light of day.  Dreams.  Little boys chasing each other around a back yard… running in and out of the forced spray of hosed water.  Laughing and shouting at the thrill of being away from the cares of the world.  A precious little baby… spirited away in a mass of confusion… shrouded beneath the tears of love and loss.  A gentle loving woman growing smaller, fading from view… fading into a gray haze as time steals hope; vanishing as fingers stiff with fear reach out too slowly and meet the icy chill of a brick wall of mist.  A last faint cry falling upon deaf ears as hope is suddenly stilled by death. 

Bolting upright, one whispered name forced itself past his stupor of fear.  

"Alexis." 

Cold sweat poured from his face and body.  His hand reached for her quicker than his eyes could find her and touched down on the coolness of the sofa beside him.  Gone.  She was gone.  It seemed only moments before that he was finally able to coax her into a troubled sleep.  Looking at his watch proved that two hours had passed since he thankfully watched her eyes finally close.  When did she leave his side?  Why did he not feel her leave him?  Silence filled the apartment.  No sound at all met his ears; only the eerie darkness of silence. 

"Alexis?" 

Still, no sound…  no movement… no release from the fear that gripped him.   

"Angel?" 

He finally stood and with heavy feet began to search for her.  Walking into the kitchen he snorted in disgust at his stupidity for looking in the last place she would probably go to in the middle of the night.  Making his way slowly to her bedroom he prayed that he would find her asleep finally giving in to his earlier plea for her to relax and fall asleep in the comfort of her own bed rather than curled up on the sofa. 

"I don't want to go to bed, Cameron.  It's… it's too far away." 

"I don't understand, Alexis.  Too far away from what?" 

She grinned shyly at him before the blood rushed to her cheeks as she answered. 

"Not from what… from who?" 

"You're going to have to elaborate.  I've slept beside you before. We've proven that we can be close without it morphing into something else." 

"That was before." 

"Before what?" 

"You know… before." 

His eyes finally lit with understanding. 

"Oh you mean before I undressed and redressed you for bed." 

"Well there is that… and… there was the poetry and the whiskey and.." 

"I get the picture.  I'm just a little too familiar now for you to be comfortable in the same bed with me.  You don't trust me to be discreet, is that it?" 

Quiet words… words spoken to the glass she held in her hand, yet stealing their way to ears that heard and a heart that danced. 

"No… I don't trust me." 

He let the words find their place in his heart and left them there, refusing to tell her what they meant to him.  Later, later when all was right… he would tell her.  Tonight he would allow her to have whatever she needed to pass the time as comfortably as possible. 

"I'll go get your pillow and we'll stay right here, angel.  We can just talk until we're tired enough to drop off and in the morning I'll make us some breakfast and we'll go from there." 

It was the right thing to say.  He knew it when he heard her sigh of relief.  So they sat there and talked until Alexis began to drift off and he reached to pull her legs out from under her and stretched them out across his lap.  Laying an arm across the back of the sofa, he smiled as he felt her fingers find his and pull them down to rest within hers on top of her stomach.  Leaning his head back to rest against the sofa he waited and listened until he finally heard her breathing change to the rhythm of sleep. 

Now… two hours later, he found himself searching for her, horrified that she could leave his side without him knowing it.  Drawing to a standstill in the doorway of her bedroom, the moonlight cast its rays across the emptiness of her bed.  With her bed empty, there was only one place she could be unless she had completely left the apartment.  He turned with heavy feet and took the few remaining steps to the door that had always been shut upon each of his visits.  Tonight it was open and a faint light illuminated the hall just enough to tell him where his angel escaped to.  Stepping up to the door he quietly peeked in and drew a sharp breath reaching for the door to steady himself. 

She lay on the floor beside the crib amidst a host of stuffed animals with one soft furry lamb clutched to her breast.  Kneeling beside her, he reached out and gently brushed her hair aside and watched a smile play across her face.  Alexis was dreaming.  She had finally found enough peace within the world of her dreams to allow herself to finally relax into a deep sleep.  He reached down to touch her toes and found them chilled as he expected.   

Retrieving the comforter and a pillow from her bed he then opened her dresser and pulled a pair of woolen socks from its depth and returned to her side quietly shoving some of the stuffed animals out of the way.   Gently sliding his hand under her head he lifted just enough to place the pillow underneath her then moved down to her feet covering them with the socks.  Gazing down at the relaxed smile that graced her sleeping face he found it impossible to leave her alone in the midst of all the articles of baby care that had never been used.  So instead lay down beside her covering them both with the comforter.   

They would both be stiff in the morning, but if this was the only way Alexis could find rest then so be it.  He would watch over her and just to make sure she didn't leave him again, he put his arm around her and sighed as her hand reached to find his and pull it to her wrapping them both around the little furry lamb.  He heard a soft chuckle then a happy call.  "Cameron look.  Look at Kristina run."  He never knew she talked in her sleep and as he smiled at her inclusion of him in her happy dream, a grieving tear fell from the corner of his eye and another quickly followed.  Only in sleep could she find happiness.  Only in sleep could his angel be free. 

***************** 

Tick tock Tick tock… click clack click clack.  Her fingernails beat a rhythmic echo of the clocks passage of time.  She stared at the plate in front of her playing with the omelet as her fingernails continued the assault on the tabletop and his sanity.  The chime of the clock finally announcing the passing of another hour was met with the sound of her fork tapping the side of her plate.  He couldn't take it anymore.  He slid his napkin toward her and as she lifted her fingers once more to begin the passing of another minute he slipped the napkin underneath the offending fingernails.  It took her a second to realize the change in sound and looked up to find the reason.  Noticing the napkin she looked up sheepishly at Cameron. 

"I'm driving you nuts, aren't I?" 

"Not anymore." 

"Sorry." 

"No need to be.  I handled it." 

"You do that rather well, don't you?" 

"What?" 

"Handle things… or more to the point, me." 

"Don't know what you mean." 

Laying down her fork she pushed her plate away from her and gazed at him intently. 

"Yes you do, Cameron.  It doesn't matter what I throw at you; you handle it without too much fuss.  Like last night for instance." 

"Last night?" 

"Yeah.  I can't think of anyone who would join me on a cold hard floor in the middle of the night just so I could get some rest.  Why Cameron?  Why do you insist on torturing yourself the way you do where I'm concerned?" 

Leaning forward he rested his forearms on the table and returned her intense stare. 

"That doesn't compute.  The idea of you and torture in the same sentence… it just doesn't fit.  Besides I wouldn't have missed hearing you talk in your sleep for anything in the world." 

He chuckled at the look of feigned indignation on her face. 

"I DON'T talk in my sleep." 

"Yes, you do.  And I must say I couldn't have gone to sleep with anything sweeter in my ears." 

She leaned forward placing her arms on the table just as he had.  Her face was a mass of indecision.  Should she give in to curiosity or leave it alone.  Curiosity won. 

"What did I say?" 

"You said, 'Cameron, look.  Look at Kristina run'." 

She smiled wistfully and ducked her head nodding a couple of times before returning her gaze to him. 

"I've had that dream before.  It just seems appropriate that you would be with us.  It usually starts with me carrying her to the park and we play for awhile and then all of a sudden you're standing beside me and she starts to run." 

"Nice dream." 

She reached over and lay her hand on his. 

"She runs to you, Cameron." 

An anvil slammed into his chest.  He couldn't breathe.  He never dreamed he could feel such happiness in the midst of such turmoil.  What did he do that was so great to deserve such a woman in his life?  He reached and covered her hand with his own. 

"I promise you on my life, Alexis; I won't let you down.  I won't let Kristina down.  It doesn't matter anymore what that judge says.  One way or another we are going to get her back and no one is ever going to threaten you or her again.  I won't let you down, angel."


	27. Chapter 27

  **_Chapter 27_**

Cameron gazed down at Alexis lying on her bed.  He reached down to pull the bedspread over her feet and turned to go back to the living room when something caught his eye.  She was holding something in her hand.  Looking he shook his head with sadness at the phone he saw clutched to her breast.  Leaving her with whatever comfort she could hold onto he turned and made his way back to the living room.  It had been a difficult task to get her to lie down for a while and try to rest.  She was so worried that she would miss the call from the judge.  His promise to stay awake and next to the phone on her desk was the only way he finally coaxed her to lay down for a while. 

He jumped at the sound of a knock on the door.  Fearing another knock might waken Alexis he raced to open it and stopped dead in his tracks at the sight before him.  Speechless he stepped aside as Gail Baldwin stepped through the door carrying the most beautiful child he had seen in a long time.  Finally finding his voice he questioned her. 

"What happened?" 

"Well Cameron, it's all over and I think this beautiful little girl would like to see her mommy." 

Placing the baby carrier down in the center of the desk, Gail turned and looked around the room. 

"Where's Alexis?" 

"She's taking a nap.  It's been pretty rough on her." 

"I can't even imagine what she's been through.  But, there are a couple of things I need to go over with her while I'm here." 

Standing beside Kristina, he eyed Gail a moment, then nodded reluctantly, wary of what she was bringing in on top of Alexis along with her baby girl. 

"Nothing happens until I get this little girl into her mother's arms.  If you would care to wait a few minutes… there is coffee in the kitchen.  Help yourself." 

Cameron reached down and gently picked up Kristina cradling her to his chest then turned and walked out of the room. He carried her as if she were the most precious baby in the world and grinned with the knowledge that he'd swear to it if anyone had the temerity to question him.  Entering Alexis' bedroom he knelt beside the bed and removed the phone from her hand.  She wouldn't be needing it after all.  When she began to stir he whispered. 

"Alexis…" 

Gently placing Kristina on the bed beside her he took hold of the hand that previously held the phone and placed it around her daughter. 

"Alexis angel, wake up.  There's someone here who wants to see you." 

Her eyes fluttered open and met his gaze with groggy curiosity.  She frowned with confusion as the fragrance of a baby reached her senses and suddenly felt a movement beneath her hand.  Looking down her eyes widened at the sight of her baby girl lying next to her.  A look of panic suddenly filled her eyes as she looked up at him. 

"Am I dreaming?" 

"No sweetheart, this time you're not dreaming.  Little Kristina is finally home." 

Alexis sat up bringing the child to her breast and wrapped her arms around the bundle as tears of happiness coursed down her cheeks.  Words could not express the joy that raced through her.  Her arms were filled once again with the purest love known to every mother; and her smile was radiant enough to light every corner of the world.  He stood up kissed the top of her head then leaned down to kiss Kristina's. 

"I'm going to leave you girls to enjoy your reunion together for a while." 

She looked up as he stepped back. 

"Don't leave, Cameron." 

He reached out and traced his finger down her cheek. 

"Like I said, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.  I'm just leaving you two alone to spend some time together." 

Her eyes were drawn back to her child before he ever left the room.  It was as it should be.  Mother reunited with child… the world was once again balanced.  Just as he left the room he heard her whisper… 

"Hello, my angel.  You're home, baby girl.  You're finally home and no one is ever going to take you away from me again." 

He found Gail waiting patiently on the sofa with a cup of coffee and joined her leaning back against the cushions with a sigh of relief. 

"Sounds like you've had a rough day, Cameron." 

"A rough day, night, week, month.  But, we're good now.  Kristina's home.  Care to tell me how you did it.  I thought Judge Marks was supposed to call." 

Gail leaned back and took a sip of coffee with a smile of ironic pleasure. 

"Actually, Kristina finally coming home is all due to the actions of Ned Ashton." 

"Ashton?  When he left here yesterday he was not in a very giving mood." 

"Nor was he very smart when the judge called him in this morning." 

Cameron was trying not to become agitated with Gail for her cryptic responses. 

"OK Gail, just tell me what happened.  Please don't make me pull it from you piece by piece." 

She laughed gently and reached over to squeeze his upper arm companionably. 

"Alright Cameron, I apologize for being less than direct.  I received a call from the judge around eight last night and he informed me that he would be calling Ned in first thing this morning to talk to him just as he did Alexis and he asked that I join them.  It seems Judge Marks was having a bit of trouble coming to terms with some of the actions the Quartermaine's have indulged in since the birth of the child.  Ned arrived this morning with Kristina.  He also had Skye tagging along behind him." 

"You're kidding me, Gail.  Surely he wouldn't be so ignorant." 

"Yes, he would." 

Cameron stood quickly turning to find Alexis walking into the room cradling Kristina with a smile that Cameron couldn't ever remember seeing on her face and eyes so clear and dazzling it left him breathless.  She was filled with contentment and pure joy.  His heart leaped toward her and hands that wanted to hold her found themselves instead holding tight to the inner lining of his pockets. 

"I thought you'd be sitting in a rocker by now, rocking Angel, Jr. to sleep." 

Chuckling she looked up at him with stars in her eyes and winked. 

"Oh we'll get there, but I happened to hear you talking to someone and I wanted to know who I owed my devotion to for the rest of my life." 

She turned to Gail and sat down beside her. 

"Is it my understanding that you brought my daughter home?" 

Gail reached over and lifted the fingers of Kristina's little hand letting them curl around her own. 

"I couldn't resist, this little girl just wouldn't be satisfied until she was in her mother's arms again." 

Alexis reached for Gail pulling her into a hug careful to keep her daughter from getting pinched between them. 

"Thank you, Gail.  It doesn't seem enough.  With a library of words at my disposal, I'm only left with two.  How can I ever thank you?" 

Leaning back Gail smiled. 

"Oh you'll get your chance, but first let me finish the story.  You're right, Alexis.  Ned was ignorant enough to bring Skye with him this morning." 

Alexis interrupted. 

"Or maybe his ego reached such epic proportions that he figured he was safe in whatever he chose to do?" 

"I believe that would definitely be a more appropriate description of the man that walked into the judge's chambers this morning.  I was informed last night that Judge Marks had already made his decision regarding custody.  But, he wanted to ask Ned a few questions just to make sure he made the right decision." 

Alexis stared at Gail in shock. 

"He made his decision last night?" 

"Actually his decision was made within 5 minutes of our leaving his chambers yesterday afternoon.  With you being willing to be as honest as you were, your obvious passion toward doing anything to protect your child and seeing how much you would sacrifice for the child made quite an impression on him.  And then there was the impression Cameron made on him." 

"Cameron?" Alexis questioned with awe. 

Her eyes met his as they both tried to make sense of it.  His blood seemed to stop at the mention of his name. 

"What did I do?" 

"It seems that Judge Marks was also quite impressed with how you continued to stand by Alexis through the days, months and questionable antics of a desperate woman." 

All three laughed nodding their heads in total agreement then Gail continued. 

"When Skye walked in and plopped herself down in the chair across from Judge Marks he asked her who she was and what part did she play in the custody issue.  Ned began to speak for her and the judge shut him up." 

****Scene in Judge Marks Chambers Earlier** **

"Mr. Ashton, I believe my question was directed at your companion.  Please do not presume to think you are in charge of this session.  My court, my office, my rules… now sit down and stay quiet until I ask you a direct question.  Now, by all accounts of the reports I have read, I believe you would be Skye Quartermaine; am I correct?" 

"Well yes, you are absolutely correct." 

"So answer my question.  Why are you here and what do you have to do with this custody hearing?" 

Batting her eyes in an attempt to be provocative, Skye leaned toward the judge allowing her blouse to shift enough to give the judge a show. 

"Well, I'm here to support my friend and take care of this precious little girl while you two talk." 

"Miss Quartermaine, I will ask you once to sit back and hide yourself.  I am not impressed with your obvious attempt to display your assets nor does it help your '_friend_' for you to boldly walk in here as if you were the Queen of England or something.  You have no business in my office this morning and as I didn't ask for your presence, I'll politely ask you to leave." 

Ned stood indignantly and before he could open his mouth… 

"Mr. Ashton, why you would presume to bring your '_friend_' to this meeting gives credence to my already questionable belief regarding your moral ethics.  Don't upset me any further." 

Ned sat back down and lifted the baby carrier from the floor and handed it to Skye. 

"Take her outside until I'm finished here, please." 

"The baby stays, Mr. Ashton." 

"Your honor, I don't think it's a good idea to subject my daughter to these proceedings." 

Judge Marks looked directly at Skye without answering Ned. 

"Miss Quartermaine, why are you still here?" 

The judge waited impatiently until the door closed behind an obviously irritated Skye, then turned his attention to Ned. 

"For the record, Mr. Ashton.  I am fully aware of who the father of this child is, so now that we have established your complete lack of rights to this child let's get down to the business of discussing why you believe you should retain custody of her." 

"I offered Alexis an opportunity to save herself and her daughter from the dangerous world of a criminal.  She took it and allowed me to claim Kristina as my daughter." 

"So, you take advantage of a woman who is totally distraught and lay claim to a child that is fathered by a man you despise." 

"THAT'S NOT THE WAY IT HAPPENED." 

"Mr. Ashton, you will not raise your voice to me again… is that clear?" 

"So, I'm supposed to just sit here while you take the word of a deranged woman and take my daughter away from me?" 

"Absolutely not.  All you are required to do is sit there and answer the questions I pose to you without falsifying your statements.  Now, explain to me how you lost custody of this child to Edward Quartermaine." 

"Judge Farmer decided that my actions on the night in question were not conducive to the safety of my child.  When in fact, I did nothing to endanger my daughter.  A fire started in my gatehouse, but my daughter was not in the house.  There was never any danger to my daughter." 

Marks lifted a few of the pages in the file in front of him perusing a few documents then looked back at Ned. 

"So, Edward Quartermaine, Alan Quartermaine and Alan Quartermaine, Jr decided to set you up.   They stage a scene on the docks with…", he lifted the page again and peered closer hiding the hint of a smile, "a woman by the name of Faith Roscoe… who I believe is heavily involved in the mob while your gatehouse burns all in an effort to perpetrate a fraud against the legal system." 

Ned shifted uncomfortably as his arrogance began to slowly slip away as the judge continued. 

"Then the child is kidnapped right out from under your nose by…" lifting the pages of the file again he grinned wider, "ah yes, here it is.  By Skye Quartermaine and Alan Quartermaine, Jr. in an attempt to gain favor with Edward Quartermaine." 

"THAT'S NOT TRUE… I'm sorry, your honor.  Alexis kidnapped my daughter and holed up in Cameron Lewis' cabin for days while I worried myself sick." 

"Hmmmm… is that right?  You mean Alexis, the mother of the child in question, tracked down who stole the child with help from a couple of friends then rewarded herself by spending a few hours with the child before attempting to return her." 

"She ran again." 

"Why?" 

"Because she heard grandfather threatening to take Kristina away from her perm…" Ned realized too late what his answer sounded like and in an effort to undo the damage dug himself a deeper grave. "I don't have any control over what my grandfather says." 

Marks smiled. 

"I see." 

Ned knew his attempts to protect his family were seriously threatening his bid for sole custody of Kristina so he changed tactics. 

"Look, I may not be the most honorable or ethical man that ever lived, but I didn't cross the boundaries of a court order and I've never killed anyone in cold blood.  Can Alexis say the same thing?" 

"Is that what she did?  I thought it was self-defense." 

"That's what she says." 

"And you don't agree?" 

"How would I know… I wasn't there." 

Thumbing through the pages of the file, Marks swiveled around in his chair so Ned couldn't see his face.  He was having fun and it wouldn't be ethical to laugh outright as the man across from him squirmed around like he was sitting on a hot poker. 

"Hmmm… maybe I should take another look at this.  Tell me, how long have you known Miss Davis?" 

"A few years." 

"Have you ever known her to lose her temper and become violent?" 

"That doesn't mean she's incapable of doing it.  She's a Cassadine." 

Judge Marks closed the file turned back around and leaned forward resting his crossed arms on his desk.  He was through… he had heard enough. 

"Are you so desperate to hold onto a child that doesn't belong to you that you would deliberately malign the name of a decent respectable woman…  and one you thought enough of at one time to marry?" 

Ned's eyes narrowed as he stared at the judge. 

"Your mind was made up before I ever walked in here, wasn't it?" 

"Actually it was.  I just needed your help to make sure I had made the right decision.  You might could have changed it though if you had walked in here with nothing but the purest of intentions regarding the child.  But, you've not once offered me any insight as to how you feel about the child, what you could offer her to make her life easier or what you would do to protect her from the insaneness of the household you live in.  You have not paid one moments attention to that child since you walked into my office.  All you've done is consistently try to disparage the child's mother at every turn and mangle the truths and facts of the events surrounding this case.  And to have the audacity to bring Miss Quartermaine with you… Mr. Ashton, you just single-handedly threw away your chance to regain custody of the child." 

Judge Marks turned his focus to Gail Baldwin who sat quietly in the corner of the office witnessing the entire session. 

"Dr. Baldwin, will you take custody of the child until we can deliver her to her mother." 

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS." 

"Mr. Ashton, take your seat.  I'm not finished with you yet." 

When Ned hesitated… 

"NOW" 

The booming voice forced Ned back into his chair fixing a resentful stare on the judge.  At Kristina's cry of fright he reached for her and found Gail had already taken her out of his reach.  He turned back to the judge with hate filling his eyes as the man began to speak again. 

"Now, for the rest of this mess.  I have here a copy of the medical records of the child's parents as well as the child's birth certificate.  These files will be shredded and new ones will be created to correctly reflect the owner of the father's medical history.  As for the birth certificate, your name will not remain, but instead be replaced with 'Not Available'.  If at any time you threaten the peace of either Miss Alexis Davis or her daughter, Kristina Davis with information that you are privy to, you will be taken into custody and jailed.  In addition to your indictment, Edward, Alan and Alan Quartermaine, Jr. will be arrested as well for their part in the fraud perpetrated against the court.  Furthermore, a restraining order has been filed on behalf of Miss Davis to keep you from pulling another stunt like you did yesterday.  If the time comes that she wishes to rescind that order… so be it.  But, it will remain at her discretion." 

"You can't take my daughter from me, Judge Marks.  She's all I have." 

Judge Marks looked sadly at Ned. 

"I sincerely hope your real daughter never has the occasion to hear those words come out of your mouth.  Go home, Mr. Ashton.  Go home and take stock of your life.  Try building one that you can be proud of… that your own daughter can someday be proud of.  It's not too late for you to redeem the man you were intended to be." 

As Ned turned and slowly walked out the office, Judge Marks overheard Skye's screech. 

"Where's Kristina?  You didn't let them take her from me, did you?" 

"Shut up, Skye." 

"YOU DID.  You let them take her.  Don't tell me that bitch is going to get my princess back?' 

"THAT'S ENOUGH.  SHUT UP AND GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME." 

Judge Marks grinned and dusted his hands off then chuckled. 

"Now for my dessert regarding this whole mess." 

  ****_Back At Alexis' Apartment** _**

"So Ned threw away his chance to keep Kristina?" 

"Lock, stock and barrel." 

Alexis sat back rocking her daughter with a sad smile on her face.  Cameron feared she was relenting where Ashton was concerned. 

"What are you thinking, Alexis?" 

"Just that he missed his chance to be part of something that could have forever changed his life.  We could have worked it out if he hadn't been so weak where his family was concerned or so adamantly opposed to allowing me a mother's rights regarding my daughter." 

Gail chuckled beside her. 

"Men should know better than to try and get between a mother and her child.  Right, Dr. Lewis?" 

"Absolutely." 

The three grownups laughed and Alexis laughed harder at the sound of her daughter's attempt to join in the fun.  A determined knock at the door quieted them all except Gail.  Laying her hand on Alexis' shoulder and motioning Cameron to stay where he was she stood. 

"I'll get that.  I'm expecting someone to join me here." 

Walking to the door she cracked it open and peeked out then grinned opening it wide enough to allow Judge Marks to enter. 

Alexis fumbled trying to hang onto her daughter and stand at the same time and Cameron understanding her dilemma reached to help her up and they faced the judge together. 

"Miss Davis, Dr. Lewis.  I see we are in the midst of a family reunion." 

Alexis walked toward him shifting Kristina to her shoulder a smile lighting her face at the opportunity to thank him for his ruling. 

"I don't know how to thank you, Judge Marks.  You've given me my heart back and I can't tell you how much it means to me." 

"Well, you might want to rethink that once I've had my say, Miss Davis.  Please return to your seat.  We need to talk.  Dr. Baldwin, you will act as witness to this gathering… and if you will tend to the child while we settle the rest of this.  Dr. Lewis if you would pull a chair in for me from the dining area, I would appreciate it." 

Cameron retrieved a dining room chair and placed it facing the sofa then sat down beside Alexis wrapping his arm around her to hopefully still the edginess they were both feeling.  He looked at her to find her eyes on him, questioning him as though he knew what was going on.  He shrugged and turned back to the judge pulling her closer to him. 

"Now, Miss Davis.  I understand that you have suffered a great deal with the loss of your daughter, but that does not make up for the laws that you have broken on behalf of your daughter.  So, we are going to settle up now for those indiscretions." 

Pulling a thick envelope from his coat he opened it and pulled out several documents and handed the top one to her. 

"First, your license to practice law has been reinstated." 

He handed her another document. 

"Second, there is a restraining order in place to keep Ned Ashton from coming within 100 feet of you or your daughter.  That is your order to rescind when you feel it appropriate." 

He handed her another document. 

"Third, as punishment for your illegal activities your practice will be restricted to the cares and concerns of children for the next 5 years.  You will use your considerable legal acumen in the defense of the rights of children rather than criminal justice." 

The last document he handed to Cameron. 

"And you don't get off scott free either, Dr. Lewis.  Your practice for the next five years will also be restricted to the cares and concerns of children." 

Cameron looked back at Alexis who was staring at the documents in her hand.  She looked up and stammered. 

"I… I… I don't know… I'm not very familiar with…" 

"Miss Davis, you have one month to bone up on family and custodial law.  And I fully expect you to put forth as much loyalty and dedication toward the care of our children as you did the rights of our local 'bad boy'.  With that said, you and I will never again mention his name or make reference to him in any way.  He is irrelevant to our association now.  Gail and I have done our best to stop whatever abuse we have come across since I took over family court.  It hasn't been enough.  We need help.  Our children are suffering at the hands of parents who cater to their own interests regardless of the needs of the child.  It has to stop.  Miss Davis, your dedication to the cause of your daughter has impressed me very much.  I want that same dedication directed toward our children who are abused, neglected and sometimes die at the hands of people too stupid to realize that they are the future and should be treated as such.  So, I have you both for the next five years." 

Standing he grabbed the lapels of his coat and leaned back with an air of judicial superiority. 

"Do either of you have anything to say before I take my leave?" 

Alexis stood up firmly and took one step toward him crossing her arms in front of her. 

"I'll give you the best I've got for five years and I'll add another five to it if you'll give me the next six months to spend with my daughter before beginning my service to your court.  That six months would of course include the time I need to acquaint myself with family law." 

Judge Marks laughed in spite of himself and reached to shake hands with her. 

"Miss Davis, it is going to be a delight working with you.  Take your six months and I'll accept the addition of two and a half more years on top of the five." 

Turning to Cameron he continued. 

"She's a real pistol, isn't she?" 

"You have no idea, Your Honor.  No idea." 

"Well, good luck to the both of you and I'll see you soon." 

He walked to the door then turned to approach Gail who was holding Kristina.  He lay a soft kiss on the top of the child's head. 

"You're a lucky little lady, Kristina." 

He turned and walked out leaving 2 jaws hanging wide open and a smile on the face of a child who gurgled happily. 

Gail walked toward Alexis and placed Kristina back in her arms then reached for her purse. 

"I apologize for not warning you sooner, but he requested I keep silent.  He's been angling for the family court seat ever since a child lost his life due to his son drinking and driving one night about 5 years ago.  You probably remember reading about it in the paper." 

Alexis looked at Gail as it finally dawned on her what she was witnessing in the courtroom in the past where Marks was concerned. 

"That's why he was so tough.  His son spent a few years in prison because of that incident.  I never put it together until just now.  Marks must have been devastated." 

"Things didn't start improving for him until he took over family court.  He's doing something to make up for his son's indiscretion and at the same time he's been learning at lot about the precarious position our children are in now." 

Gail took a step closer to Alexis and became even more serious. 

"We need your help, Alexis.  For every child we manage to save, there are 50 more out there that need saving.  It's time someone stood up and said enough.  That's what the judge and I are doing." 

Alexis leaned forward and hugged Gail. 

"Well, you just give me a little time with my daughter and then we'll get busy.  I've learned quite a bit over the last several months about children and desperate parents.  You'll have the best that I can give you and then some." 

"Thank you, Alexis.  I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to working with you.  Now you three enjoy your evening and I'm going to get out of your way." 

Alexis and Cameron followed her to the door. Cameron was the first to speak. 

"Well it looks like you and I are going to be working closer than ever, Gail.  I think I like the idea.  But, five years?" 

He grinned as Alexis interrupted. 

"Uh… no that would be seven and a half years.  You're going to be serving the same sentence I agreed to, smarty." 

Cameron grinned and look back at Gail. 

"Excuse me… my mistake.  Seven and a half years." 

Gail laughed at them, kissed Kristina on her head and made a quick exit not wishing to intrude on their family time any further.  As the door shut behind her Alexis and Cameron turned to face each other suddenly at a loss for words.


	28. Chapter 28

  **_Chapter 28_**

"Well, what now?" 

Cameron was grinning at Alexis.  They stood face to face at the door having just said goodbye to Gail Baldwin.  He watched as she held Kristina close; at times a little too close for the comfort of the child, who in her own way reminded her mother of her need to be able to breathe.  It was the most beautiful sight he could recall seeing in a long time.  Mother and child reunited and his angel finally at peace.  He followed her as she turned to reclaim her seat on the sofa.  He nodded a couple of times as her response found his ears. 

"I'm not entirely sure.  I've been fighting for so long it sort of feels like I'm out of place now." 

"How soon can you be ready to leave?" 

"Leave?" 

She looked up at him with questioning beautifully calm eyes. 

"Yes… leave, Alexis.  We are leaving town for a while.  You, me and angel, jr. there." 

Her eyes widened with uncertainty and a bit of excitement. 

"You mean… we can really go?  You weren't just trying to keep me from losing my mind." 

He reached over and ran his fingers through the silk of her hair and chuckled. 

"No, I wasn't trying to keep you from losing your mind.  I want to spend time with my two favorite girls all alone, without distraction, away from everyone…" 

He then reached again and without asking gently pulled Kristina into his arms, kissing her on the cheek as he did so.  He and Alexis both chuckled at the baby's scrunched up face upon feeling the effect of his beard.  Cameron was completely aware of Alexis' hand keeping contact with her child even after he took the child from her. 

"Go pack, Alexis.  Pack enough to last a while.  We're going on the run, angel.  Just the three of us.  Escaping the asylum, so to speak." 

He could tell she was reluctant to leave the presence of her daughter.  So he stood up and waited for her to join him.  At her look of puzzlement, he reached down and caught her hand pulling her up to stand beside him. 

"So we all go.  Would that make it easier on you, 'mommy'?" 

His ears were suddenly filled with her laughter.  It was an amazing sound that made his breath catch in his lungs.  Looking into her eyes, for the first time since he first met her, they were pure.  Not a hint of sadness, fear, or doubt could be found.  She possessed the most beautifully expressive eyes; but when they were free to express her joy, his world stood still. 

"You should do that more often." 

"What?" 

"Laugh.  I kind of like the way it sounds… and what it does to my stomach." 

Her eyes left the face of her daughter to find his and she ducked her head shyly upon seeing his obvious desire for her reflected in his eyes.  She shifted nervously a bit then turned to walk toward her bedroom to pack for their trip.  Hesitating a moment she glanced back at him then caught hold of his shirt-sleeve pulling him with her. 

"Come on.  You can hold her while I get us ready to go.  She needs to get reacquainted with you.'  Halting a moment she grinned mischievously before continuing. "And don't go giving my daughter any scratchy burns from that mane of yours." 

"I wouldn't dare incur the wrath of such a protective mother bear as yourself.  Your daughter is safe from any scratchy burns on my account." 

He was rewarded again with the sound of her laughter as he thought, 'however her mother is another matter entirely.'  He followed her out of the room and it felt right.  He began a new hobby of waiting on Alexis a few days earlier, now he was following her.  This was his life now and it was good.  He was content to spend the rest of his days waiting on and following Alexis. 

********************* 

He watched her from the cabin window as she sat with Kristina on the porch swing.  The child fell asleep on her mother's shoulder moments before as the sun warmed them both.  She continued to swing back and forth with her arms around her child gazing out into the woods.  This was an Alexis he was unfamiliar with and one he wanted desperately to get to know.  She sat peacefully, quietly… calm and full of happiness.  He could tell by the way she moved her hands and body that she was more sure of herself now, more content with herself as a woman and a mother.  This was what life was all about to him.  Watching the woman he loved embrace the identity of being a mother, of being blessed with the most precious and most rewarding job a woman could be graced with.  He stood there for what seemed an eternity ignoring the ache of legs that needed to rest.  He couldn't tear his eyes from her… from the vision of her holding the child in her arms with the backdrop of a forest he had gazed upon many times, but suddenly seemed more vividly alive than ever.  He drank in the sight of her as though he were a man dying of thirst and suddenly realized she caught sight of him by the motioning of her hand for him to join her.  He took a deep breath and smiled as his heart filled with the sight of such a welcoming look on her face.  How could a man walk away from such a gift?  How could a man walk away from the life that he was born to once he found it?  He couldn't.  He would be forever tied to her.  She was his soul, his life, his future.  He stepped away from the window and opened the door to walk out and rejoin his life. 

Sitting down carefully on the swing beside her he lay his arm on the back of it and let his eyes once again find his life. 

"You've been out here quite a while, angel.  It's headed toward dusk and the mosquitoes will be coming around.  Angel, jr. there would be too much of a delicacy for them to resist." 

She looked up at him as a protective hand found the middle of her child's back pulling her closer to her mother's breast. 

"You're right.  I need to get her inside.  I'm just… it's just…" 

Her eyes fell away from him as shyness suddenly laid claim to her features. 

"What angel?  What's wrong?" 

Her head quickly snapped back up. 

"Nothing is wrong.  That's just… I can't explain…" 

His hand reached to find a place to touch her without disturbing Kristina, then he coaxed her to lean into the circle of his arm. 

"Talk to me, angel.  Forget the high priced intelligent words and just talk to me." 

She leaned in further and sighed. 

"I've never felt like this before.  This is a totally alien feeling and I don't know how to deal with it." 

"What feeling is that, Alexis?" 

She suddenly sat straight up and looked at him with surprise written all over her beautiful face. 

"Look at me, Cameron.  I'm… I'm… I'm happy.  It's been so long… I forgot what it felt like to be really happy.  But it's more than that… so much more.  It's like there is nothing in the world that could ever be offered to me that would be better than what I have right here, right now.  All my life I have searched for something to fill the emptiness inside and to have finally found what that something was.  It's leaving me a bit overwhelmed." 

As she gazed up at him with eyes that held all the truths of her heart… he finally understood. 

"And scared as well, right?" 

She ducked her head a moment then looked back out toward the edge of the woods. 

"Yes." 

"Afraid that someone is going to come along and rip it all away from you?" 

Quietly. "Yes." 

"Because it has happened so many times before?" 

Quieter. "Yes." 

"It's been pretty rough on you hasn't it, angel?" 

"I've done alright." 

"Yes, you've done alright.  But, it nags at you that you could have had what you're feeling right now all along if you had made different choices." 

He wasn't trying to berate her for the choices she made in her life or hinting that she had somehow failed at the handling of her life.  He simply wanted her to know that he understood where her thoughts were taking her and he would be there if she wanted to talk.  Her question didn't really surprise him.  She would always take the quickest way she could find to keep from becoming the topic of any discussion.  

"Don't you ever regret some of the choices you've made, Cameron?" 

"Of course I do, but that's the crux of the matter.  Those choices are in the past.  There's nothing I can do about them now.  All I can do is make the most of the fallout caused by those decisions and try not to make the same mistakes in the future.  I can't look back, Alexis.  It hurts too much.  It takes away from the man I am now… from the man I envision myself to be someday." 

"And what man is that?" 

"Someone who can be depended on in every moment of everyday.  A man who is able to freely admit that the mistakes he's made in his life were because he was selfish.  A man who is more determined than ever to keep those pesky little inferiority fears from destroying his life again." 

He turned slightly to face her. 

"I want…" 

He hesitated, unsure of whether he should continue.  Her hand left it's new home on the back of her daughter to find his cheek.  As her palm cupped his jaw her fingers subtly played in his beard a moment before finally growing still then returning home leaving him chilled by their absence.  Her quiet intense voice urged him to continue. 

"What do you want, Cameron?" 

He drew a deep breath as the sight of her hand returning to her child caused a moment of envy to race through him.  And his own heart, desperate to be loved opened up to the woman beside him and he answered her. 

"I want to be able to love without expecting anything in return. I want a chance to be someone worthy of being loved, warts and all.  I want my son to forgive me. I want to be a man who can be depended on when there's no one else willing to step up to the plate in a crisis.  I want to be so comfortable with the man that I am that I don't have to put on a mask every time I walk out the front door.  I want the woman that I love to be able to trust me with all the truths and secrets of her past and know that it is my goal in life to protect her from a past that stole the very thing she finds herself enjoying today.  I want that little girl you're holding to know that there is someone in this world that she and her mother can depend on to fight for the two of them when the inevitable storms of life come their way.  And I want to know in my own heart that I won't fail them.  I want to be a man who is worthy enough to be loved by you." 

He watched her begin to fidget nervously and understood that his words were very uncomfortable in her ears.  How could they be otherwise with the absence of any real love in her life for years or if ever?  He suddenly wanted desperately to see a smile on her face. 

"But do you know what I want most of all right now, Alexis?" 

Her eyes glanced back up at him then quickly fell to his hand resting in his lap.   

"I want the biggest, thickest, juiciest steak you've ever laid eyes on and a potato that is just begging to be covered with sour cream, butter and bacon bits with a dusting of shredded cheese on top.  And I want an ice cold beer to wash it all down with.  And after that I want to build the biggest banana split you ever saw." 

She rewarded him with more than a smile.  She gave him laughter.


	29. Chapter 29

  **_Chapter 29_**

Cameron awoke from a mid-morning nap to find nothing but silence surrounding him.  The night had been rough… filled with tossing and turning, endless trips to check on Alexis and Kristina.  Over the past few days it became normal to reach out and find Alexis close enough to touch.  Yet, when it came time to retire the night before, Alexis' thoughts were only for her child.  He wasn't needed to calm or comfort; he wasn't needed to offer any distractions from pain or loss.  So he went to bed alone bereft of the soft silkiness and warmth of her beside him and the wrongness of it disturbed him to the point of sleeplessness.  He wasn't complete without her by his side, so he spent the night wandering from his bed to the doorway of her room wanting nothing more than to slide in beside her and cradle her as she lay quietly cradling her daughter a smile of contentment spread across her face. 

Breakfast was filled with taking care of his favorite women and all of the distractions of preparing for another day.  Alexis remained silent regarding their conversation of the previous evening and he didn't really expect her to talk about it; but given the glances she tossed him a couple of times knew it was on her mind.  Her only foray into anything personal, coming in the form of questioning the tired look on his face. 

"You look like hell, Cameron." 

"Why thank you, Alexis." 

"No, I mean you don't look like you were able to get any rest last night." 

"Yeah, well it seems that staying with you the last few days formed a subconscious precedent that my head wasn't able to overcome.  I didn't sleep very well." 

"I imagine not with how many times I felt you standing in the doorway watching Kristina and I." 

"You felt me, Alexis?" 

He watched in fascination the pink hue cross her face as she tried in vain to restate her unguarded words. 

"Well you know what I mean.  Felt… heard… sensed… " 

When she finally left him to lay Kristina down for a nap, Cameron took the opportunity to catch up on the sleep that was stolen from him during the night by his incessant need to stay close and watch over them. 

Awaking he again felt the absence of her presence reach toward him and the dread of emptiness begin to descend.  Standing he began the search that would lead him from the empty kitchen to the empty bedroom to the empty bath and back into the front room.  The sound of metal against straining metal finally alerted him to where he would find her as the porch swing creaked loud enough to slice through the deafening silence and the darkness that was quickly falling on him.  He knew where the darkness was coming from, but did not have any idea how to stop it.  Darkness came from fear and his fear was that he would lose Alexis now that Kristina was back in her arms for good.  She didn't need him anymore.  Her voice through the screen door found him before his eyes found her and he sat down in the rocking chair to listen. 

"Listen, my little one.  Did you hear that?  It's a little bird calling for its mother.  Do you know how I know that?  It's because I hear the same wish in the trill of his call that I heard in my own voice at night when I called for you.  I needed you with me so much that it actually hurt.  I heard that sound again last night when Cameron was talking to me right here on this swing.  I don't know what to do, Kristina.  He wants so much.  He wants me and I don't know if I can give him what he wants.  Did you know that every time either one of us moved last night he would find his way to our door to check on us?  I couldn't see him, but I did feel him there even when he didn't make a sound.  I feel so much for him and I'm afraid of it.  I'm so afraid of what I feel that I would just rather not focus on it.  That's the way your mommy is, little one.  I guess you could call me a modern day Scarlett O'Hara of sorts.  I don't want to hurt him, but yet I don't want to be hurt again either." 

As he heard her shift Kristina in her arms he moved a little closer to the door to hear her better.  The sound of her voice was filled with confusion and at times he thought he could hear a bit of desire as well.  

"But, do you want to know what I know for sure, baby girl?  I know that he loves me and I know that he wants to take care of both of us.  Do you know what he did for me while we were waiting for you to come home?  Kristina, he stayed with me and took care of me.  I didn't have to lift the first finger to do anything.  He has been right by my side the whole time for the past few days.  What kind of man puts his life on hold like that for another human being?  Much less one that has abused his generosity time after time for months.  But, he keeps coming back.  No matter what I do or say, he just keeps coming back.  What could I offer him that would even come close to what he has given me over the past several months?  He should want nothing more than to be rid of me by now, but he just keeps coming back, angel." 

Cameron could hear the disbelief in her voice and his heart ached that she would question herself so regarding their relationship.  Her next words caused his heart to beat faster. 

"Maybe it's time for me to stop running from what I feel and finally face it without that trusty little magnifying glass your mommy hangs onto for dear life.  Come on, sweetness, let's take a walk and see if we can figure out just what it is that you and I need to do." 

Cameron waited until he heard her step off the porch then went to the door and watched her walk around the side of the cabin.  He could hear her still talking to Kristina, but he could no longer make out what she was saying.  His head dropped and his chin fell to rest against his chest.  He didn't know what to make of the conversation he overheard.  Sometimes it sounded as if she wanted to be with him and sometimes it sounded as if she were trying to find a way to be free of him.  She was such a complicated enigma and one he desperately wanted to reach out to and draw into the circle of his arms.  Turning from the door he allowed his eyes to circle the room and it suddenly seemed too dark and too empty to remain there.  Grabbing a worn quilt from the back of the couch he escaped out the door and headed in the opposite direction Alexis had taken.  He wanted to give her time to figure out what she felt and he needed time to settle his own concerns.  He headed down one of the more overgrown paths toward the lake.  It was a shorter path than all the rest, but it would open up at the same point that all the rest of the paths leading from the cabin did.  He would wait for her to find her way to the lake and hopefully they could sit together for a while and talk. 

******* 

"Where did you come from?" 

He grinned up at her from his vantage point lying on his back basking in the warmth of the sun. 

"I thought I would enjoy the peace of the lake for a while so I brought a blanket out and well… here I am." 

"But, I just left the cabin and you…" 

"I know.  I saw you walk around the side of the house so I took a short cut.  Didn't want you out alone and I knew this is where you would end up.  Care to join me for a while?" 

"It really is lovely out here, Cameron.  So peaceful.  Kristina and I were enjoying a little walk together and having a mother daughter talk.  But, we would love to join you for a while before heading back." 

"Did you bring a bottle in case she gets hungry before you're ready to head back?" 

He chuckled as Alexis rolled her eyes at him. 

"Okay.  I should have known you would think of everything before leaving the cabin." 

She grinned at his teasing of her and settled down beside him laying Kristina down in front of her on her stomach so the sun wouldn't be in her eyes and taking the diaper bag from her shoulder tossed it at him. 

He laughed catching the bag and set it down on the other side of him then turned back to her.  He watched her gaze at her daughter with adoration and lifted his hand to rub it up and down her back a few times drawing her eyes to meet his. 

"What are you thinking about, Alexis?" 

Her eyes took on a wistful look as she dropped them back down to Kristina. 

"Did I ever tell you that I used to talk to Kristina before she was born?" 

"No, I don't think you ever told me that." 

"Well, I did.  I used to have long conversations with her about everything.  She was the closest one I had that I could really talk to.  Until…" 

"Until a nosey, bothersome head doctor insinuated himself into your life?" 

He watched her smile, glance back at him hurriedly before dropping her eyes again to her daughter. 

"Something like that." 

"Have I really been that hard on you, Alexis?" 

"In some ways… but, not like you're probably thinking." 

"What do you mean?" 

Placing her hands behind her on the quilt she leaned back and let her eyes travel across the lake.  Her eyes never stopped moving.  A clear indication that her mind was traveling as fast as her eyes, thought Cameron.  So he waited, knowing she would speak when everything was in its place. 

"Most of the time I stayed so angry with you because you kept telling me what I didn't want to hear.  And most of the time you made your points with such accurate precision.  I wasn't stopping long enough to make sense of what I was doing.  All I knew was that someone else was being taken from me and I couldn't let it happen again.  Not this time.  This time I had to keep what was mine or die trying.  She's all that I have now and I have to protect her at all cost.  It no longer matters what happens to me as long as she gets everything she needs." 

Cameron sat up and faced her. 

"It matters to me, Alexis.  You matter to me.  Now more than ever before." 

"Why now, Cameron?  Why do you insist on putting yourself into a place where you know you can get hurt?" 

"Why will I get hurt, Alexis?  Have you decided that it is your lot in life to hurt me every chance you get?" 

"No.  That's not… I don't…"  She sighed with exasperation. 

"Or do you simply not know what you want out of life anymore and you're afraid that I'll get hurt if you don't return my feelings?" 

"Something like that." 

"Alexis, do you even know how you feel about me?" 

"I… I'm… I'm not sure." 

"Ok.  Let's put it on a more personal level.  Do you even know what you want out of life?" 

"I want my daughter…" 

"No, Alexis.  Leave your daughter out of this for a minute.  Everything for the past year has been about your daughter.  I know what you want for her.  I know what you will do for her.  And that's all well and good.  But right now, I want to know about you.  Who is Alexis Davis?  What does Alexis Davis want?"  

Her silence and the look of confusion on her face told Cameron everything he needed to know. 

"You have no idea, do you?  Somewhere along the way you lost Alexis and you don't know where to find her anymore.  You don't even know where to begin to look to find her.  Everything since the day Ned took your life away from you by claiming this child has pushed the woman that you were so far down that you can't see her anymore." 

He watched the tears form and begin to fall down her cheeks and in an effort to hide herself from him she turned her head away.  Not wanting her to shut down on him, he reached for her and taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger pulled her face back around toward him.  Looking into her eyes he saw the battle, the wounds, the scars… the struggle to hold onto what little strength she had left. 

"Let me go, Cameron.  Please." 

"I can't, angel.  As much as you want to run away and hide right now, you know that what I'm saying is the truth.  There has been something missing for a long time inside you.  And you know that you will never be okay again until you find it.  Right now it doesn't matter if you return my feelings or not.  Right now all that matters is that you find that part of yourself that you allowed to be taken from you by people who did not care enough to help you hang onto the very essence of the person you are.  Alexis Davis is more than a mother, more than a lawyer, more than a friend.  She is an individual who has value, worth… she has a lot to offer this world to make it a better place.  But, you've been beaten down so much that you can't see it anymore.  You've transferred everything you ever hoped and dreamed for yourself to this little girl and you're just waiting for her to grow up now so she can live the dreams that were stripped from you." 

Cameron let go of her face and placed his hands on her shoulders and dipped his head just enough to lock his gaze with hers. 

"Don't quit, Alexis!  Don't give your life away to your daughter.  Share it with her, love her enough to let her grow up knowing who the real Alexis Davis is, not the ghost of someone who once held a heart full of dreams and hopes and wishes that began with your very first victory over the insane cruelties of life." 

She tore herself away from him and stood up to walk several paces away from him.  She stared out over the lake breathing heavily with the emotions that were tearing at her.  'How could he understand?  How could he possibly know the toll the last year of her life had exacted from her.'  She turned back around to face him.  The look on his face tore her heart from her breast.  She could see how much he loved her, how much he wanted her to be happy and free.  And suddenly she wanted nothing more than to have everything he wanted for her… wanted to give him everything he wanted. 

"I lost her, Cameron.  Just when I thought I was finally finding my way… I lost it and I don't know how to get it back.  I don't know where to start to try and pull me back together.  If I can just hang on to enough of what is left for my daughter's sake…" 

He stood quickly and walked to her taking her into his arms and holding her tight. 

"Alexis, all that you were is still there just waiting for you to realize it.  I've seen it in you since we've been here.  You are more sure of yourself now than you were yesterday or the day before.  The problem is that it's been so long since you recognized anything in that heart of yours but fear, panic and anger, that it's hard for you to see the good right now.  But it is there, we just have to change your focus a bit.  You know, get it away from all the bad stuff." 

"But, the bad stuff is gone now.  I have my daughter back and my license.  Ned and Skye are out of the picture…" 

"And yet, you're still filled with residual fear.  Fear that something else could happen to damage the tenuous hold you have on happiness right now." 

Moving out of his arms, she stepped away from him and took a couple of steps back toward her daughter who lay happily gurgling and kicking her legs as the shade of a tall oak tree reached toward her.  A smile came at the sight then quickly faded as she recognized the truth of his words. 

"It's not residual.  It's always been there.  It's the price I pay for having been born into a life uncertainty.  It's a part of my life that I've come to accept and work around." 

Cameron walked past her and sat down on the quilt beside Kristina then began to take his shoes and socks off.  He stood back up and then reached for Kristina.  At Alexis' protest he took her by the hand walked her to the edge of the lake. 

"Just stand there a minute Alexis.  I want to show you something." 

As Cameron took a couple of steps into the lake with her daughter, Alexis panicked. 

"Cameron, what are you doing?" 

Turning around he smiled at her then bent over and placed Kristina's feet into the water.  Gently raising and lowering her a couple of times just to plant the idea, he then stopped and waited for Kristina to learn.  It only took a moment for the baby's legs to begin kicking and splashing in the water and her laughter suddenly filled the air.  Cameron grinned and looked up when he heard Alexis join her daughter's laughter. 

"It's really quite simple, Alexis.  We look to those things that give us joy.  We live for the moments that laugh in the face of the problems that try to take away from us the very moments that carry us from day to day.  Now tell me what you feel right now in this one isolated moment?" 

She looked into the brilliance of his eyes as he stood lifting Kristina to his shoulder.  And she finally understood. 

"Happy." 

"Where is the fear?" 

He watched her face take on a mask of concentration for a moment then a shy smile peeked out. 

"It's gone." 

He carefully walked back out of the lake to stand in front of her.  Looking at Kristina then back at Alexis he smiled. 

"Life is made up of moments like these; little moments that turn into hours, that turn into days to remember.  There is a whole new world waiting for you, Alexis.  Today is a new day.  Let the past go and begin a new life today.  All you have to do is take your shoes off and wade in.  Trust that you're strong enough to stand up to the tides that will try to take your feet out from under you.  And when the tide inevitably becomes strong enough on occasion to succeed, trust that there will be someone there beside you to help you back up and stand with you combining his strength with yours." 

"You?" 

"If that is what you want, angel." 

At that moment Kristina began to fuss and Cameron handed her over to Alexis while he put his shoes back on.  It was probably a good thing, Cameron thought.  Alexis needed time to think now.  He could tell by the look in her eyes that his words had reached her.  She only needed time to let them take root now and begin to grow. 

*********** 

Lunch was done and Cameron sat holding a sleeping Kristina.  He was almost about to nod off himself when he felt Alexis' hand fall to rest on his shoulder.  Looking up he met her smile. 

"Will you watch her a while for me?  I'd like to take a walk… do some thinking." 

"Sure thing, angel.  We'll be just fine." 

As she started toward the door he reached and caught her hand.  When she looked back at him he simply tightened his grip a little then let go.  She looked into his eyes a moment longer then moved back toward him and bent down to lay her lips upon his for a brief moment then lay her cheek against his.  Her soft whispered "thank you" held so much emotion that he found himself fighting for control of his own.  He knew she was thanking him for so much more than just watching after Kristina and his heart filled that she seemed willing to accept what he was trying to do for her in showing her that her life was so much more than she was allowing herself to accept. 

As she moved away he smiled into her eyes and she returned his smile before she turned and walked away. 

***********  

Two hours passed and Cameron was beginning to get worried.  Alexis had not returned yet from her walk.  He picked up a fussy Kristina from her bassinet and walked outside.  He didn't figure he would find her around the cabin so he headed toward the lake and Kristina immediately quieted with the fascination of being outdoors again.  Just as he began to emerge from the woods he saw her.  She was sitting down facing the lake.  As he started toward her, he saw her reach for her foot.  Stopping instantly… he waited to see what she was up to.  She untied the shoe and slipped it off then reached for the other.  Once both feet were bare she stood back up and took a hesitant step forward then stopped.  One more step and her foot would find the edge of the lake.  He could sense the turmoil in her by her rigid stance.  She was afraid!  Afraid to move forward… and yet, afraid not to.  Alexis was facing a major crossroad in her life.  One step would forever change her destiny.  One step forward or one step backward.  Either way she would remember this moment as the moment that defined the rest of her life.  She was making a choice; deciding the road her future would take.   

The tears fell from his eyes as he watched her finally step into the lake.  He quickly turned and walked back toward the cabin leaving her to keep her personal victory a private matter.  If she wanted him to know, it would be her secret to share.  Just before he turned the bend and she would completely leave his sight he looked back.  His hand came up to caress her child as he watched Alexis lift her arms up toward the sky as her head fell back.  Laughter, full of joy and release filled the air and he quietly spoke into the ear of the child she loved so much. 

"Good for mommy, little angel.  Good for mommy." 

********* 

He was sitting at the kitchen table when she finally returned patiently feeding Kristina.  She walked in with a smile across her face and a bounce in her step.  It was a new day for Alexis.  She took her daughter from his arms and lay her down in her bassinet then returned to sit down beside him. 

"Would you like to know where I've been?" 

"Well since there's not a whole lot of options around here, my guess would be the lake." 

Slapping at him she chuckled. 

"Smart-aleck.  Ok, so I was at the lake.  Care to know what I was doing at the lake?" 

He slanted his head to one side and grinned with mischief. 

"Swimming?" 

She laughed and lay her hand down on top of his. 

"Ok wise guy.  No more questions for you.  This is too important for you to tease me about it." 

"Alright angel.  No more teasing.  Tell me." 

The eyes that met his were the clearest, most brilliant shade of brown he had ever seen.  He suddenly found himself falling with nothing to catch him but the softness of her eyes. 

"I found myself, Cameron.  I found the 'me' I'm supposed to be.  My life is not defined by what happened in my past.  It is not defined by who raised me, or loved me, or even didn't love me.  I make the choices of how my life progresses.  It is my right to choose how to handle my life.  I forgot that somewhere along the way.  I let every one around me dictate every move I made.  And when things went wrong I let them take control from me and all I was left with was trying to steal back what was mine in the first place; and I don't mean just my daughter.  They had me twisting in the wind so much that I couldn't find even a moment to think rationally.  I forgot how to fight.  I forgot how to use their vulnerabilities against them.  But, more important than any of that… I forgot how to use the lessons that I've learned throughout my lifetime to keep what was mine all along.  And it took an overbearing, obnoxious, egotistical beautiful man to show me where I went wrong.  Thank you for helping me to open my eyes, Cameron." 

"Sounds like you had quite a walk." 

"Yeah.  One that ended up in the lake." 

"So that's why the bottom of your jeans are wet." 

She looked down a moment then back up tossing the hair out of her face.  Reaching down she grabbed hold of her chair and leaning forward a bit pulled it closer to him. 

"Know what else I found out while I was standing in the lake?" 

"What else, angel." 

"I was standing there laughing at myself for standing in a lake with my jeans on and I suddenly missed you.  I wanted you to be standing there with me.  In every bad moment I've had over the past several months, you've been there right beside me.  And over the last few days when I needed you the most, you never left my side.  So, when I looked around this afternoon to share my moment with you, you weren't there and I suddenly had this hole inside me that I knew only you could fill.  So I came back here to you… to share it with you." 

He covered her hand that still lay on his arm with his own and leaned closer to her. 

"I was there, angel." 

Surprise washed across her face. 

"You were?" 

He ducked his head a bit afraid that she would be upset or angry with him. 

"I was worried.  You were gone a long time.  So Kristina and I went looking for you.  We got to the lake just as you were taking your shoes offs.  I didn't want to intrude on your moment, but I saw you step into the lake." 

"Cameron, it was the single most important thing I've ever done in my life as an individual.  I considered my daughter's future as well as my own because whatever I do from now on will have a direct bearing on her.  But, I made a decision for myself based on who I am and what I want." 

"What is it that you want, Alexis?" 

She reached up and placed her hand against the curve of his cheek then let her fingers move slowly through his beard over his ear into the thickness of his hair.  As she watched her fingers disappear she met his eyes once again and smiled. 

"_I want to love you good enough on the outside, to make you feel it on the inside_." 

A radiant smile crossed his face and his eyes shined.  Words he had spoken only days ago to tell her how he felt were suddenly being quoted back to him. 

"You remembered?" 

"Every word… every touch… every moment…  My life began the moment I stepped into that lake this afternoon, because I stepped into your life… into your world.  I want to be there for you like you've always been there for me.  Will you continue to be with me always, Cameron and let me be there for you?" 

"All you have to do is look up, angel.  I'll be there..." 

He felt her pull him toward her and as her lips met his he breathed a sigh of relief and let go of all the questions and fears that she would leave him to face the world alone.  He was finally home.  She was home… she was love, light and laughter.  She was his heart and soul.  Alexis had finally found that part of herself that made her unique… special in her own right.  And she gave it all when she kissed him walking boldly into his world full of strength and confidence.  Together they would build a lifetime of special moments and they would love each other through all the storms of life knowing that if they stood as one… no one and nothing could tear them apart.  Cameron reached for her and his hands found a resting place on each side of her beautiful face. 

"Touch me, angel.  Touch me like I've always wanted to touch you."

   _The End_.  (I hate those words. L)


End file.
